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The 87th Academy Awards are being held tonight, February 22, 2015. The broadcast will mark the climax of this year’s awards season, which is notable for the unusual amount of drama in the race for Best Picture, which looks like a dead heat between American Sniper, Birdman and Boyhood. Speaking of things that are dead, though, there is ONE segment of the show that, year after year, maintains its suspenseful nature: The In Memoriam segment!

Cutting the In Memoriam montage is fraught with peril; every keystroke in Final Cut Pro has the potential to offend. Like a great mixtape, a well-executed death montage has to ebb and flow just so, playing well both in the room AND to the millions of people watching at home in their living rooms. For starters, you have to lead off with a notable death in order to get the applause rolling, but you have to maintain momentum throughout the piece, all the while saving the most “important” death for the last, lingering image. We call this position of the death montage—or, if you’re being PC, the “In Memoriam” segment—the “anchor” slot.

With that in mind, what you’ll find here is a guide to handicapping who we think the Academy feels is the most “important” person to die since last year’s telecast. So let’s take a moment to consider the headspace of the lowly editor—someone who is, no doubt, locked in a windowless room and surrounded by the attention-starved ghosts of Hollywood’s most recently deceased stars and starlets—and handicap which star of the silver screen will be anchoring this year’s In Memoriam segment. (If you’re following along at home, last year’s was anchored by Philip Seymour Hoffman.)

**WHO:** Richard Kiel
**HOW OLD:** 74
**PROMINENT FILM ROLES:** *The Spy Who Loved Me*, *Moonraker*, *Happy Gilmore*
**ODDS:** 1000:1
**RATIONALE:** When we say Kiel was a giant of the cinema, we mean that quite literally. Kiel stood 7'2", and his imposing physical stature helped him become one of the most terrifying Bond villains in history (so evil they had him back twice!). Sadly, though, his imposing size also meant that he was never taken seriously as an actor, which means that he doesn't have what it takes in the eyes of Hollywood to anchor the death reel.Photo: Everett Collection

**WHO:** Ruby Dee
**HOW OLD:** 91
**PROMINENT FILM ROLES:** *A Raisin In The Sun*, *Do The Right Thing*
**ODDS:** 100:1
**RATIONALE:** During her illustrious and groundbreaking career, Dee won an Emmy, a Grammy, a National Medal of the Arts and a SAG Award. Her talent can never be questioned. However, she never won an Oscar, which means she has no shot at anchoring the In Memoriam montage.Photo: Everett Collection

**WHO:** Joan Rivers
**HOW OLD:** 81
**PROMINENT FILM ROLES:** *Spaceballs*, *The Muppets Take Manhattan*
**ODDS:** 75:1
**RATIONALE:** The comedic chops that Joan Rivers possessed can and will never be questioned. Nor can her influence. Her work in the cinema, though—as evidenced by her most notable film roles above—was C-list at best. Her finest performance on film was as herself in the documentary, *Joan Rivers: A Piece Of Work*, which means that she'll undoubtedly appear in the montage but not in the anchor spot.Photo: Everett Collection

**WHO:** Elaine Stritch
**HOW OLD:** 89
**PROMINENT FILM ROLES:** *A Farewell To Arms*, *September*, *Small Time Crooks*, *Monster In Law*
**ODDS:** 50:1
**RATIONALE:** Stritch earned even more awards than Ruby Dee, coming just an Oscar away from EGOT status. If this were either the Emmys, Grammys or Tonys, she might have a shot at anchoring. It's the Oscars, though, which means she'll just be another sepia tinted face in the crowd.Photo: Everett Collection

**WHO:** James Garner
**HOW OLD:** 86
**PROMINENT FILM ROLES:** *Murphy's Romance* (Oscar nominated), *The Notebook*, *The Great Escape*
**ODDS:** 25:1
**RATIONALE:** Man, was this dude the epitome of handsome or what? Garner's good looks scored him a number of plum roles over the years, but the first thing that people will remember about him is that he starred in *The Rockford Files* (which, weirdly, was never turned into a feature film property). He won Emmys, he won Golden Globes, but since he never won any Oscars, he's going to be somewhere near the front of this tribute.Photo: Everett Collection

