Weed Watch: So I Got Really Stoned And Rewatched ‘Good Burger’…

It’s no secret that marijuana makes everything better: food, sleep, and, especially, kicking back and watching a movie. There’s really no rule  as to what you should watch while toking up (except maybe horror: I made the mistake of watching A Haunting in Connecticut after taking a hit from a bong and curled up in fear that ectoplasm would start spewing out of my orifices), but it should be relatively light and goofy or whimsically thought-provoking.

There’s no experience, however, quite like getting stoned and watching something from your childhood. Through this little side project of mine, I’ve come to a few conclusions about late ’90s / early aughts movies and television: that every piece of content meant for children coming of age in the new millennium was inadvertently made for adults, which is why this very first Decider Weed Watch is dedicated to Nicklodeon’s Good Burger, starring SNL‘s Kenan Thompson and his former trusty sidekick, Kel Mitchell.

If you’ve never had the privilege (or if you haven’t seen it since its 1997 release), Good Burger follows Dexter Reed (Thompson), who’s forced to get a summer job after he accidentally wrecks Mr. Wheat’s (Sinbad) custom sports car. After getting kicked out of training at the new fast food monolith Mondo Burger, Dexter heads across the street to local favorite, Good Burger, where dim-witted Ed (Mitchell) shows his new pal the fast food ropes. There’s trouble in greasy paradise, however, when Mondo Burger threatens to close Good Burger because of their enormous patties and unlimited resources. But the dinky joint has Ed on their side, whose homemade burger sauce concoction turns out to be the Good Burger’s saving grace — that is, if Mondo Burger doesn’t get their hands on the recipe.

After packing a bowl and surrounding myself with pickles and Chinese take-out, I turned on Good Burger and was immediately met with this:

Then this:

Needless to say, I clearly wasn’t high enough, so I smoked some more.

Shortly after we’re introduced to Ed, who lives and breathes Good Burger, we meet Dexter, who’s managed to piss off his teacher, Mr. Wheat, who’s sporting a sequined shirt scribbled with phrases such as, “I’m black and I’m proud,” and “Black is beautiful.”

My stoned self thought, Well this is slightly problematic, eh? Followed by, I mean, I guess it’s kind of groovy. Followed by, I wonder where that outfit is right at this very moment. Followed by, I wonder what Sinbad is doing at this very moment. I wonder if he’s eating pickles like me. I wonder if he even likes pickles.

Who doesn’t like pickles? My boyfriend is on the fence about pickles. Maybe we should break up. Nah, he just bought this Chinese food. And he’s sitting through Good Burger with me.  

Then we meet the Mondo Burger crew…

…Who was obviously inspired by Proto Zoa of Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century, arguably the greatest Disney Channel Original Movie.

Although Smart House and Brink equally rank as close seconds.

Then there’s a bunch of shenanigans following Mondo’s quest for the secret sauce mixed with the comic misadventures of Dexter and Ed, who are desperately trying to protect the recipe. I ended up getting a little sleepy, but then, one of the greatest All That cast members appeared: Lori Beth Denberg, famous for “Vital Information.”

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRoNI9xpuoE]

Denberg’s random showing up forced me to get real real for a second and consider the plethora of discarded child actors of the world. Lori Beth Denberg was actually funny, I hazily thought. She had the ability to be Melissa McCarthy before Hollywood started paying attention to Jenny McCarthy’s cousin, Melissa McCarthy. She was pure deadpan and dabbled in the art of observational comedy before most teens are able to care about anyone but themselves, let alone, the world around them. Where are you Lori Beth Denberg?! The only recent memory I have of you, for some reason unbeknownst to us both, is your IMDB picture, which features you holding a plush alligator purse for no rhyme or reason.

My boyfriend then informed me that she was briefly in Dodgeball as Martha Johnstone, the heavy-set cheerleader whom scrawny Justin Long has to lift over his head.

This jarred me out of my stoned stupor because HOW THE HELL IS JUSTIN LONG FAMOUS AND LORI BETH ISN’T? Oh yeah, because Hollywood is a toilet.

Then I came to the conclusion that I need to heat up my eggroll…

By the way, did you know that Shaq loves Good Burger? This scene completely escaped my memory until now.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iShufdM1lFM]

Later on, Bloodline‘s Linda Cardellini makes a brief appearance as Heather, who befriends Ed at an asylum where him and Dexter are being contained for not giving up the secret sauce recipe. This scene was particularly interesting to revisit nearly two decades later because along with all the previous political incorrectness, it’s a tad #problematic in relation to how mental health is referred to in this day in age.

The only time you here the word, “psychopath” is on Bravo, and let’s face it: that channel isn’t working to disprove stereotypes anytime soon.

Released in 1997, Good Burger was rated PG and marketed toward tweens and teens of the time. I actually wasn’t allowed to see it until a couple of years after it came out, even though Nickelodeon was my go-to channel as a wee child. My parents thought it might be “a little too raunchy” for a six-year-old and that I should probably just wait “until I can understand all the jokes.” Don’t get me wrong, my parents would answer anything I threw their way as a kid, no matter how trying: “Mom, do you think humans could ever be invisible? What if they get naked?” “Dad, do you think Mickey (our late feline) cares that we can see him poop sometimes?” Or my mother’s personal favorite after I watched the Lindsay Lohan version of The Parent Trap: “Mom, are you keeping a twin sister from me? No I will not stop talking in an English accent. No, not until you tell me why you never sent me to camp!”

Yet, even after I finally saw Good Burger circa 2000, the low-brow humor and innuendos went right over my head. It wasn’t until the ripe age of 23 did I finally understand that my generation was offered a slew of movies and shows that weren’t necessarily made for kids. It wasn’t until recently did I put two and two together and discover that Dan Schneider (the mind behind All That and The Amanda Show among others) teamed up with Head of the Class co-star Brian Robbins to create the movie-version saga of one of Kenan and Kel’s famed sketches. By no means is Good Burger a good movie, but its goofiness is worth revisiting (especially while stoned), because never once does it feel condescendingly dumbed down or “for kids.”

Soon after that, I dozed in and out of sleep and woke up just in time to watch Dexter and Ed save the day. Mondo Burger ended up getting busted by police for putting chemicals in their burgers to make them more addictive. Hmm… sounds like someone at Nickelodeon had a bone to pick with Mickey D’s.

POST-HIGH THOUGHTS: To reiterate, Good Burger is not a pillar of cinema in the slightest. It is, however, worth re-watching as a member of the Generation-Y community if you want to get a grasp on why your sense of humor as an adult is so warped. Or why Kenan Thompson is your favorite Saturday Night Live cast member. In my post-high conclusion, my only wish is that Kenan and Kel would briefly reunite — not to make amends or anything mushy like that — but so Coolio could sing that kick-ass theme song one final time.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JPSui9nR2g]

 

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Photos/Gifs: HBO Go, Nickelodeon, Twitter, Disney via Tumblr [1,2]