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Amazon Studios has been a bright shining star in the sometimes dark, barren universe of children’s programming. Each time they present a fresh crop of pilots, I get a little excited. After all, this is the same team that produced my beloved Gortimer Gibbon’s Life on Normal Street. So enough with the metaphors — let’s see what Amazon is serving up this season as they debuts another batch of hopefuls. Here they are, complete with our patented juice box ratings for your speed-reading pleasure.

EVERSTAR

Eleven-year-old Ainsley Wickett welcomes a challenge. We watch as she confidently guides her small sailboat through stormy seas with her less-adventure-prone BFF, George, questioning her choices the entire way. And we see what happens when Ainsley responds to a distress call while hanging out at the lighthouse. “I can help guide your ship,” she says. The voice on the other end of the call informs Ainsley that she’s locking on to the girl’s coordinates. This is actually our second clue that we might not be dealing with a regular old ship lost at sea.

When Ainsley gets home, she and poor old George are beamed up to the Everstar, a troubled spaceship that’s been hiding out from some nasty alien pirates. It’s up to Ainsley and George (an engineering genius) to steer the Everstar to safety, even though their best option for evading the pirates could make a return to Earth impossible.

What I found most interesting about this show was its hinted-at undertone about how an individual’s decisions affect those around them. George is a good friend who has no interest in an intergalactic journey that could take him away from his family forever, but Ainsley convinces him to go along with her plan – just like she got him out on a sailboat in a storm. So, perhaps, it’s also opening the door for a parent-led discussion about choosing your friends wisely. But again, these are undertones.

The obvious overtone (is that just “the tone”?) is one of a strong-willed female lead who’s poised to take viewers on an eventful ride through space, where she’s sure to realize that she’ll do whatever it takes to get back to the place she thought she wanted to escape from: home.

JUICE BOX RATING:

[Watch Everstar on Amazon Prime Video]

THE NUMBERLYS

This odd but slightly charming preschool-aged show is like Wall-E meets the Teletubbies. Five colorful characters (wearing the numbers one through five) bumble their way through a homogenous world apparently inhabited by child labor victims (!?!) who wake up when told, march in line to morning playtime (bouncing a ball five times), and then on to the number-making factory.

In this pilot episode, the friends discover a happy green sprout forcing its way up through the concrete and feel compelled to protect it, whatever “it” is. They succeed, discovering along the way that it needs sunlight, soil, and water to live. When they bury the roots in dirt the sprout quickly grows into a big, strong tree directly in the way of the oncoming marching worker army (again, !?!). But change is good in their world (not what I would have expected) and all the little lemmings enjoy a new kind of afternoon playtime in the form of tree-climbing.

Maybe I’m missing something because I’m not familiar with the book, short film, and app that inspired the show, but I was turned off by the cynical sameness of this world’s denizens. On the flipside, I think it’s great that the show’s focus is on those characters who are different, who appreciate beauty; who work towards change. I’m just not so sure I’d want my three-year-old introduced to these concepts via The Handmaid’s Tale.

JUICE BOX RATING:

[Watch The Numberlys on Amazon Prime Video]

EDDIE OF THE REALMS ETERNAL

Long ago, the evil Shadow Queen threatened to destroy the peaceful life of all magical beings within the Realms Eternal… But a wise wizard teamed up with a really brave human to defeat her, restoring calm to the land and promising that the witch would never be heard from again.

Well, she’s back. And with the wise wizard long dead, his boastful and unprepared grandson, Hobi, must take on the Queen and her minions to protect his fellow elves, and all who dwell in the Realms. Hobi can think of only one solution: summon that great human hero who goes by the name “Edward Armstrong.” Except, he ends up with Edward Armstrong’s wimpy grandson, Eddie, and the predictable highjacks ensue.

I was prepared to furrow my brow at this one (I know, I’m so harsh) but as the episode rolled on I relaxed my frontalis muscle and instead engaged my… the muscles that make you smile. The writing is clever and the voice acting (especially affable Hobi) is noteworthy for its vitality. I had high hopes for the look of the show, given that it was animated by the same studio that brought us the goooorgeous Song of the Sea, and was disappointed that the visuals more closely resembled the Snorks.

Pushing past the late-80s animation, though, I found an entertaining show with lots of room for adventure and even some old-fashioned lessons of the afterschool special variety.

JUICE BOX RATING:

[Watch Eddie Of The Realms Eternal on Amazon Prime Video]

YOYOTOKI HAPPYEARS!

No. Just, no. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again – what’s with these children’s television shows that are clearly meant to be watched by stoned-ass adults? This show could find a home on the Cartoon Network but has no business being viewed on a ten-year-old’s iPad.

Yoyotoki HappyEars is a fox who mistakenly ends up (with her fox parents) in a land called Mytholopia. Everyone here has magical powers, except for Yoyotoki. When presented with the possibility of acquiring such powers through the granting of a wish by the elf king, Yoyotoki sets off on an acid trip of a journey with her friends Steak (a gummy bear) and Hotwings (a pig with wings. At least, I think it’s a pig…?).

Of course funny stuff happens. Of course I smirked more than once and wanted to travel back in time to a couch in a college dorm room with a two-foot bong in front of me. But at no point did I think that any child in my care would ever be allowed to watch this show. In fact, I actually thought that if I knew of a child in someone else’s care watching this show, it would be grounds for permanent banishment from my kid’s life. I know I sound like a prude, or a square, or a… THOUGHTFUL PARENT. I’m okay with that.

JUICE BOX RATING:

[Watch Yoyotoki Happyears! on Amazon Prime Video]

IF YOU GIVE A MOUSE A COOKIE

This one’s kind of a softball, dont’cha think? And that’s fine, it doesn’t make the show undesirable. But if you’ve read the book (or any others in the series, which have sold more than 16 million copies), you’ve seen the show.

It’s adorable, to be sure, with artwork that looks hand drawn and a sweet young boy, Oliver, as our narrator. Oliver takes the viewer on a walk to the store through a series of “If you… then…” statements, some of which make perfect sense and others that make sense only in this charming world where a pet mouse wears the cutest frickin’ rolled-up overalls ever.

In addition to the calm, relatively quiet tone of this show, there’s the added potential bonus of introducing the cause-and-effect notion to preschoolers. But I’d bet money that most of them just walk away from it wanting a cookie.

JUICE BOX RATING:

[Watch If You Give A Mouse A Cookie on Amazon Prime Video]

DANGER AND EGGS

How many hours must have been accrued over the years by American students working to protect a tiny egg? We build elaborate landing pads for them in elementary school and then cart them around in strollers at some point in high school as a form of “life experience” birth control. When we’re not eating them, we’re coddling and cradling eggs as if our life – or theirs – depended on it.

Which is why the concept of this show delights me so. Human girl D.D. Danger, an aspiring stuntwoman, is looked after by her good friend, Phillip, a gigantic egg. Whatever craziness D.D. gets up to, Phillip is there to ensure D.D. has a soft landing.

Unfortunately, my affinity for this show ends at its clever-as-heck concept. Because here again we venture into that annoying realm wherein the watchers of a particular show are actually being made dumber by its watching. I can get behind entertainment for entertainment’s sake; I don’t believe that every show needs to have an educational component. I also refuse to accept the implied notion that children’s content (and, make no mistake, 6- to 11-year old people are still CHILDREN) is not actually harmful just because it’s well-intended.

JUICE BOX RATING:

[Watch Danger And Eggs on Amazon Prime Video]

Angela Arsenault is a freelance journalist and a reformed cable subscriber. Feel free to follow her infrequent tweets with no discernible theme: @justthisbreath.