‘Difficult People’ 203 Recap: Italian Piñata

“Italian Piñata” is such a beautiful episode of Difficult People on Hulu. It is also the third episode in a well-deserved Season 2. Julie Klausner’s hair is amazing throughout. Billy Eichner’s fake Jersey accent spoke to my childhood and my loins.

Before I wrote this recap, I went into a confessional booth with my head covered in lace and atoned for several sins. JK the Catholic Church is the world’s oldest and largest corrupt corporation. It’s like the Nike of spirituality and it’s possibly even worse for kids. Why the hell would I go into a church except to take entertaining photos for Instagram? You know me better than that, person who reads recaps on a website owned by the New York Post.

Here’s how I REALLY did research for this episode: I entered a cave deep in the recesses of Griffith Park, where James Urbaniak (Arthur, Julie’s boyfriend on the show) lives. I had to pay a goat 5 tuppence and fuck a troll who turned into Cate Blanchett and flew away on gossamer wings and then I had to murder a very young gelfling but it was worth it because gelflings are atrocious. I found James completely covered in Slimer goo from Ghostbusters (TOPICAL! SEO!) and I said, “James, please give me a word to describe this episode.” He said, “Jersey Pride” which is two words. I opened my mouth to say, “Point of order, James…” but he sprouted Blanchett wings and flew away without fucking anyone or murdering a gelfling. Everything is a lie and also I just texted him to ask and he did say “Jersey Pride.”

We open on Julie Kessler and Billy Epstein walking through the Village, discussing National Coming Out Day right by Stonewall. A disappointed Julie admits she didn’t get into a women’s comedy festival: “I’m not a girls’ girl? Fuck those cunts!” Billy is jealous of all the newly out gays who get booty from more seasoned gays who are turned on by their gentle, fawning bright eyes. And while it’s common queer knowledge to never, ever, ever be a newly out homosexual’s first partner unless it’s just sexual because quite frankly their drama will be next-level insane (this isn’t a plot point; I’m just sharing wisdom like the great power dyke role model Aughra from The Dark Crystal), Billy doesn’t go into this detail because he just wants to fuck hot dudes and finally feel at home in a gay club.

At Billy’s restaurant gig, his trans 9/11 truther coworker Lola (Shakina Nayfack) insults him as per usual and memorably addresses him as “you entitled fucko.” Matthew (Cole Escola) reveals he was married until a year ago until he left his wife Trish and came to New York City as an out gay man. Cole delivers a wonderful short monologue that is fucking perfect in every way as per usual. Just Google this man, okay? Watch all his videos. I don’t have time to explain more. This is a fucking recap, and if I were a critic I’d be getting paid more in some print publication that only rich people and their rich dentists buy.

Billy is going to the opening of a jorts emporium in Hoboken and invites Julie to come along. It’s Kevin Smith’s place – I love love love Kevin Smith from Clerks to Twitter to “Fatman on Batman” and beyond; Julie Kessler hates him; but you know what? Differences are the spice of whatever, unless you’re voting for Trump, in which case fuck off forever and don’t vote, you stupid monster of a willfully ignorant pig-human. Don’t bother tweeting at me about this; your friends threaten to rape me every day and I’m flattered but I imagine they’d enjoy themselves too much.

Anyone, Julie’s got to hit up the hair salon with her mother, Marilyn (Andrea Martin). She complains that girls her age don’t like her, and Marilyn cautions her not to look desperate – Marilyn’s got a patient with a daughter in a damn cult because she wanted friends so badly. Julie ends up with giant curly hair and Marilyn ends up with a short cut that she hates but will make work because she’s convinced she never actually looks terrible. Which is actually true of Andrea Martin the actress, fun fact. She’s a goddamn vision.

Julie’s boyfriend Arthur tells her he’s the new joy boy at PBS, which means his job is to do all the birthday parties. He’s thrilled because this is his route for getting to sit with the cool guys at work at lunch. They all work on the Jeremy Piven series Mr. Selfridge and call themselves “The Selfries.” Arthur can’t wait to make friends with them.