**WHO:** Maya Angelou
**HOW OLD:** 86
**PROMINENT FILM ROLES:** *Poetic Justice*, *Madea's Family Reunion*
**ODDS:** 10:1
**RATIONALE:** Maya Angelou is an institution (not to mention one that Oprah made a lot of money from). In addition to being a poet, she was an actress, a screenwriter, and a director, and definitely would have been one of the most respected people in the room tonight. She could pull an upset here, but it's not likely.Photo: Everett Collection

**WHO:** Mickey Rooney
**HOW OLD:** 93
**PROMINENT FILM ROLES:** *National Velvet*, *The Black Stallion*, *Babe: Pig In The City*
**ODDS:** 5:1
**RATIONALE:** Motherfucker has 338 (!!!) credits listed on his IMDB page. Along with Shirley Temple, who passed last year, he pretty much dominated the box office in the '30s and '40s, taking home a Juvenile Academy Award back in 1939. (He also took home an honorary Oscar in 1983.) Sadly, though, he died nearly penniless, and that's too much of a downer ending for even Hollywood to spin into In Memoriam gold.Photo: Everett Collection

**WHO:** Lauren Bacall
**HOW OLD:** 89
**PROMINENT FILM ROLES:** *The Big Sleep*, *Key Largo*, *The Mirror Has Two Faces*
**ODDS:** 3:1
**RATIONALE:** Along with her husband Humphrey Bogart, she was to the 1940s what Brangelina is to today: Hollywood royalty, personified. Her sultriness is unquestioned, but her career was strangely never looked fondly upon by the Academy. She nearly won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar in 1997 for her work in Babs Streisand's *The Mirror Has Two Faces*, but got outfoxed at the last minute by Juliette Binoche (who won for *The English Patient*). She took home an honorary Oscar in 2010 for her career work, but she's not going to make the anchor spot tonight.Photo: Everett Collection

**WHO:** Mike Nichols
**WHEN:** 83
**PROMINENT FILMS:** *The Graduate* (won the Oscar for Best Director), *Silkwood*, *The Birdcage*
**ODDS:** 2:1
**RATIONALE:** If you were putting together a shortlist for Best Directors of All-Time, you'd have to have Mike Nichols on the list. I mean, *The Graduate*? #MICDROP. Yes, that was in 1967, but he did anything but sit on his laurels after that unabashed masterpiece. He stayed relevant throughout the '70s (*Carnal Knowledge*), the '80s (*Working Girl*), and the '90s (*The Birdcage*), directing films that were both critical and commercial hits. Any other year, he might be a shoo-in for the anchor spot of the In Memoriam montage. But this year, though, that prize is going to...Photo: Everett Collection

**WHO:** Robin Williams
**HOW OLD:** 63
**PROMINENT FILM ROLES:** *Good Will Hunting*, *Dead Poets Society*, *Aladdin*, *Good Morning Vietnam*, *Mrs. Doubtfire*
**ODDS:** 1:3
**RATIONALE:** We're still reeling over the untimely loss of Robin Williams last summer, tbh. He was one of the most successful comedians in the history of Hollywood, one whose manic persona and irrepressible charm translated across every possible medium (film, TV, stand-up, stage, albums, animation). He also made the incredibly difficult transition from being a funny man to being a respected dramatic actor, a challenge that has taken down the careers of many comedians both before and after him. He won an Oscar in 1997 for his work in *Good Will Hunting*, he was one of the biggest box office stars of the last 40 years, but the feather in his In Memoriam cap is that he died in tragic fashion while he was still relevant. If the In Memoriam segment ends tonight with anyone other than Robin Williams in the anchor spot, we'll eat our hat.Photo: Everett Collection

UPDATE (10:49 p.m.)
Holy upset buzz! Robin Williams, who generated $3,276,969,491 at the box office (and counting!), was snubbed in favor of Mike Nichols (who we had pegged at #2). More importantly, though, the Academy SNUBBED Elaine Stritch (!), Richard Kiel (!), and JOAN M-F-ING RIVERS (!!). No, not our Joanie! Those cretins at the Academy deserve to be shamed for all eternity for messing this one up.

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