Top o' the mornin' to ya, #DICKVAN.Photo Illustration by Jaclyn Kessel; Photo via Everett Collection
One of my first memories of the year 2015 was seeing Dick Van Dyke’s nipples.
Actually, it wasn’t Dick Van Dyke at all; that’s how hungover I was. On the morning of January 2, 2015, I woke up and headed over to the Daily Mail (just like I do every morning) to see what was going on in the world. After clicking through on an article to see one of the Real Housewives in a swimsuit, I saw a photo of an old topless man emerging from the ocean. “OH MY GOD, THAT’S DICK VAN DYKE!”, I thought to myself. Except it was really Dick Van Patten, you guys!
Actually, I didn’t even find that out until I told the story to my Decider co-horts. When I sent the link around, they kindly informed me that the topless gentleman was Dick Van Patten, not Dick Van Dyke. We laughed, and then forgot about it … until yesterday, when #DICKPOOP became a worldwide trending topic after a huge verbal goof at the Oscars. Then, well, we just figured we had to go through with the following Really Dumb Quiz of the Week.
Ladies and gentlemen, can you tell which #DICKVAN is which? We dare you to try!
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Art: Jaclyn Kessel, Photos: Everett Collection
Who's that swingin' #DICKVAN?Photo Illustration by Jaclyn Kessel; Photo via Everett Collection
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There's Never A Dull Moment when #DICKVAN Dyke is swinging around.Photo: Everett Collection
Watch out, J. Garnzies! There's a powerful #DICKVAN next to you. But which one is it?Photo Illustration by Jaclyn Kessel; Photo via Everett Collection
You better wear a helmet when #DICKVAN Dyke is around, gosh darn it!Photo: Everett Collection
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Who's that hobo?Photo Illustration by Jaclyn Kessel; Photo via Everett Collection
The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking featured the very old #DICKVAN Patten.Photo: Everett Collection
Come-on-I-wanna-lay-ya, #DICKVAN!Photo Illustration by Jaclyn Kessel; Photo via Everett Collection
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#DICKVAN Dyke is a ladies man in 1968's LT Robin Crusoe U.S.N..Photo: Everett Collection
Which #DICKVAN is a ho, ho, ho?Photo Illustration by Jaclyn Kessel; Photo via Everett Collection
That's #DICKVAN Patten in the Santa Suit! (from 2002's The Santa Trap)Photo: Everett Collection
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Top o' the mornin' to ya, #DICKVAN.Photo Illustration by Jaclyn Kessel; Photo via Everett Collection
Mary Poppins would not have been the same without #DICKVAN Dyke!Photo: Everett Collection
All hail #DICKVAN...Photo Illustration by Jaclyn Kessel; Photo via Everett Collection
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Who else could play King Roland in Spaceballs besides #DICKVAN Patten?Photo: Everett Collection
Father #DICKVAN wants you to say 12 Hail Marys.Photo Illustration by Jaclyn Kessel; Photo via Everett Collection
Father #DICKVAN Dyke, that is! (From 1979's The Runner Stumbles)
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GASP! Which #DICKVAN is this?Photo Illustration by Jaclyn Kessel; Photo via Everett Collection
Fun
Frisky
Nostalgic
Intense
Adventurous
Choked Up
Curious
Romantic
Weird
Actually, it wasn’t Dick Van Dyke at all; that’s how hungover I was. On the morning of January 2, 2015, I woke up and headed over to the Daily Mail (just like I do every morning) to see what was going on in the world. After clicking through on an article to see one of the Real Housewives in a swimsuit, I saw a photo of an old topless man emerging from the ocean. “OH MY GOD, THAT’S DICK VAN DYKE!”, I thought to myself. Except it was really Dick Van Patten, you guys!
