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America’s favorite British-accented voice of comedic rage, John Oliver, went off on one of the biggest losers of the Rio Olympics last night. That’s right: John Oliver came for disgraced swimming star Ryan Lochte and it was glorious.
Oliver is getting raves for his blistering take on Charter Schools last night — and you should totally check the amazing piece out here — but he kicked off the latest episode of Last Week Tonight by pummeling Ryan Lochte, whom he called “a swimmer who looks like he’s about to play the John Slattery role in a porn parody of Mad Men.”
After explaining the details surrounding the Lochte controversy, Oliver pointed out that there’s no way that the Olympian could have penned his thoughtful and contrite statement issued over social media this week. “There’s no way he wrote that! I’m pretty sure that Ryan Lochte thinks that Game of Thrones took place in the late 1800s and still doesn’t understand how mirrors work.”
Oliver wasn’t just incensed that Lochte behaved like a drunken dingleberry in Rio and then lied about his douchebaggery. No, John Oliver was offended because in revealing the depths of his asshattery, Ryan Lochte ruined Ryan Lochte for us. Until this past week, Lochte was “America’s Idiot Sea Cow.” As we posted a few weeks ago, he was our beloved national “sex idiot.” He was a brilliant swimmer and a seemingly sweet dumb-dumb. Now his reputation is ruined and we can never delight in saying, “Jeah!” every again.
[Stream Last Week Tonight With John Oliver on HBO Go or HBO Now]
