‘The Mysteries Of Laura’ Precap, Season 1, Episode 7: “The Mystery Of The Art Ace”

You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Wait. The Mysteries of Laura airs on Wednesday nights. How can I be reading a recap of it on Wednesday afternoon?” Well, my friends, that’s because this is a precap. I have not seen The Mysteries of Laura, and I have no intention of doing so. But apparently a lot of people watch this show, so we decided it’d be a good thing to write about. So here, I shall guess what happens on this week’s episode based solely on the promotional images provided by NBC.

Detective Laura Diamond gets a surprise visit from her dad, Harry, who has been kicked out of another old folks home for refusing to abide by the dress code. “I’m an old-ass man,” he snaps at her. “They can’t force me to wear sleeves.” She’s annoyed at first — what else could possibly go wrong today?! — but then she remembers what Oprah always says about positive thinking, and realizes it’s not such a bad scene after all. “Hey, a built-in babysitter!” she exclaims gleefully.

Laura pulls aside her twin sons, Billy and Bobby. “Hey kids, Mommy has a long day ahead of her with keeping together her work-life balance, so you’re going to hang out with your grandpa today. Behave yourselves. Got it? And no, you cannot leave the house unattended and go to the bodega and eat a ton of chocolate. If you do that again, I will shoot lasers out of my eyes and make your heads explode.”

Laura gets to the office late, again, but she gets right to work. Well, after checking to see if Zappos have added any new jeans. Who has the time to go buy things from a store? She only has time for a quick glance before one of her colleagues brings over a surprise for her: Bobby and Billy.

“Kids! What did I say?!” Laura screams. “Bobby, I am really hoping that’s a very intense herpes outbreak because I know I told you specifically not to sneak out and run down to the bodega and eat tons of chocolate. Is that chocolate or herpes?!” “I’m Billy!” Bobby cries, wiping the remnants of a Hershey bar from his face.

Laura rushes home with her kids to find her dad in his uniform of tank-top and pajama pants. “I’m an old-ass man,” Harry says when she complains about the kids’ behavior. “What the hell do you expect me to do about it?”

Exasperated, Laura does a quick change and puts on a t-shirt and a blazer. “This will make me feel better,” she says. “I can at least have it all fashion-wise.” She gets a call from her husband / boss, Captain Jake Broderick, to meet him on Ninth Avenue and 22nd Street because there’s been a murder — and a mystery!

Jake is investigating the crime scene — the body of a art gallery proprietor has been found lying in front of his swanky Chelsea apartment building — and is looking for clues. That’s when he finds a card for a karaoke place that’s conveniently located just a few blocks away!

Jake and Laura head to the Karaoke Kove to find more info about the famous art collector, who’s name is Garry Lagogian. Jake flashes his headshot around to the wait staff at the klub, but all of them deny ever seeing him there. He turns to Laura to play bad cop to his good cop, but she’s mysteriously (!) disappeared. Suddenly, he hears the familiar sound of a suffocating cat screeching in tune to Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone.”

Sure enough, Laura has taken the stage. Since she’s so comfortable with Asian people now, she felt it was about time to experience their culture and to express her frustrations with her estranged husband / boss at the same time. Laura is all about embracing the dichotomies of life these days.

After leaving Jake to solve the mystery his own damn self, Laura drives to the twins’ preschool to pick them up. Suddenly she realizes she doesn’t need a microphone to express her emotions — the Nissan Versa is, she thinks, kind of like your own private karaoke room! While the Mystery of the Art Ace may be unsolved, she totally nailed balancing Kelly Clarkson and child care. You go, girl!

 

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Photos: NBC