‘Girls’ Recap, Season Four Episode Three: “Female Author”

If the past few episodes were defined by a certain amount of passivity on the part of the titular girls, then “Female Author” is where they all started actively advocating for themselves in one form or another. That’s not to say, however, that all of their intentions were noble — or in the case of Shoshanna, free of delusion. For the most part, all of the ladies found a voice and a courage to speak their truths that was infuriatingly absent so far.

Since all four girls were given screen time this week, let’s break out the highly scientific likeability index which was meticulously calibrated by a team of MIT grads and rank them in descending order.

Hannah

Given the fact that Hannah was relentlessly sandbagged by her classmates at last week’s writing seminar, she’s mired in doubt that she’s even cut out to be a writer. There’s that, her nagging homesickness, or, as evidenced by her Skype call with Jessa, her Adam-sickness and the fact that Elijah is still lurking around and is already waist deep in new friends, despite just being a visitor. Also, when Hannah asked Jessa if Adam had asked about her yet, Jessa showed Hannah her bare ass in return. God bless her.

If Elijah was the episode’s highlight last week, this week he just comes off as dark and sleazy, especially when he’s wielding his camera at a “poet’s party.” Although his presence pulled Hannah out of a deeply depressed and self-pitying rut last week, it’s clear he’s overstayed his welcome. This time, his major purpose seems to be to stoke the flames of doubt slowly consuming Hannah by admitting that he was ultimately relieved when he gave up his dream to be a dancer.

Things take a turn during said “poet’s party,” however, when Hannah is sitting face-to-face with the members of her entire writing workshop, and she decides to start kicking in some dicks over the fact that they pigeonholed her as “the 50 Shades of Grey girl.” She rightfully dresses down golden boy D’August’s all-male list when he’s pressed to name good sex writers. She goes around the room and sums up each person with their own tired trope and gimmick — “thinks he’s Updike, thinks it’s a revolution that he hates his parents.” Given the way the entire seminar ganged up on her last week, her need to deflate every ego in the room seems reasonable. However, she ends the rapid fire bitch session with an incredible drunk somersault over the back of the couch, exposing her asscrack to he group, and inspiring D’August to refer to her as “Lindsay Lohan.”

Although Hannah Lohan’s drunk purge must have felt cathartic, it certainly didn’t win her any new allies in her department, so it will be interesting to see how barfing her feelings all over everyone plays out for her over the next few weeks.

Marnie

Marnie and her blue-eyed doofus of a musical collaborator Desi are sitting in what looks like a meeting with the world’s youngest A & R reps. Desi and Marnie play a bit of their acoustic vagina warble while the rest of the room goes absolutely batshit upon hearing it. That’s always the pitfall of writing music for a fictional band: a musician obviously isn’t going to use their best work for a song that will ultimately be a prop to advance plot. So, they throw together some lukewarm acoustic jam and we get to watch actors employ every bit of their talent while trying to sell the fact that they just heard the most impressive song ever recorded. Given the reaction of all the A & R kids in the room, you’d think they had just heard Black Sabbath’s Vol. 4 for the first time instead of a flaccid folk number that, at best, belongs as a deep cut on a Starbucks compilation.

Like the creep that he is, Desi is rubbing Marni’s back throughout the meeting and telegraphing an extreme level of intimacy. The excitement in the room visibly deflates when Desi cops to the fact that Marnie isn’t actually his girlfriend and starts talking about Clementine as if he just wasn’t performing the total boyfriend move of rubbing Marnie’s back in public. This guy.

After the meeting, Marnie sits Desi down and tells him two things. First, that the (inexplicable) label interest is awesome. And secondly, that the relationship between them has to end because she’s tired of feeling like someone’s mistress. Desi tries to play off her feeling of being emotional marginalized as “a very culturally specific statement” and tries to paint himself as living some ethical, free-spirited, highly evolved, polyamorous lifestyle when it’s clear that his girlfriend has no idea she’s in an open relationship. The Marnie we see laying down boundaries is a far cry from the girl we saw knitting Desi a scarf and furiously denying that she’s a secret side piece.

