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Outlander

It’s finally here. Season two of Outlander is totally, completely, and very much here (on streaming).

Now there are two ways to approach recapping Outlander. I could seriously delve into the themes and metaphors of each episode, critically appraising each choice made by the showrunners in humorless detail or I could just tell you about all the pretty clothes I like and hot guys I want to rip my proverbial bodice off for. My journalistic integrity dictates that I should go with the former, but I will not do that. Like Claire (Caitriona Balfe) herself, I will stubbornly do what I want! I will let my passions fuel me! Allons-y, dear readers! And I can say that because we are going to France.

Did you hear that? WE ARE GOING TO FRANCE.

Of course, before we can watch our beloved Jamie (Sam Heughan) and transcendent Claire stomp through the court of Versailles, gleefully overturning conventions and blithely changing history, we have to go back to Scotland. Oh, what’s this? It’s not the Scotland of Jamie Fraser! Nor is it the 1960s Scotland that kicks off A Dragonfly In Amber (aka the book this season is based on)! No, this is Scotland in 1948!

We’re with you, Claire. We don’t want to be here either!

We want to go back to that time when Jamie and Claire were rolling around in the heather. Oh, those were halcyon days! They were full of open air sex and kilts dropping and Red Coats popping up out of nowhere trying to stab you. Those were the times we filled with laughter, witch trials, and strange song-and-dance numbers! These days — the 1948 days — are full of sour afternoons listening to bad swing and being hounded by the paparazzi.

Of course, there’s a silver lining to this bold narrative choice. Starting season two with Claire and Frank’s reunion in 1948 Scotland not only offers us the chance to mirror the very first episode, but also to do something rarely done in time travel dramas: We see the characters deal with the emotional fallout of their adventures. Oh, yes, did you think that Claire could have wanton sex with a second husband in the 1740s without recompense? Her adventures have consequences. In particular, Frank — Sweet Frank (Tobias Menzies) — has had his feelings hurt.

I don’t want to diminish Sweet Frank. Sweet Frank is a rarity amongst men. He’s smart, successful, and kind. Most of all, he’s loving and forgiving. Sure, he’s not all that dashing (and he looks freakishly like his sadistic and evil ancestor), but Sweet Frank welcomes Claire back with open arms. He doesn’t care that she keeps babbling on about a handsome Scotsman from the 18th century — he’s just relieved she’s back.

He’s not so relieved when he realizes that this hunky Scotsman knocked Claire up.

I know that I wasn’t going to get all super serious here, but this whole sequence is a fascinating exploration of masculinity. When Sweet Frank realizes that his wife not only cuckolded him in the 1700s, but that he really is totally and utterly infertile, he unleashes the enraged kraken within. He nearly punched Claire and then takes out his fury on some unsuspected flower pots and knick knacks in Reverend Wakefield’s garden shed. SWEET FRANK’S VIRILITY IS IN QUESTION! SWEET FRANK SMASH!

It is only after Sweet Frank sees adorable little Roger Wakefield call his uncle “father” that it occurs to him that maybe, just maybe, he can raise Claire’s time warp baby as his own. Reverend Wakefield is all for this because this is a kind and rational solution. The only catch is that Sweet Frank wants Claire to leave all talk of that hunky Highlander behind. He burns her cool period clothes on the barbecue and whisks her off to Boston. They’ll fit in there as it is the land of nerds and drunk Celts.

Whoa-ho! What is this? It’s a flashback to a time in the past (i.e. 1745) and to a time before Claire returned back to the present. DOUBLE FLASHBACK!

And now we are here, in France, reunited with Claire, Jamie, and Moping Murtagh. The first stop is Le Havre, where Claire and Jamie get the brilliant idea that the best way to stop the Jacobite Rebellion from ever happening is to become wine merchants. No, seriously, this is their idea. They meet up with Jamie’s cousin Jared who gives them a sweetheart deal running his Paris house and wine business. The two will have an entrée into French and Scottish society and all the champagne they can chug! Hurrah!

The one catch? This super hot and obviously evil guy:

His name is “Le Comte St. Germain” and although that makes him sound like a character from The Phantom of the Opera who smells like elderberry schnapps, I am deeply on board. After all, this is Stanley Weber! The hot French asshole editor from Not Another Happy Ending. (Is it weird that Weber’s two major English-speaking roles are Scottish-tinged fare? I mean, the French and Scots do have a long-standing cultural history with one another. For more on this connection, read a history book or watch the show Reign.)

Anyway, Le Comte Du Elderberry Liqueur has it out for Claire. After she exposes the fact that his trading ship was also bringing smallpox into port, the French authorities have to burn it all down. He is not happy about this, but I kind of dig it. It’s nice to see Claire and Jamie tussle with angry brooding men — especially when they are hot.

So that’s where the season two premiere ends: With Claire making a new enemy, Jamie determined to help her stop the Jacobite Rebellion, and the knowledge that they will fail. When Claire returns to the 1940s the first thing she does is confirm that it was all in vain. But was it really? I mean, is hot, smoldering love stuff ever really in vain?