Which Of Amazon’s Six New Kids Pilots Are Worth Your (And Your Children’s) Time?

In its own trail-blazing, power to the people kind of way, Amazon released pilots of six new children’s shows today, giving viewers the opportunity to provide feedback about which should be developed into an Amazon Original Kids Series. Given the success and quality of Amazon’s other recent children’s shows—Amazon Studios original series Tumble Leaf won five daytime Emmys!—and my fondness for Gortimer Gibbon’s Life on Normal Street, I was excited to check them out.

Read on to find out which shows I’ll be asking Amazon to take to series, as well as those that my seven-year-old daughter would cast her vote for and why — all ranked on a scale of zero to five juiceboxes!

THE ADVENTURES OF KNICKERBOCK TEETERTOP

In this adorably animated offering we have what I will call “The New Usual” cast of characters: there’s the adventure-seeking, imaginative young boy (Knickerbock), his super eager and positive female sidekick (Holly), and his neurotic but lovable other friend (Otto). The episode opens with Knickerbock’s grandpa telling him the story of how he captured brilliant, colorful light in a jar at the kaleidoscope slug parade (natch). Our exuberant young adventurer then hops in his “Wonderboggan,” picks up his friends, and heads out to mimic his grandpa’s wild journey.

The format here is reminiscent of Dora the Explorer, in that Knickerbock and his crew encounter challenges and surprises as they move through their fantastical world and are able to persevere with a little teamwork and stick-to-it-ness. (One of two repeated tag lines was actually “stick to it and you’ll get through it.”)

The art is lovely to look at and nobody can argue with the show’s message. I did find myself wondering, however, as I do with all of these pre-school aged shows, where are Knickerbock’s parents? Why is there never an adult accompanying these kids on their treacherous missions? But that could just be my inner helicopter mom talking.

MY VOTE:

MY 7-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER’S VOTE:

[Watch The Adventures of Knickerbock Teetertop on Amazon Prime Instant Video]

LOST IN OZ

This is a wildly imaginative and brilliantly updated take on L. Frank Baum’s classic story wherein Dorothy accidentally ends up in Oz after finding a magical book hidden beneath the floorboards of her house. Once there, she learns that in order to return home, she needs to gather up one of each of the elements on the periodic table of magic. Alas, a crime wave has left Oz in the midst of a great magic shortage.

In the pilot, 12-year-old Dorothy meets an aspiring witch named West, whose mother happens to be a friend of Dorothy’s mom. (A-ha! The plot thickens!) She’s also aided by a giant munchkin named Ojo, and of course, her dog Toto.

I was actually excited by this show. The Wizard of Oz is such a big part of my personal pop culture history and it made me happy to see someone taking another crack at bringing the story to new audiences. My daughter was enthralled. Her facial expressions changed to match Dorothy’s fluctuating emotions and dropped when the episode ended. “Let’s watch the next one!” she begged. Damn you, pilot season!

MY VOTE:

MY DAUGHTER’S VOTE:

[Watch Lost In Oz on Amazon Prime Instant Video]

LILY THE UNICORN

I’ve never been fan of SpongeBob. Let me just start there.

This crazy animated show about, yes, a unicorn, is produced by the Jim Henson Company but there’s not a trace of Muppet or Fraggle energy anywhere that I can see. It feels much more like an episode of SpongeBob, which I watch with equal parts hope and confusion. I’m hoping I’ll “get it,” hoping it’ll strike me as funny, but also utterly confused by the concept and the pace. This type of programming actually brings up concern for the attention span of future generations.

That said, my daughter thought Lily was “really cute,” which is high praise from a girl who wants all creatures in her life to be “really cute.” She would let Lily and her friends in. I would not. In this one episode, Lily’s absentmindedly yet jubilantly performed song about her friends’ new culinary creation – the falafel waffle – instantly becomes a viral sensation. Before you know it, even Lily’s penguin friend, Roger, has the song jammed in his head despite being oblivious to its existence. The two then visit a guru (is he a donkey?) who tells them about the time in 1998 that he got that Chumbawamba song stuck in his head and had to do everything backwards to get it out.

If I’m 25 and stoned, yes. If I’m trying to preserve the sanity of my kindergartener, no.

