Jeff Goldblum Is A Sci-Fi Sex Monster — And We Love Him For It

Independence Day: Resurgence hit theatres this past weekend and gave the women of America a hero they could swoon over. No, I’m not talking about affable Aussie Liam Hemsworth nor I am referring to the dreamy Jessie Usher. I am of course gushing over Jeff Goldblum.

Ah, yes, Goldblum. Did you forget he was a major sex symbol? He was and he is and he always shall be. That tall, dark, 63-year-old piece of man candy has been nervously monologuing through all our most devious fantasies for decades. He steamed up the original Independence Day with his arms and his abs and his other body parts. You remember those arms and abs and body parts, right? Goldblum’s character, the sexily named David Levinson, is depicted as a “loser” for most of the film. He’s a nerd, he lives with his dad, he misses his successful ex-wife…but then he takes off his shirt and we know we are in the presence of a sex monster.

Yes, Jeff Goldblum isn’t just a sex symbol; he is what I term a “sex monster.” He is a strange, hulking creature that society doesn’t understand, but whom society feels the urge to bone. More than that, Goldblum is our nation’s sci-fi sex monster. He has a long history of bringing sex and scares and important plot exposition to classic genre flicks. He beckoned us to unleash our most animalistic desires in The Fly. He led the most sensuous invasion possible in Earth Girls Are Easy — and led the way for blue alien fur monster acceptance. And yes, he brought the sex and the leather and the chaos to Jurassic Park. In fact, in that last picture, Goldblum made deeply inhaling deeply erotic. It was a huge moment for breathing.

Even Jeff Goldblum’s name is sexy. You could say it is a gift to women: Gold-blum. The first syllable evokes jewels and rings and coins that go plink-plink, and the second reminds us of flowers. It adds to his allure, no?

All joking aside, Jeff Goldblum does have a potent sexual energy onscreen. Perhaps it comes from the fact that he does seem to operate on his own peculiar frequency. It makes him stand out. He’s unpredictable and erratic — and that’s sexy. And it’s not just me who thinks this. Ask any woman about Jeff Goldblum and she’ll usually admit harboring a crush. He is a towering figure surging with intensity and we want to let it consume us.

Goldblum’s quirky sex appeal comes from the fact that he usually merges the nebbish with the Byronic. He’s going to appeal to our intellect with chess games and our bodies with ripped open shirts. He’s not the hero saving the day, but he’s the guy with the really salient points about our foes’ weaknesses that help the hero save the day. He is, in short, someone you want by your side (and if you are lucky, in your bed).

Give yourself up to Goldblum. Embrace the Jeff Goldblum crush lurking in your heart tonight.

[Watch Jurassic Park on Netflix]
[Watch Independence Day on HBO NOW]
[Where to Stream The Fly]