The ‘Billions’ Recap Reality Index: Episode 5, “The Good Life”

Welcome back to The Billions Recap Reality Index, week 5, where we will be providing due diligence for the latest episode, “The Good Life.”

When we last saw Axe (Damian Lewis), he seemed to be experiencing the onset of a bad case of post-Metallica midlife crisis. Ordering his employees to liquidate all positions, Axe has taken off to enjoy the simple pleasures of making breakfast, getting a yacht, and spending quality time with Malin Akerman in his swimming pool. But with Chuck Rhoades (Paul Giamatti) and the FBI hot on his trail, will be ever get to actually enjoy the spoils of his ill gotten gains? And will this week’s episode do a better job of keeping it real than last week’s? Let’s dig in.

THE BILLIONS REALITY INDEX

REALER THAN A RICH GUY TRADING HIS PASSONI BICYCLE FOR A FIXED GEAR TO FEEL BOHEMIAN DURING A MID-LIFE CRISIS

• Axe is getting ready to take delivery of his new yacht, and when he brings it up at family breakfast, he mentions that he and his wife designed it together. That’s just like Steve Jobs, who designed his monster yacht Venus with his wife, showing that designing yachts together can be quality time for billionaire couples.
  PLUS 1
• The investigators caught on to Dollar Bill by finding a hotel room he booked. The only reason he left a paper trail was because he wanted the reward points from his platinum card.
  PLUS 2 because reward points are practically an addiction for many people who work in finance.

• Chuck Rhoades drops a gem when wondering why Axe is liquidating: “No one quits while they’re ahead. This isn’t France. It’s America.” Nailed it.
  PLUS 1
• The farmer’s wife breaks into tears when they realize the US Attorney’s office has tricked them into giving them information even though it could cause her husband to go to jail.
  PLUS 2 because an ambitious US Attorney has no problem crushing the small guy on the road to seeking higher office.
• While grabbing drinks, Bryan and Kate from the US Attorney’s office have a conversation, where Bryan tells Kate:
  “Well, next time, you can pay. Maybe at Luger’s after you sign a 7 figure deal to Sullivan Cromwell.”
  “What’s that mean?”
  “You’re brilliant.”

  PLUS 2 because the top talent in securities law tends to work there.

• Chuck Rhoades: an anti wall street crusader who can’t help but succumb to his S&M addiction. How very timely, and real.
  PLUS 1
• Faced with the possibility that Axe Capital is closing, an employee wonders aloud “Why didn’t I save any money? The Hamptons rental, trip to Europe, shoes…”
  PLUS 1 for the very real situation in finance of well-paid professionals who spend just as big as they earn.
• Sitting around bored wondering what’s going on, a PM at Axe Capital mentions reading about Axe, saying “Dealbreaker had a blind item on him, said it’s temporary insanity.”
  PLUS 1 for mentioning the must-read financial gossip blog.
• While trying to rally the troops, Axe Capital’s in-house psychiatrist says “This time could be useful, remind us that we love what we do.” To which Dollar Bill replies, “I love what I make.” A perfect quote for describing working in finance.
  PLUS 1

• When the people of Axe Capital get bored, there’s an eating contest in the office and large sums of money are bet on it.
  PLUS 2 for the treasured finance tradition.
• While mentioning surveillance, the US Attorney’s office discusses the fact that there are rumors Axe constantly has phones checked and rooms swept for bugs, making tapping the phone difficult.
  PLUS 1, as security firms have stated many funds have taken up this practice.

POINTS FOR REAL: PLUS 15

FAKER THAN A HEDGE FUND MANAGER NAMING HIS YACHT “THE GOOD LIFE” INSTEAD OF GOING FOR A SOLID FINANCE-RELATED PUN

• Why is Wags, the COO, handling the liquidation process rather than a trader?
  MINUS 1
• A higher up at the US Attorney’s office entertaining the idea of having a subordinate act as a guarantor for an apartment? That’s crazy and a recipe for disaster.
  MINUS 1
• A reporter storms into the US Attorney’s office and wants to confirm rumors they’re doing a full scale investigation of Axe Capital. He goes on to note rumors that Axe Capital is shuttering, which Chuck Rhoades actually did not know.
  MINUS 1, because if the US Attorney’s office were doing a full scale investigation, they’d quickly notice Axe Capital had ceased all buying and was liquidating.
• Wags is freaking out about having to deal with investors. Why would the COO be handling investors, and not the fund’s investor relations?
  MINUS 1
• Upon confirming there are rumors Axe Capital is shutting down, a junior employee at the US Attorney’s office has already instructed the FBI to run surveillance on Axe’s home. No way would a junior investigator be making those kinds of decisions without the US Attorney’s knowledge.
  MINUS 1

• A pushy reporter from the Financial Journal twists the arm of an assistant US Attorney who agrees to sit and have lunch with the journo in public, in Columbus Park across the street from work where everyone could see he’s talking to the press. No way.
  MINUS 2
• Munidatel’s stock tanks, and somehow, that is causing a broad sell off in the market? No way does a single telecom company cooking the books crush the equity markets.
  MINUS 2
• FBI show up at Axe Capital to arrest Dollar Bill. No way. He would be taken into custody early morning at his home and then perp walked in front of waiting photographers and reporters.
  MINUS 3
• Axe names his boat “The Good Life”. What a wasted opportunity.
  MINUS 1

TOTAL FOR FAKE: MINUS 12

OVERALL CUMULATIVE SCORE ON THE BILLIONS RECAP REALITY INDEX:

PLUS 3 for the week
PLUS 18 for all-time

A glorious return to positive territory for Billions for as we bank Plus 3 with the episode ending on a strong note. Axe, you tricky bastard! You fooled us all with your Axe Capital fakeout, and when you exclaimed at the end of the episode “I fucking love this place,” we realized how much you were speaking for us, too. Somewhere along the last few episodes, Billions finally sunk its teeth in and has us hooked. Now we’re left wondering, will Dollar Bill flip on Axe? Are the walls finally closing in on Axe Capital’s mastermind? And will Billions keep the momentum going on the reality index? Stick with us and see if Billions can lever up and cash in on its bull run.

[You can stream Billions on Showtime Anytime, or on Hulu and Amazon Prime Video with a Showtime subscription]

Comfortably Smug is a government relations professional with a focus on the financial services industry. He can be found on Twitter with his musings on all things finance and politics at @ComfortablySmug