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You know what they say: nice guys finish in the friend-zone. In honor of token good guy Josh Radnor’s birthday of How I Met Your Mother, here are ten sitcom sweethearts you love to death but would never go to bed with given the opportunity. It isn’t necessarily because they’re too nice — it’s because they’re too many other things: needy, pushy, whiney. You get the picture. Without further ado, let’s see who would stay in the friend-zone of your social circle in real life.

Character & Show: Robert Barone, Everybody Loves Raymond

Played By: Brad Garrett

Reason for Friend-Zoning: Too much of a mama’s boy. A dear, dear soul, that Robert Barone, but you know you’d never win out over the hovering, controlling Marie. Even in his middle-age years, Robert strives to do all he can to win her affection even though he knows as well as the rest of us that she’s permanently preoccupied with Raymond.

Stream Everybody Loves Raymond on Hulu Plus.

Character & Show: Michael Bluth, Arrested Development

Played By: Jason Bateman

Reason for Friend-Zoning: Too relentless. The problem with Michael Bluth is that he’s actually super sexy — good dad, lots of ambition, dedicated to his family — but he’s just too much because he’s always up everyone’s ass all the time. If he wasn’t trying to be such a do-gooder all the time and make every situation as perfect as it can be, maybe he would have gotten with Marta and wouldn’t have to compete with his son for some lovin’ from Ron Howard’s daughter.

Stream Arrested Development on Netflix.

Character & Show: Woody Boyd, Cheers

Played By: Woody Harrelson

Reason for Friend-Zoning: Too cute. Woody, you can dry my glasses any night of the week, but unfortunately you’re just too dang cute. Woody is the kind of guy we love to visit when we go out, but we’d never ask when his shift is over. Woody’s the type you take home when your grandparents are visiting, not the guy you sneak out your window for in the middle of the night.

Stream Cheers on Netflix.

Character & Show: Niles Crane, Frasier

Played By: David Hyde Pierce

Reason for Friend-Zoning: Too picky. When Niles isn’t whining and complaining, he’s competing with his older brother, Frasier, which is never a turn on. Niles is a great guy, but dating someone like him would be nothing short of exhausting with all those obsessive-compulsive tendencies, upper echelon tastes, and slightly snobby remarks. Plus, any man who enjoys the opera should be a red flag.

Stream Frasier on Netflix.

Character & Show: Fez, That 70’s Show

Played By: Wilmer Valderrama

Reason for Friend-Zoning: Too horny. Fez basically created the friend zone with his strange, Fez-y ways. We can’t blame you for considering sleeping with Fez because he’s always around, but dang — the guy is always around. Fez is the both the best and the worst guy friend to have because he’ll do anything for you when you need him, but he’s secretly picturing you with your top off 24/7.

Stream That 70’s Show on Netflix.

Character & Show: Leonard Hofstadter, The Big Bang Theory

Played By: Johnny Galecki

Reason for Friend-Zoning: Too judgey. Leonard always has the sweetest intentions, but nothing ever seems to be good enough for this brainiac. He seems like he would be a total drag to hang out with if you aren’t playing video games or eating Chinese food. Leonard might be a catch on paper, but all in all he’s pretty meh. Hey, better Penny than us.

Stream The Big Bang Theory on Hulu Plus.

Character & Show: Ross Geller, Friends

Played By: David Schwimmer

Reason for Friend-Zoning: Too freakin’ whiney. Ross got better and better-looking with age, and hey, the dude is a doctor. (Well, a Ph. D of paleontology, but it’s still pretty sexy.) Ross’s immaturity and woe-is-me-attitude, however, was one of the biggest turn-offs in NBC primetime history. No wonder all three of his wives divorced him.

Friends episodes and seasons are available for rental on Amazon Instant Video.

Character & Show: Nick Miller, New Girl

Played By: Jake Johnson

Reason for Friend-Zoning: Too needy. Calling all poseurs and stage-five clingers! Here is your living mascot. Nick Miller is a gem if you want some entertaining company for sure, but it’s pretty obvious that he’s one of those guys who follows you to the bathroom and waits outside the door because he just can’t be without you.

Stream New Girl on Netflix and Hulu Plus.

Character & Show: Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother

Played By: Josh Radnor

Reason for Friend-Zoning: Too Ted Mosby. No one is sweeter than Ted here, but holy crap, he’s a piece of work. Another one who’s absolutely adorable in every way and has it all going for him, but who needs to be defined by a relationship. It’s so off-putting, women ran away from him in droves throughout the entire series. What a shame. Stream How I Met Your Mother on Netflix.

Character & Show: Kenneth Parcell, 30 Rock

Played By: Jack McBrayer

Reason for Friend-Zoning: Too eager beaver. Kenneth is a sweet Southern belle of a bro, but he can never be more than a bro. If being an NBC Page isn’t nerdy enough, mix his admiration for B-list celebrities with his side-swept skater boy hairdo and you have a best guy friend for life whose milky white chest you see only when you’re at a mutual friend’s pool party.

Stream 30 Rock on Netflix.

Photos: Everett Collection