Why You Will NOT Want To Watch This Season of ‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’

When I see the words “New Real Housewives of New Jersey trailer”, I get a tingly feeling in my body, the same one that comes on when the winning Powerball numbers are about to be revealed. It’s exciting and I know, anything is possible. In just a few moments, my life could be different.
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The trailer for RHONJ season 7 started out like that. First up, there’s giggling, and beer pong, and general statements about how things are new and different. Maybe even a few tiny goosebumps when they are celebrating family, and group hugs because Teresa is back home…
From jail.
But it’s ok! We’re looking at papers closely now and snuggling and high fiving and moving on down a positive path in life. So we’re back to silly moments, and harmless marriage bickering, and we meet the crazy new ladies. There’s a positive cheers to being “survivors”…and then it gets dark. A cloud rolls in over this trailer that is bringing rain, lightning, hail and tornadoes all at once. The fighting intensifies amongst the ladies and amongst the families.

We all know the Giudices and Gorgas are no strangers to sparring. But man, dual prison sentences couldn’t change that? The trailer amps up from passive-aggressive comments to finger pointing to top-of-lungs yelling. The next thing you know, the words “felon” and “Osama Bin Laden” are being thrown around. Just a quick reminder: this is a preview for a show on Bravo. And we know this because the trailer whiplashes you right back to more tears and family drama and oh, hey, look. There’s 15-year-old Gia Giudice, saying, “He needs to go so that he can get his shit together,” presumably about her father’s 41-month prison sentence. Brace yourself, there are still 30 seconds left to this thing. More tears, although this time switching up the scenery to a ski lift, followed by handholding and sobbing hugs, and the real kicker: tears and prayers from the Giudice daughters to bring their father home soon.

And that’s enough. I’m out.
If the ladies of The Real Housewives want to bicker and talk shit and even flip a table, I’m on board. It’s titillating and dramatic and will prompt gasps from viewers as they watch. But we’re way past that. The Real Housewives of New Jersey has centered more around family than any of the other cities in the series has, mostly because almost all of the cast members are related in some way. And hey, no one is a stranger to a little family drama. Whispers of gossip here and there, even cut communication. It happens. But this is just too far.
This isn’t fun. There was nothing fun about this trailer. Even the beer pong looked sad, and that’s hard to accomplish. This is too heavy and too sad and too personal. We shouldn’t be seeing this. There are serious matters at hand that a family should deal with privately. Now, there’s a real catch-22 to the whole situation, which is that Teresa and Joe Giudice are serving their time as punishment for fraud, and since their finances are presumably not where they want them to be, they are strapped for cash. The show, and exclusive look at the whole ordeal, is where they are earning their money, hence their participation in this season. Well, that, and the fact that Teresa is overcome with FOMO the second a camera turns on and she’s not in the shot.
The new ladies are clearly turning the crazy all the way up to get screen time during this season but not in a cute, silly way, it feels more desperate and extreme with all the swearing and table banging and screaming. Even Rosie doesn’t seem to be adding any light-heartedness to this season and if we can’t count on her for that, then, what, even?

It should be pointed out that Jacqueline Laurita has shown some very personal and very emotional moments when it comes to her son’s autism and how it affects her family. While it can be sad, it is also significantly relatable. She seems to make a point of showing him and his progress as a way of demonstrating hope to parents in the same situation, and raising awareness with viewers that may not have been previously exposed to this type of situation.
In a way, the Giudices might be raising awareness of what it is like for a family to deal with an incarcerated parent because of a huge fuck up, but they might also just be making it about themselves. Seeing young girls crying and more importantly, trying to make sense of their parents’ predicament at an age where they should be watching Girl Meets World and texting with their friends, is just…not fun. Oof.
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Most people watch The Real Housewives as a release, a way to turn off their brains for some silly, mindless entertainment. But this is some serious shit, right here. If you bring up The Real Housewives over brunch with a group of your girlfriends, the conversation might become animated with opinions about this lady’s new boyfriend, or that lady’s bitchy comment, or that other lady’s laughable attempt at a music single. Bring up the Giudice girls in repeated tear-drenched family huddles, and that table is going silent. Congrats, you just brought that storm cloud over your round of mimosas.

The Real Housewives of New York are doing what they do best this season: keeping it gossipy and sexy and drunk. There’s a ton of conflict to keep it exciting, without majorly depressing everyone tuning in. Even The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills crafted storylines around Yolanda’s health issues this season, but what it really boiled down to was shit-talking behind the other ladies’ backs and power struggles and a disgusting slab of breast implant on a table. The closest it got to feeling gross was the moment when Yolanda threw down her children’s medical records at lunch with Lisa Vanderpump and Kyle Richards. It quickly went from “Oh, shit!” to “Oh…shit.”
Season 7 of The Real Housewives of New Jersey premieres July 10th on Bravo, and nothing about it screams, “light summer programing.” There is a lot of screaming. But not in a “Turtle Time” way, it’s like more of a “Trouble Time” way. After all the contrived drama we’ve seen from this show, it’s the undeniably true events that are making The Real Housewives, well, too real. The authenticity is too much. So if we’re keeping it real, it’s The Fake Housewives that are actually enjoyable to watch.
[Watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey on Hulu]