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From documentary-covered sex scandals to possibly non-approved onscreen nudity, there has been a lot of wiener talk lately. All of this talk got me thinking: What are the best wieners we’ve seen in our favorite shows and movies?
Some of these wieners are fictional, others exist in the real world. There are even some celebrity wieners thrown into the mix! But overall, our fascination with a certain part of the male anatomy and the word “wiener” have heavily influenced some of our favorite moments in pop culture. Today, I’m going to celebrate those moments. Below (heh, heh) are some of my favorite wiener moments that are currently available on streaming. Cheers, friends.
Jason Biggs’ dessert covered junk in ‘American Pie’
This is the wiener we’ve been talking about since 1999, and we’re probably going to keep talking about it. Jason Biggs’ quest to see if having “alone time” with a pie was the same as having actual sex led to the most awkward father son conversation in cinematic history. No matter what else he’s been in, we still see pie when we see Biggs. That’s still better than seeing Larry from OITNB.
‘Wiener-Dog’
Directed and written by Todd Solondz, this oddball comedy-drama follows an adorable dachshund puppy who keeps getting shuffled from one owner to the next. From a veterinary nurse (Greta Gerwig) to a screenwriter (Danny DeVito) and a bitter woman (Ellen Burstyn), this cute pooch has the ability to unite people from all walks of life.
Jonah Hill’s costume in ‘Accepted’
There are a lot of great lines from this 2006 college comedy, but one of the best is all about wieners. Who can forget Jonah Hill’s incredibly demeaning fraternity hazing line, “Ask me about my wiener?” We will not ask, but we will remember.
‘The Night Of’s’ autopsy peen
One of the most shocking penises of 2016 TV happened during HBO’s crime drama. District attorney Helen Weiss (Jeannie Berlin) visits a medical examiner as he’s performing an autopsy on a middle-aged black man. She had so many places she could have laid the photo, but she chooses right between a dead man’s legs. That moment perfectly captured the themes of impotency and masculinity circling around this drama. Plus it was unexpected enough to be weirdly funny.
‘Silicon Valley’s season-long penis joke
Remember how most of Season One of Silicon Valley culminated in one giant penis joke? Because we sure do. It was Bachman, Jared, Dinesh, and Gilfoyle’s postulating about how to jerk off as many guys as possible that led Richard to his breakthrough compression algorithm. So in a way, the only reason we’re still watching Silicon Valley is because of wieners.
Jason Schwartzman’s fake wiener in ‘The Overnight’
There are a lot of shocking moments in this indie comedy, but Schwartzman’s insanely big penis — and Adam Scott’s not-so-large one — was by far one of the most surprising ones. In case you were wondering, yes, that was a prosthetic. Sorry to ruin the Hollywood magic.
Maybe 50 Cent’s penis in ‘Power’...?
If you watch Power, you may have possibly seen 50 Cent’s penis. 50 Cent claims the show showed his real penis without his permission. It’s unclear if this was a PR move or not, but regardless, this was a big peen moment for 2016.
Ken Jeong’s junk in ‘The Hangover’
Do you remember the comedy magic that surrounded your first viewing of The Hangover? That genuine moment of shock you felt when you saw Ken Jeong jump out of that car? That’s a wiener that’s almost guaranteed to go down in comedy history.
Ben Affleck’s side peen in ‘Gone Girl’
Back in 2014, we all saw Ben Affleck’s side peen in one of the best films of the year. There’s a lot to love when it comes to David Fincher’s epic mystery about one of the most insane and diabolical “cool girls” brought to screen, but that Ben Affleck scene was the much-discussed icing on the great cinema cake.
‘Weiner’
Of course we can’t talk about the biggest streaming wieners without mentioning the most talked about wiener of 2016 summer — Anthony Weiner. This documentary follows the scandal surrounding former Representative Anthony Weiner’s election for mayor of New York. So what prevented him from becoming mayor and making a political comeback? A seemingly never-ending sexting scandal. This must-see train wreck chronicles what happens when a surplus of bad decisions meets the thirsty media.