Julie and Billy go to Hoboken but they’re too early. They end up in an Italian restaurant where Julie cracks some jokes and a bunch of Italian chicks with giant hair laugh uproariously because they think she’s amazing (I understand that my people are being parodied here but quite frankly I empathize with them completely, which is why I’m writing a recap anyway. I don’t do this for you; I do this for me.)

Billy and Julie go to a gay bar with Joey (Mark Consuelos), the extremely hot brother of one of the Italian gals. Let’s take a moment to celebrate Mark Consuelos and Kelly Ripa as a couple, shall we? Kelly Ripa showed up in one of my other favorite programs, Broad City, as a drug-addled group sex loving version of herself (which I believe is just actually her). And her husband is here now as a stupid Jersey gay guy. I’m so happy. Do they need a third? I only do guest star in threesomes, so I’m available (for them, not you, Trump voters). Someone tell them, thank you.

Billy lies and tells everybody at the gay bar he’s newly out on Coming Out Day and that Julie is his wife. She explains that she’s fine with it, and everyone in Jersey is impressed by how kind and wonderful they are. Joey asks Billy out and decides to take him under his wing and teach him about gay culture. His pearls of wisdom include the “fact” that Stonewall happened right after Princess Di perished. Billy keeps trying to get Joey to take him home and fuck him, but Joey is really focused on educating Billy about the history of their people.

There’s an homage to Goodfellas involving Julie at a purse party. It is goddamn beautiful.

There’s a Short Hills Mall reference, and while it’s a little off because they don’t use the formal name, the Mall at Short Hills, I’ll accept it. That was the first mall I ever visited that had valet parking and a Versace outlet, so I realize I’m too emotionally involved here to have a good outside perspective.

Lots of other stuff happens, including a great Rachel Dolezal joke when Julie comes out as identifying as Italian. Marilyn flips her shit and Arthur is chill about it until Marilyn points out that they might lose Julie to Catholicism.

Marilyn and Arthur rush to Hoboken and find Julie with her gal pals and Billy with his stupid boyfriend, who explains that there’s a Larry Kramer play called The Normal Brain. All seems lost until Frank Sinatra’s “New York, New York” begins playing. Everyone in the joint raves about how it’s the best Sinatra tune ever, and then Billy and Julie make a terrible simultaneous split-screen mistake by saying, in unison, that they’ve always thought of it as more of a Liza Minnelli song.

It’s a record scratch moment, and it’s magical. They’ve outed themselves as fakers, and the Jersey girls lose their shit. And here let’s take a moment out to salute the fantastic Jersey girl crew: Chelsey Donn, Jamie Denbo and Jessica Chaffin (Ronna and Beverly themselves, could you die?) I almost tossed my couch out the window, I was so excited, and keep in mind that I live on the first floor of a bungalow in Silverlake and also I don’t have a couch, which is why I go elsewhere to guest star in threesomes. I feel like a threesome starts on a couch, don’t you? Maybe I’m projecting my own experience and privilege onto you, NOT UNLIKE A TRUMP VOTER DOES ABOUT EVERYTHING IN LIFE.

Anyway, Arthur and Marilyn rescue Billy and Julie. And holy shit, do I love this main cast.

For me the most poignant line of this episode is when Julie says, “Everything that made me unacceptable as a New York Jew makes me celebrated as a New Jersey Italian.” And then my mind exploded and re-formed because I realized that I am the exact inverse of this character in this particular way, which explains why I lived in New York City for so long and so happily. It also explains much of my sexual history, but that’s for another recap. I will leave you with this stunning image of Julie Kessler/Julie Klausner/a young Bernadette Peters circa Studio 54.

[Watch the “Italian Pinata” episode of Difficult People on Hulu]

Sara Benincasa (@SaraJBenincasa) is a comedian and writer. Her books are available at Amazon and your favorite indie bookshop and other book-type places.