Ranking Adam Sandler’s Starring Roles

Compared to the rest of the movies on this list, it feels almost strange to call this an “Adam Sandler movie.” The real lesson here is that the worst P. T. Anderson movie is still the best Adam Sandler movie.

The best Adam Sandler movie not directed by P. T. Anderson, The Wedding Singer answers the question, “How soon was too soon for a period film set in the ’80s?” I’m surprised Michael Ian Black didn’t have a bit part making jokes about Rubik’s Cubes in front of a green screen.

Adam Sandler finally meets his match (in terms of emotional maturity, that is) in Cole and Dylan Sprouse, who share the role of a child who end up on Sandler’s character’s doorstep. For once, a Sandler movie is a tear-jerker not from laughter or pain, but from heartfelt charm. 

I wouldn’t say this was a good movie, really, but it is the quintessential Adam Sandler film, as the titular character has the emotional intelligence of a four-year-old and he talks in funny voices, often mimicking inanimate objects. 

“Adam Sandler plays golf, gets punched by beloved game show host” is how I imagine the original treatment for this movie read. Sounds like they had a hit on their hands!

Judd Apatow’s film about stand-up comics is secretly a drama about stand-up comics, proving that Adam Sandler does have the emotional range of those two Greek theater masks. 

In this comedy, Drew Barrymore’s character has short-term amnesia and conveniently forgets every time she sees Adam Sandler. If only I were so lucky! 

This is sort of like Forrest Gump, except without the special effects, the history lessons, the baby boomer-baiting soundtrack, Gary Sinise, the melodrama, or the good acting. 

A rich white man’s family is forever changed by his Mexican housekeeper. Who better to tackle complicated cultural clashes like the guy who perfected Opera Man?

“I am desperate to see a 9/11 drama starring Adam Sandler.” OK, fess up. Which one of you said that, and what dark magical powers do you possess? 

You know that thing where Adam Sandler starts a piece of dialogue really quietly and then he slowly gets REALLY REALLY LOUD AS IF HE’S READING WORDS IN ALL CAPS? That happens a lot in this one. 

This proves that just because you can remake a Burt Reynolds football comedy (with Burt Reynolds in a supporting role), it doesn’t make it right. 

If you’re lucky, you can use your real non-magical remote to turn this movie right off! 

I assume this movie was made with the assumption it could get away with making gay jokes because it’s inherently pro-marriage equality. Hollywood works in mysterious ways! 

Sandler clearly was feeling squeezed out of the farty, politically incorrect comedy world once Borat was on the scene, so as punishment the rest of us got You Don’t Mess With the Zohan.

Sandler plays a small-town poet (hahahahahahahahahahahahaha) who strikes it rich when his uncle leaves him $40 billion. He also somehow gets Winona Ryder to fall in love with him. Isn’t this the best advertisement for an MFA that you can think of?

Adam Sandler plays the son of Satan in this autobiographical comedy.

Sandler plays a plastic surgeon who convinces his hot assistant to pretend to be his estranged wife in order to impress his much-younger girlfriend. The title doesn’t just say it all — it kind of represents Sandler’s film career as a whole, don’t you think? 

This is kind of like The Princess Bride, but if the lovable Peter Falk was replaced with Adam Sandler. (Plus, farts.)

Drew Barrymore finds herself stuck at a family resort with Adam Sandler and his kids after they go on a terrible blind date. Gee, do you think they will get together in the end? 

Adam Sandler’s Moses gets his feelings hurt when his drug-dealing best buddy turns out to be a cop and busts him. Years later, the same cop must protect him until he serves as a witness in a trial, and the whole thing is very bromantic. 

Usually Adam Sandler only plays some variation of himself, but in this animated musical comedy about Hanukkah, Sandler also provides the voices for a geriatric couple and a group of deer. 

This is not a movie about four former SNL cast mates who reunite on a vacation (and bring along Kevin James), but rather a movie about five old guys who used to play basketball together who reunite on a vacation.

This is another movie that isn’t about three former SNL cast mates who reunite on a vacation (and bring along Kevin James) after the death of Rob Schneider, but rather another movie about four old guys who used to play basketball together who reunite again — this time without Rob Schneider.

Set in an alternate reality in which child protective services do not exist, Andy Samberg deals with the traumatic childhood experience of being raised by an idiot teenager who grows into an idiot adult played by Adam Sandler. 

“Adam Sandler plays his own twin.” Oh, sure, like in The Parent Trap! That doesn’t sound too terrible. “But his twin is a woman.” Ugh, so we’re finally getting the Gap Girls movie no one asked for?