I would have ranked Marnie higher than Hannah on the likeability scale, except her revelation comes on the heels of discussing the situation with reliable audience surrogate Ray. When Marnie was laying out the absolutely absurd reasons that Desi couldn’t break up with Clementine because her fragile health wouldn’t withstand the stress, Ray broke right through her delusion by calling Desi out as a “casanova who counts cards secretly while he has four queens up his sleeve.” Ray also bookends the statement by insisting that Desi fucked up when he didn’t choose Marnie right off the bat. Of course, this plays right into Marnie’s dangerously low self-esteem and constant need for validation from men. She responds by furiously making out with Ray. If Marnie wasn’t getting validation from another source, it’s hard to say if and when she would have told Desi that she wasn’t going to settle for his noncommittal routine anymore.

Plus, there’s still that whole thing about Ray being Shoshanna’s ex.

Shoshanna

Speaking of Shosh, we find her absolutely nailing a job interview to be an accessories buyer at Ann Taylor. The woman interviewing Shoshana speaks in a similarly neurotic upspeak, so, naturally, the two women are getting along famously. The HR rep all but offers her the job when Shoshana drops a little more truth than the situation calls for.

Basically, Shoshanna lets the woman know that this interview is just a practice run for when she’s presented with an opportunity she’s actually excited about.

Okay, for starters, Shosh just graduated, like, five minutes ago, so the fact that she’s even being offered such a good opportunity instead of interning or toiling away at thankless temp jobs while hoping that someone will recognize her talent and hire her is a miracle in and of itself.

Secondly, there’s nothing wrong with going on job interviews you’re not particularly excited about. You never know, the opportunity could end up being a lot better than what you initially anticipated. But, just letting a person who gave you an opportunity know that you’re wasting their time is just entitled, spoiled brat behavior. For the most part, I’ve been willing to spot the characters on this show some leeway when they’ve been criticized for being stupid or bratty or privileged, but I have to side with the naysayers on this one. Maybe all this bile is a byproduct of my bitterness over having temped for years before I found gainful employment doing something I loved. I realize I’m bringing my own baggage to the table on this one, but the epitome of entitlement is just assuming you’ll have a wealth of job choices when those opportunities are, in fact, hard to come by, especially with no actual accomplishments to your credit other than finishing school.

Anyway, it doesn’t take a psychic to figure out that Shosh is probably going to wish that she had jumped at this golden opportunity. Plus, the fashion world in NYC is a lot smaller than she probably realizes, meaning that the woman she’s rudely shutting down could very well be a woman she has to beg for a job at another company in a year’s time.

Jessa

I should probably preface Jessa’s behavior by saying she’s just four months into sobriety and people in early sobriety can definitely be erratic, irritable, and unpredictable in what is a major adjustment period in their lives. That being said, Jessa is just as reckless and destructive as she’s always been. For starters, she brags to Adam at a 12-step meeting about how she had a day-counter replace “God” with “Jessa” as his higher power while making out with him, then rebuffing his advances. She then seems to revel in the fact that she’s the one thing standing between this kid and a relapse.

Then while walking down the street, Jessa decides to pop a squat and pee between two cars, drawing the attention of the cops. She’s about to get off with a fifty-dollar ticket, but when Jessa decides to insult the cops, it only results in she and Adam getting tossed into the slammers. If there’s ever been a glaring example of entitlement and privilege on this show, it’s the fact that Jessa thinks she can just mouth off to cops without worrying about any actual threat to her life.

Ray is called upon to bail the two out of jail, after which Adam tells Jessa that he doesn’t want to be her friend any more on account of her being “a bad influence” and acting just as volatile sober as she did while she was using. Something about Adam being straightforward with her pierces her armor, and she makes a sad plea for his friendship. It’s the most vulnerable and emotionally honest Jessa’s character has ever been on the show, and it’s probably the first time she’s been presented with the prospect of actually losing someone in her life due to her behavior. Lord knows the rest of the girls have given her endless chances.

So there we have it. Marnie and Hannah have made impressive, if flawed, gains this week, while Shosh and Jessa battle it out for who is the most reprehensible. The reason Shosh edges out Jessa is because no one served as collateral damage for her brashness and stupidity this week, unlike poor Adam.

Maggie Serota is a Staff Editor at Death and Taxes and a freelance writer who loves TV more than life itself.

 

Like what you see? Follow Decider on Facebook and Twitter to join the conversation, and sign up for our email newsletters to be the first to know about streaming movies and TV news!

Photos: Everett Collection