‘Sweet Fancy Moses’: The 10 Essential Elaine Episodes of ‘Seinfeld’

Elaine accompanies Jerry to visit his parents in Florida, only to be subjected to the twin horrors of no air conditioning and a killer sofa-bed with a bar down the middle. So Elaine injures her back and has to take a bunch of painkillers, just in time to meet Jerry’s Uncle Leo and Aunt Stella. What results is comedy’s greatest tribute to Tennessee Williams.

While Jerry is busy dealing with a perceived nose-picking incident, Elaine has to deal with the aftermath of a careless Christmas card photo. It seems she missed a button, and this has treated everybody on her holiday card list to a peek-a-boo look at her nipple. Dreyfus gets to play some of her best notes here as Elaine desperately tries to damage-control the situation, switching from meek contrition to defensive anger at a moment’s notice. Just ask poor George.

Sometimes Seinfeld put Elaine through some big storylines: her job, her relationships, that kind of thing. But just as enjoyable were the moments of social-contract minutiae that made Seinfeld what it was. In this particular episode, Elaine becomes obsessed with the unseen woman who refused to spare even one square of toilet paper when Elaine was bereft in the adjacent stall. Elaine’s ultimate revenge was over-the-top and doubtlessly sweet.

This episode doesn’t make the list for the entirety of Elaine’s storyline. As an episode in full, it’s just as good a showcase for Kramer, who’s palling around with his actor friend Mickey. No, this episode earns its spot on this list of definitive Elaine episodes by featuring the single best Elaine scene in the entire run of the show: when she gives Jerry the details on her date the night previous, when the gentleman abruptly “took it out.” Every single word and movement from Julia Louis-Dreyfus in this scene is a work of art.

“The Hamptons” is best known for George’s storyline — wherein Jerry’s girlfriend walks in on him post-swimming and sees him with significant shrinkage — but Elaine is just as much this episode’s MVP, and not just for her “and then there’s Maude” sun-hat. She gets the hots for friend-of-friends Dr. Ben Pfeffer, only to be vexed when he calls both her and their friends’ ugly baby “breathtaking.”

Like “The Stand-In,” “The Beard” makes the list for featuring one of the best Elaine scenes ever, in this case, Elaine angrily removing George’s toupee and throwing it out the window (“I DON’T LIKE THIS THING! And here’s what I’m doing with it!”). But Elaine’s actual storyline is also pretty strong, even if it does feature the relatively retrograde notion of Elaine convincing the homosexual object of her affection to “switch teams” for her. It doesn’t work, of course. She can’t compete with guys who have access to the equipment 24/7.

Bonus points: This is the episode where Jerry tries to pass a lie detector test about his Melrose Place watching habits.

This one’s an easy call. Elaine’s epic battle of wills with New York City’s most mercilessly protocol-driven soup cook is one of Seinfeld‘s signature stories. The way she cockily fans herself with his recipes when she knows she has him beat is genius.

Seldom has Elaine’s dating life seen a bigger challenge than the discontinuation of her preferred method of birth control: the Today sponge. Her initial attempts to horde are funny enough on their own, but her decision to ration them, necessitating an audition process to decide which men would be “sponge-worthy,” took it to the next level.

No list of essential Elaine Benes episodes would be complete without “The Little Kicks,” the episode where Elaine decides to turn things out at an office party by hitting the dance-floor. The resulting abomination of dance (George describes it as “like a full-body dry-heave set to music”) instantly made a place for itself among the best moments of TV comedy.

Elaine’s time spent working for the J. Peterman catalog provided for some of her best moments. In this particular episode, co-worker Peggy keeps mistakenly calling Elaine “Susie,” leading to a misunderstanding with Peterman that creates an entire phantom persona of “Susie.” The lengths to which Elaine will go to keep the “Susie” ruse alive are frankly Costanza-esque, but her ultimate objection to being called “Suze” are pure Elaine.

RELATED: The Top 50 Seinfeld Side Characters Ever

Joe Reid (@joereid) is a freelance writer living in Brooklyn. You can find him leaving flowers for Mrs. Landingham at the corner of 18th and Potomac.

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