‘The Royals’ Is The Perfect Summer Binge

The Royals, E! Network’s first scripted series from One Tree Hill creator Mark Schwahn, is your perfect summer binge. There’s no better time to get caught up on the recently renewed show than today, Elizabeth Hurley‘s (Queen Helena) 51st birthday.

The show follows the English royal family in their many scandalous moments. King Simon and Queen Helena head the household that includes their two living children, Prince Liam and Princess Eleanor. Prince Liam, the next in line for the throne, has a major interest in Ms. Ophelia Pryce, a commoner (like a fictional Kate Middleton!) whose father is the head of security for the royal family. Princess Eleanor has a greater interest in clubbing, drugs, and her v attractive body guard Jasper than she does in being a royal. There’s also Cyrus, the King’s brother, who is power hungry and more lacking in morals than Frank Underwood.

In the pilot episode we find that Robert, the first born of the King and Queen and the original heir to the throne, was killed supposedly while serving in the military. Spoiler alert: it turns out to be much more complicated than that and even involves a secret society. Yes, really! This makes Prince Liam the next heir and makes Princess Eleanor run off and dance panty-less on top of a bar in Paris. It also makes King Simon want to get a referendum from Parliament to abolish the monarchy. But dammit, Queen Helena likes the monarchy and all the clothes and shoes it affords her!

And then there’s Cyrus who harasses maids in the castle for sexual favors saying such things as “enthusiasm counts” as a girl drops to her knees in front of him. Also, Ophelia’s budding relationship with Prince Liam is not liked by anyone; she’s much too plain and common for Queen Helena’s taste and puts herself in too much danger by dating Liam in her father’s opinion.

All of this happens in just the pilot episode and leads the birthday girl herself, Queen Helena, to say, “Let me recap my week for you. My daughter’s vagina was on the cover on no less than four tabloids. My first-born child was killed. My husband announced he wants to abolish the only life I’ve ever known. And his footman nearly saw my snatch.”

That’s just the beginning of the sassy and oftentimes vulgar quips to grace Queen Helena’s lips. If that’s not drama, I don’t know what is. If you’re looking for a culturally accurate show let me assure you that this is not the show for you. Frankly, this show has much more in common with Gossip Girl than it does with the actual British monarchy. And that makes for truly entertaining television.

The high-school like drama, surprisingly grounded family issues, and all the insecurities that come from being a young adult make the show oddly relatable. This is true despite all the short dresses and amazing hats, parties and drugs, and what appears to be more sex than Game of Thrones.

With no information regarding a release date for season three and twenty episodes readily available for your viewing pleasure, you have no excuse not to get hooked on this raunchy awesomeness right away.