Fun
Frisky
Nostalgic
Intense
Adventurous
Choked Up
Curious
Romantic
Weird
Fuller House, the Full House sequel fans weren’t clamoring for, arrives on Netflix on February 26th. The first trailer for the show reveals that it’s either going to be some kind of purposeful horror parody, or a confusing mess. Either way, I’m in.
As a fan of the original show, I can’t wait to see what all my favorite Tanner family gal pals have been up to since the series was canceled 1995. (Just moments after Michelle Tanner got her memory back!) I also can’t wait to get a few key questions answered. Because even as an elementary school child back in the ‘90s, I still ended each show with several questions.
So, here’s hoping that this time around, they’re all addressed!
Will there be a point when Danny Tanner, Uncle Jesse, and Joey Gladstone address the fact that it took three grown men extraordinary amounts of effort to raise three young girls?
Because, I don’t know—the amount of hijinks involved in changing a diaper seemed excessive. Especially since Danny already raised (or, realistically, help raised) two other children. And Joey and Jesse aren’t exactly fully employed throughout the show. It’s not that parenting’s easy, it’s just that a show revolving around three women raising a group of sisters wouldn’t ever have the same amount of mayhem and mischief.
Speaking of three grown men, do they ever apologize to Kimmy Gibbler?
Was she the most annoying neighbor ever? Of course. Did she experiment too boldly with half-ponytails? Probably. Did she deserve to be constantly bullied by her best friend’s three adult caretakers? Absolutely not.
Since this topic’s gotten plenty of attention on the internet in recent years, I can only hope the series premiere kicks off with a genuine sorry. Or, at the very least, some kind of explanation for their behavior.
And speaking of grown people in general, how did Jesse convince Becky to raise two children in his brother-in-law’s attic?
And don’t think I forgot about the fact their bed folded down from the wall. Sure, sure, I get that Jesse’s “like” a father figure to DJ, Stephanie, and Michelle. But he’s literally a father figure to Nicky and Alex, so that might’ve merited a move out. (Though, I will concede that those awesome car beds made up for the situation, a little.)
Oh, and while we’re on the topic of Jesse, how will the show address that he's aging backwards?
We’ve all seen John Stamos benjamin-buttoning over the past few decades—I can only hope it won’t go unmentioned this season. Fine, that’s a lie. I have another hope, and that’s learning his secret to getting better and better looking.
Will it ever be explained if Joey was supposed to actually be funny?
Even as a young child, I found “cut it out” exasperating. And Mr. Woodchuck was the stuff of nightmares. (Style and otherwise—what was that suit?) What I could never quite put my finger on is if the Tanners thought Joey’s comedy was top-notch, or if they just occasionally all agreed to throw him a bone.
On the topic of careers, what are the chances there’s an entire episode dedicated to their finances?
I’d even accept a rough estimate of their individual annual incomes. I know I’m not the only one curious as to how they afforded that house. Sure, I guess Wake Up, San Francisco could be a cash cow. But in the early days, Danny’s supporting three kids, two grown-ups, and a dog on that salary.
Although that would explain why they couldn’t afford a bigger couch, no?
For such a large family-time-loving family, they sure did have a small couch. Especially when Becky and the twins come onto the scene. Did they even discuss a sectional? Another couch? Perhaps an oversized loveseat? Really anything that could seat more than a third of their large family at any given time?
But would it explain why Jesse originally decorated his room like a low-rate neighborhood bar? Or where they all parked their cars after Joey turned the garage into his bedroom?
Just saying some answers would be nice. (Also, saying on the record, that I’m the last person you want to watch a fun family show with because I’m all about pointing out this kind of stuff. Approximately zero people enjoy watching rom-coms with me.)
Will we find out the fates of Viper, Gia, Teddy, Denise, Vicki, Yankee Doodle Derek, Aaron, Mr. Bear, The Rippers, and Michelle’s identical cousin?
Because even a cynical person like me cares about what happens to plot devices.
Was there ever a night when Danny went into the girls’ room to teach them a heartwarming lesson, and just as he was turning the handle, he was like, “You know what, I can’t, I just can’t. I’m not an improv star, I’m not a life coach, I’m just the anchor of a local morning news show. I honestly never have any idea what I’m saying in there. More often than not, I walk out, and can’t remember the past five minutes?”
Maybe?
Jenni Maier’s an editor and writer living in New York City. She’s phenomenal at binge-watching TV shows. Even when the weather’s nice out. You can follow her on Twitter @MayorJenni.
