‘Poldark’ Recap: A Hot Guy Returns Home From War To Find Everyone Hates Him

There are few things as delightful to me as watching a handsome man in a tricorn hat suffer setbacks. So, basically, I’m going to be all about season one of Poldark. The new Masterpiece show is being touted as the next big thing for nerds who get off on words like “forlorn,” “cravats,” and “huzzah!” You know, people like me (and if you’re reading this — people like you, too).
Poldark is the rare British period drama that doesn’t start in a UK drawing room; it starts in Virginia. Our hero is Ross Poldark (Aidan Turner). We know he’s a hero because he’s handsome, he’s cool, and he’s a reluctant Redcoat who is sympathetic for the American cause. We also know he’s our hero because he’s damn good with a musket.

Even though we see Ross get hit with a serious head wound — and even though most people would die from a head wound in 1781 — Ross is no ordinary human being. He’s a literary hero, and like all great literary heroes, he’s guided by a higher power: love. Ross clings to hazy, sunset-lit memories of his beloved Elizabeth (Heida Reed). She’s a tall, delicate gentlewoman who says things like, “Pray, do not be reckless.” She gives him a ring that looks like it’s from the sale bin at Anthropologie and worries he’ll forget her while he’s at war.

It’s this beautiful memory that guides Ross back to the light and eventually carries him home to Cornwall. Unfortunately, two years have passed and since no one in the 1780s had email or cell phones or reliable mail, everyone thinks Ross is dead. Furthermore, no one thought to tell Ross that his “scoundrel” father is dead and he’s about to inherit a couple of run-down copper mines and a house in disrepair. He hears the news from some strangers in a carriage who are gossiping about him while they think he’s asleep. People suck!
Do you know who sucks more than people, though? The Poldarks. Well, most of the Poldarks. Verity Poldark (Ruby Bentall) is awesome, but the rest of them suck.
The Poldarks are all happy when wayward Ross returns from the dead and comes over for dinner, but they’re also acting like Ross’s return is hella awkward. That would be because Elizabeth is engaged to his rich doofus cousin, Francis (Kyle Soller).

To make matters worse, as soon as they drop this heaping pile of poop on Ross’s parade, they go on and on about how his life sucks, his inheritance sucks, and he probably should have stayed dead. I mean, they say all that in a classy British way, but they say it nonetheless. Why? Because they’re ASSHOLES.
Ross goes back home where he discovers that his dad’s two dirtbag servants have been drinking their way through his father’s cellars and letting animals deficate over his family furniture. Their excuse is that there was a rumor — A RUMOR!!! — he was dead. This explains the abuse of alcohol, but not why the house looks worse than the manger Christ was born in. Ross is pissed off. All this disappointment leads to some sexy brooding from Aidan Turner.

Ross tries to regroup, but things still don’t look good. In addition to heartbreak and financial ruin, Ross doesn’t realize that he’s got some actual enemies. The Warleggans — YES, THAT IS THEIR NAME — are a greedy banking family hellbent on taking over everything. Watch out for the bankers!
Later, Francis and Ross have some serious Poldark cousin bonding time. They go spelunking in a mine! Francis decides that this is the moment to remind Ross that his life sucks and maybe he should sell everything and go off and be a farmer. He also takes this time to invite Ross to his wedding to Elizabeth. Francis is a bonehead. This gets highlighted when he falls into a pool of water and Ross briefly considers letting him drown.

Ross saves his cousin, though, because heroes don’t let their cousins drown. That said, Ross is also a Poldark, which makes him part asshole. He straight up tells Francis that he almost let him drown. That’s way harsh, Ross. Still, I’ll forgive you because you’re so hot and brooding.
Elizabeth and Francis have a lovely wedding that’s only undermined by Ross’s despair and the Warleggans’ insistence on making the happy day into a networking event. George is hoping to loan the impoverished Ross some money, but Ross doesn’t ask for help from anyone. He’s a hero. They don’t need help! In fact, heroes don’t even need banks. They just need a horse and their fists. So, Ross bounces back by being a dick to Elizabeth on her wedding day. You know, to show her how much he cares. Later, Ross gets drunk alone at home and throws her ring against the wall in an act of defiance. That’ll show her! That’ll show everyone!

Ross’s uncle Charles gives him the most depressing pep talk ever. It’s all about how the mines are failing and the family’s in debt, but he still thinks Ross has a chance. That is, if Ross will take his money and get the heck out of Cornwall. Ross listens to the logic of going back to school on a free ride and says, “Nah.” Later, Ross goes to market day, where sells some family heirlooms, buys a cow, and saves a street urchin from getting beat up by a mob. You know, normal dude stuff.

Take that, rabble!
Ross discovers that the street urchin is a girl named Demelza Carne (Elinor Tomlinson). She’s run away from home and disguised herself as a boy to escape an abusive father. Woof. (Oh, and she comes with a cute dog named Garrick!) Finally, there’s someone whose life sucks more than Ross Poldark’s. Ross is so impressed that someone can be more miserable than he is that he gives her a job as a kitchen maid.
Inspired by Demelza, Ross decides to make his life even worse. He goes to his uncle’s house to return all the Warleggan cash that his uncle sent him and to get into a fight with Elizabeth. She tries to calmly explain that he’s lost his chance and she’s with Francis now. Ross is not happy about this and storms out. He tells her to let his uncle know that he’s going to take the cash and run. Elizabeth pleads, “At least let us part as friends!” Ross storms off and grimly says, “We can never be friends!” Ya, burnt!

When Ross gets home, he finds out that Demelza’s drunk dad has shown up with a mob to take back his daughter. This is exactly what Ross Poldark needs. His testosterone is literally singing as it surges through his veins. What follows is a real good old-fashioned brawl. There are head butts and bloody noses, kicks and punches. It’s a veritable��kerfluffle!

Ross wins, but Demelza still loses. Even though her father is sent packing, she overhears Ross complain about how much trouble she is. Despondent, she runs away. Ross, naturally, goes after her. Punching her dad (and knowing that the miners are all on his side) has given Ross newfound confidence in himself.

He barely needs to say anything to her girl. His sexy black eye and the glorious sunset views do all the talking for him. She’s in his thrall and will be his wench for life.
Elizabeth runs into them on their way back and desperately pleads with Ross to stay in Cornwall. Ross smirks and acts like it was his plan to stay put all along. Demelza is like, “Who’s this lady? Why am I here? Should I say something? I feel like this is something personal that I really shouldn’t be listening to. UGH.”

Our hero ends by triumphantly declaring that he lost sight of something, and now that he’s found it, he’s going home. He could mean Demelza or he could mean his confidence. He probably means both. Heroes have a way of speaking in puns and double entendres when it suits them and, by God, Ross Poldark is a hero.
Next Week: Verity meets an unworthy suitor and Demelza sneaks peeks of Ross while he goes skinny-dipping. I LOVE THIS SHOW. [Watch Poldark on PBS]

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