MY VOTE:

MY DAUGHTER’S VOTE:

[Watch Lily The Unicorn on Amazon Prime Instant Video]

BEAR IN UNDERWEAR

This ill-conceived animated show is based on the bestselling children’s book series of the same name. The title character, Eddie Behr, wishes to be a legend among his peers, just like his dad who discovered a pair of tighty whiteys left behind at a campsite and sold his entire community on the idea of “Behr slacks.” I know that’s kind of funny but the actual humor in this show, again directed at 6- to 11-year-old kids, ends there.

Eddie spends the episode wracking his brain to come up with an ingenious invention and hits on a hat fashioned out of marshmallows and twigs. The animation style reminded me a lot of Ren and Stimpy, especially the facial expressions, and made me think this show would be more suitably marketed to the MTV viewer. There’s just no value here, educational or otherwise, for elementary school-aged kids.

As my daughter put it, “It’s kind of ‘out of your mind.’ There’s no direct hit in it.” I gathered from talking with her more that by “direct hit,” she meant “point.” There’s no point to this story. And even kids, with their often rambling storytelling style, appreciate a point.

MY VOTE:

MY DAUGHTER’S VOTE:

[Watch Bear In Underwear on Amazon Prime Instant Video]

A HISTORY OF RADNESS

This first of two live-action options follows twins Jack and Tessie as they form a band at their new middle school. Jack’s having a tough time transitioning from their old school in Seattle to their new, more polished environment in Pleasant Meadows. His sister provides just the right amount of understanding and encouragement to get them both through the auditioning process and, wouldn’t ya know, the school tough guy turns out to be the perfect lead singer.

I always appreciate when young actors refrain from over-acting, so that was a big check in the plus column for me. My daughter took note of the classic switch from bad guy to best friend when she said, “It’s cool how in the beginning you can be really scared of someone but then you can even have them be in your band!”

Written and executive produced by the guy who brought you Hannah Montana (Andrew Green), the show is scored by James Iha (The Smashing Pumpkins), and features original music by Hutch Harris of The Thermals. I’m not sure if this constitutes a musical all-star team, but there’s enough talent to allow for the possibility of said radness. Plus, Henry Rollins shows up as the school’s cross country coach.

MY VOTE:

MY DAUGHTER’S VOTE:

[Watch A History Of Radness on Amazon Prime Instant Video]

THE KICKS

I can’t say the name of this show without then saying, “ugh,” but that doesn’t mean it’s not a worthy contender in this batch of mostly good programming. Based on the books (of the same questionable title) written by current US Women’s National Team superstar Alex Morgan, this show follows middle-schooler Devin Burke as she navigates the ups and downs of playing for a losing team at her new school.

The story’s been adapted by David Babcock, who has also written for shows such as Gilmore Girls and Brothers and Sisters, so there’s hope on the character depth front, which is not something I would say about a lot of live-action tween-ish television shows. The Kicks also features a strong, natural leader in its female main character and you’ll never hear me say we have enough of those.

One big stylistic drawback for me is that it’s shot in the now tired documentary style (Modern Family gets away with it because they started when it was not yet annoying), so there’s that to deal with.

My daughter wasn’t super enthusiastic about this one, simply because, as she said, “I’m not really into soccer,” but she did pick up on one of the show’s driving messages: “I like the part where she passed the ball to the girl who wasn’t feeling very happy, so it was like they were working as a team.” That counts for something in my book.

MY VOTE:

MY DAUGHTER’S VOTE:

[Watch The Kicks on Amazon Prime Instant Video]

So there you have it! Based on the scores of our patented Juicebox Ranking System, we think you should watch these shows in this order: Lost In Oz (10 out of 10 juiceboxes!), The History Of Knickerbock Teetertop / A History Of Radness (each scoring 8 out of 10 juiceboxes), The Kicks (6 out of 10 juiceboxes), Lily The Unicorn (4 out of 10) and Bear In Underwear (no juiceboxes, sadly).

Angela Arsenault is a freelance journalist and a reformed cable subscriber. Feel free to follow her infrequent tweets with no discernible theme: @justthisbreath.

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[Juicebox illustrations by Jaclyn Kessel]