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If deciding between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump this November, or even among Gary Johnson and Jill Stein, too, for that matter, has you down, then have you considered voting for Jeff Foxworthy for president of the United States in 2016?
“Well, I haven’t decided if I’m running for president or not yet,” Foxworthy jokes in his half of a new Netflix special with Larry the Cable Guy. “I started to say I’m not qualified, but this time around, it doesn’t really matter, does it?”
After all, their other “Blue Collar Comedy” tour mate, Ron White, did announce he’d run for president this year, despite not updating his Ron White For President site since 2015. And Roseanne Barr received more than 67,000 votes in 2012 as the Peace and Freedom Party candidate, placing sixth behind President Obama, Mitt Romney and others. But why so serious, me?
Foxworthy has been thinking, and in Jeff Foxworthy & Larry the Cable Guy: We’ve Been Thinking…, , —now available to stream on Netflix— he outlines his “common sense” platform, which includes no more picking up of dog poop, and bans on sugar-free cookies, reality TV series and breast-reduction surgeries, no more TV ads for lawyers persuading you to join lawsuits, no more email forwarding for anyone 65 or older, no more parents at Little League baseball games, and no more trophies for everyone. Life has clear winners and losers, and Foxworthy wants children of all ages to learn that lesson. “And if you don’t believe me, let’s get in my car and go to Walmart after midnight.”
Jeff and Larry, of course, clearly have won in show business terms. They’ve sold millions of dollars in tickets and merchandise, produced and starred in multiple TV specials, and both currently appear in nationwide ad campaigns. Still, the opening montage for their Netflix special together allows them to both crack wise about how small their dressing rooms are, while also posing for meet-and-greet photos with fans backstage.
They’re stars, yet they’re still just like us!
It’s long been the appeal of their “Blue Collar Comedy.”
So, too, the topics for their jokes mine familiar, if also low-hanging, territory.
Whereas every improv comedy group shudders when they ask an audience for a suggestion only to hear “proctologist” shouted back at them immediately, Foxworthy gladly starts out his set with an extended run of jokes at the expense of a man who volunteers for dozens of prostate exams by medical students over four decades. Or rather. “I don’t feel bad for him. He signed up for it. I feel bad for his mother,” Foxworthy jokes, imagining her bringing it up in small-talk conversations with her friends.
Though he no longer quizzes audiences on their redneck potential, Foxworthy has replaced and updated that repetitive line of reasoning with what he calls “the facts of life, it’s stuff you can’t Google.” Some are as basic and banal as your kids will walk in on you when you and your spouse want to have sex, or that two people alone cannot play “who farted,” or that black women make a horror movie more entertaining, or that flying makes you gassy. Did I mention he makes fart jokes? “Nobody ever talks about this!” Thankfully, Foxworthy is brave enough to broach the subject, right?
He closes his half of the show with a bit about listening to his buddy’s embarrassing butt dials, followed by his own embarrassment at passing a kidney stone. Foxworthy describes the pain as so intense he says “the F-word” hundreds of times, but since Foxworthy is the kind of guy who hosts a Bible challenge game show on TV, of course he only says it as “the F-word” onstage.
If Foxworthy is your typical 57-year-old with dad jokes, then Larry the Cable Guy is your drunk uncle – only he doesn’t need to be drunk to spill his truths, half-truths and jokes for exaggerated effect.
Larry has been such a popular character (Larry’s not his real name, after all) for so long that he’s at ease making fun of himself and his success right off the bat. “This is a double anniversary. This is my twenty-seventh year in the comedy business, and – thank you, remain seated – and it’s my fifth year being funny. So I’m excited about both of them. They’re both really cool.”
Moments later, he adds: “I guess I gotta do this before I go any further, I suppose. Git-Rrrrrr-Donnnnnnne! Git-R-Done!”
Though it’s emblazoned across the front of his customized ballcap with an American flag on the side and camo in the back, just so you know you’re a true patriot for supporting his comedy, Larry also jokingly recalled the first item of merchandise that carried his “Git-R-Done” catchphrase, a set of condoms. Where most comedians try to put their past catchphrases behind them (Foxworthy included), Larry leans into it, joking here about how well his phrase translates into Asian and African tongues.
But Larry also has made his name and his money on the quantity of quips he supplies in a half-hour to an hour. From his grandmother on medical marijuana, to topical jokes on Zika to devolve quickly into queries about having sex with skeeters, to his annoyance with Las Vegas extravagances such as self-flushing toilets, to even a joke at Bill Cosby’s expense. Larry spits out jokes and metaphors so frequently, that even if you don’t like one, there’s another one around the bend of his next sentence. If you get offended at a rhetorical question such as, “if a midget takes a selfie, would that be an elfie?” then perhaps you might find it easier to laugh when he describes himself as “madder than Ronnie Milsap in a corn maze.”
He still could trade metaphors in a battle with Dan Rather, and if you’re old enough to remember who that is, then you might be a Larry the Cable Guy fan.
While Foxworthy also doesn’t mention his TV endorsements, Larry the Cable Guy singles both of theirs out for mockery – blaming Golden Corral for his weight gain and mentioning how that might not reflect well on his past TV testimonials for Nutrisystem. “I think they’re probably pretty pissed off at me about right now. I’m bad for business! I’m the only guy ever gone from Nutrisystem commercials to heartburn medication. I’m five pounds away from a sleep apnea contract up here!”
Larry remains nothing if not likable. And a likable comedian is always easier to laugh at and along with for an hour.
You don’t have to be smarter than a fifth-grader to know that.
[Watch Jeff Foxworthy & Larry the Cable Guy: We’ve Been Thinking… on Netflix]
Sean L. McCarthy works the comedy beat for his own digital newspaper, The Comic’s Comic; before that, for actual newspapers. Based in NYC but will travel anywhere for the scoop: Ice cream or news. He also tweets @thecomicscomic and podcasts half-hour episodes with comedians revealing origin stories: The Comic’s Comic Presents Last Things First.
