The One Where Ross And Monica Were Too Close: Analyzing The Incestuous ‘Friends’ 20 Years Later

It’s no secret Ross and Monica Geller of Friends (portrayed for ten seasons by David Schwimmer and Courteney Cox) were closer than your average sitcom brother and sister duo. Over the years, however, audiences noticed that the siblings started to act more like a couple rather than blood relatives, despite Ross’ decade-long on-again, off-again relationship with Monica’s best friend, Rachel (Jennifer Aniston). We’re not the first to analyze the sitcom staple in such a light, but after bingeing through ten seasons on Netflix since the series’ New Years Day Netflix debut, it became clear that the Gellers’ intimacy was all too real and glaringly obvious for creators Marta Kauffman, David Crane, and Kevin Bright to ignore. To celebrate National Siblings Day, we’re analyzing why Ross and Monica’s relationship still weirds us out two decades later.

Incest is no stranger to the small screen. Lifetime’s Flowers in the Attic reboot, Dexter, and, most notably, Game of Thrones all feature brothers and sisters who are attracted to one another and, in some cases, get it on (we’re looking at you, Cersei and Jaime Lannister). It’s rare, however, for a sitcom to play with notions of familial curiosity. Arrested Development poked fun at pubescent confusion between George Michael (Michael Cera) and his cousin Maeby (Alia Shawkat), who are forced to share a bedroom despite their budding sexual urges. The difference between Arrested Development and Friends, however, was that showrunner Mitchell Hurwitz made the creative choice to explicitly acknowledge how George Michael pined for his cousin, turning their odd, tense relationship into a running gag. Through Ron Howard’s voiceover and Michael Cera’s ill-fated attempts to win Maeby’s heart, the potentially incestuous subplot achieved what it intended: it made audiences laugh. Friends, on the other hand, made us go “ick” and had us questioning whether or not it was all in our head. But lo and behold, as a diehard Friends fan who has seen the complete series more than a few times through, it was not.

Incest — whether physical or emotional — strikes a powerful chord with audiences when it’s done right. That may sound off-putting when said aloud, but think about it. The introduction of incest instantly sheds light on the characters’ backstories in addition to establishing an understanding of deep-seated power dynamics. Though Cersei and Jaime Lannister are fifty shades of fucked-up, we understand them: their evil natures, their pain, their past, and how all of that has affected them as adults in authoritative positions. The dramatic irony of their situation reiterates the fact that other characters still in the dark about the truth feel the need to keep the rumor going, while the audience is aware of the situation and keeps it in context while watching the show. When we think about Ross and Monica Geller, however, we can’t help but think: yuck. Why? Showrunners never had the siblings, nor any of their friends, acknowledge their extreme closeness, making it awkward twenty years later — like a subconscious, cringe-worthy memory that spills out via the therapist’s couch decades after the fact.

There were more than a few instances when the Gellers took things a step too far and received little-to-no response from the rest of the gang. For example, remember in “The One Where Dr. Ramoray Dies” when Monica and Rachel practically duked it out for the last condom? Remember how no one was weirded out by this? Even when Richard and Ross had to face each other and awkwardly talked about mustache combs instead? Why didn’t Ross just take a rain check? Because picturing your sister having sex has to be a total boner-killer, right?

Then there was that time when Monica openly discussed her birth control options in front of Ross. Because that’s definitely something you normally mention in front of your big brother.

Followed by that time Monica asked Ross which dress she should wear to seduce Chandler in “The One with the Birthing Video.” Followed by the time she eagerly listened to him have sex with Charlie through those paper thin beach motel walls in “The One After Joey and Rachel Kiss.” And perhaps the most memorable time was featured in “The One Where the Stripper Cries,” when the two discovered they accidentally shared a drunken, late night kiss at a college party back in 1987.

Though it was somewhat acknowledged in this last episode, neither Ross, Monica, nor the rest of the Central Perk crew explicitly said what’s what — aside from Chandler’s, “WHAT did I marry into?!” Some siblings are closer than others and different families express affection that’s unique to their household, but Ross and Monica undoubtedly hovered over each other’s sex lives; one could argue that’s progressive and honest comedy for comedy’s sake. Yet to have instances in which an older brother chooses what lingerie his sister should wear later that night isn’t exactly funny all these years later: it’s odd.

Friends‘ ubiquity goes beyond the relationships created on screen, as evidenced by the cultural relevance the series holds two decades after its release, making it so that the Gellers’ relationship could only be openly discussed after the fact. Showrunners (none of which have openly spoke about the idea that Ross and Monica were too close for comfort) and defensive fans could argue that these examples could be taken out of context, but at this point, there are too many cringe-worthy elements to shrug at, making Ross and Monica’s relationship the proverbial unacknowledged elephant in the series.

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Photos: Everett Collection