‘Peaky Blinders’ Recap, Season 3, Episode 5: Cossack Sex Parties and Tom Hardy’s Return

We’ve now reached the penultimate episode of Peaky Blinders season 3, the British period family crime drama that has slowly built a large following thanks to its streaming on Netflix. If for whatever reasons you haven’t watched an episode before, imagine a better version of Boardwalk Empire set in England as directed by Guy Ritchie and scored by Nick Cave. It is heavily stylized but also features interesting storylines and great acting, especially Cillian Murphy as Thomas “Tommy” Shelby, the unflappably cool, brooding criminal mastermind of the Shelby Crime Family and Peaky Blinders gang.

When last we saw Tommy, his brains were spilling out of his skull courtesy of Father Hughes’ henchmen, who beat him senseless for trying to foil his plans to ignite a Soviet act of aggression on British soil. And, to be fair, because Tommy tried to kill him. As episode 5 opens to the sounds of David Bowie’s “Lazurus” – both a tribute to the deceased singer, and symbolic of Tommy’s near death and resurrection – we see that DAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMNNNNN, HE GOT F**KED UP! I mean, he even has one of those spinal braces that screw into your skull and his haircut is completely ruined. However, there’s nothing ample amounts of Opium and Methadone (which hospital is that?) won’t cure, and his convalescence is only interrupted by cousin Michael dropping by to say, “Oh yeah, I hate that priest too because he molested me as a kid and if you don’t mind, I’d love to kill him myself.”

Flash forward three months, and Tommy’s back home building his strength back with a daily diet of cigarettes for breakfast when who should come visiting but a man calling himself “The Wandering Jew.” Anyone already familiar with the show knows that means that Mad Max: Fury Road star and badass Brit heartthrob Tom Hardy is back as Jewish London gangster Alfie Solomons. With an over the top Cockney accent thicker than a stack of steak and kidney pies —here’s a handy reminder on how to turn your closed captions on— Hardy steals every scene he’s in, delivering killer dialogue like “Word in London is that you can be found wandering the streets of Birmingham stark naked, throwing away money. You talk to dead people. Also, that you believe you are powerful enough to summon up Jews of a very particular standing, up to the gentile wilderness wherein you live in order for them to do your f**king bidding.” You can tell Hardy is enjoying himself, especially the scenes with his Revenant castmate and friend Paul Anderson, who plays loose cannon older sibling Arthur Shelby, Jr. The Peaky plotline pits them as adversaries and Solomons enjoys winding Arthur every chance he gets, which is maybe why they’re re-union starts like this…..

Back to the story at hand, “You’re f**kin’ about with the Russians aren’t you, you silly boy,” Alfie says to Tommy, and indeed the Camden mob boss figures into the Peaky Blinders’ plans. To review; exiled Russian aristocrats have hired the Peaky Blinders to steal a trainload of tanks and guns and other things that go boom in order to mount an insurrection against the U.S.S.R. in Georgia (the country, not the southern U.S. state, but yo, how crazy would that be???). They are cash poor, but rich in jewels they smuggled out of Russia in their lady parts. Yes, seriously. However, Tommy rightfully figures they aim to stiff them on the bill, which they totally are, so the Peaky Blinders plan to rob them blind by breaking into their vault. BUT before they can get paid in jewels – even though the Russians aren’t planning on paying them – they must go pick out which jewels they won’t get paid with and enlist Solomons as their jewelry appraiser, which is kind of odd and stereotypey considering his character is a baker, but whatevs.

In order to gain entry to vaults, the Shelby brothers must first brave a gauntlet of fearsome looking Cossacks ( “Whenever we open the treasury, the Cossacks are involved.” says Tatiana) to enter the royal grounds where the Russians are living. Once inside, the boys must show the Shelby family jewels before they can see the actual Romanov family jewels. Tommy explains the Grand Duchess and her niece must examine Arthur and Johnny’s naked bodies to check for Russian gang tattoos (you saw Eastern Promises, right? Nah, just rent it, good movie and too much to explain here). Tatiana of course takes the opportunity to mess with Tommy’s head by examining brother Arthur a little too closely.

After the niceties, the Russians celebrate the Shelby’s clean bill of health just as you’d expect; with lots of vodka and cocaine and wild Cossack group sex. While his brothers get their freak on, Tommy heads to the bank vault to rendezvous with Alfie and inspect the goods and get under the skin of Duke Leon. “I’m guessing that all the bad ideas around here are you.,” Alfie says to the Grand Duke while looking at some fugazi diamonds. Afterwards Tommy heads back to the party to hook up with Tatiana again for some nutty auto-erotic ghost sex where he imagines he’s having sex with Grace.

Somehow the Shelbys survive the night and emerge no worse for wear besides apparently being unable to put on their overcoats. The season 3 finale lays ahead. Will the Peaky Blinders be be able to trick the Russians at their own game? Will they outmaneuver Father Hughes and finally put a well-deserved bullet in his head? Will there be more scenes of Tommy lighting a cigarette and pouring himself a whiskey? Will there be another crazy plot twist I’ll need to explain in order for it to make sense? We shall see…

[Watch Peaky Blinders on Netflix]

Benjamin H. Smith is a New York based writer, producer and musician who thinks The Damned were better than The Clash, and that Barry’s Irish Breakfast Tea is better than PG Tips. Follow him on Twitter:@BHSmithNYC.