Well, This Is A First: The Sex Scenes in ‘StartUp’ Are The Worst Part Of The Show

A show’s intimate moments tell you a lot about the story they want to tell. Which is why we need to talk about the sex scenes depicted in Crackle’s new series, StartUp. Because what the hell is going on there?
StartUp is a show about three unlikely business partners and the super dirty FBI agent who is on to them and their digital currency startup that they’re trying to get off the ground, which, of course, does not go according to plan. There’s a ton of suspense and action and really great moments in the show. But you might not be thinking that it necessarily sounds like an inherently sexy premise for a show, even after learning it takes place in Miami, and, well, you could be right. Because it’s possible the writers and producers were thinking the same thing and just decided to randomly throw in a bunch of sex scenes, just to raunch it up. Sure feels that way.
StartUp is a show that doesn’t necessarily need a bunch of sex scenes, but ones just arbitrarily thrown into an episode to make it seem hotter? Well, it for sure doesn’t need those. But that’s what it gets. The first episode of StartUp features 4 separate couples, 8 people, all getting laid within the hour-long episode. Three of the scenes take place within the first 12 minutes!

These scenes are pretty graphic and realistic and they aren’t quick flashes. Phil (Martin Freeman) and his ex-wife Cheryl (Stephanie Drapeau) share a shower for over two minutes, writhing naked against the steamy glass wall. In another show, this would be super interesting storytelling about the relationships of its characters. But here, it’s rather redundant and doesn’t quite add up to much. StartUp tries way too hard to be provocative right out of the gate, when the actual story they want to tell is so much more compelling.

Sex can be used as a look inside the characters’ personal lives, and this show does a pretty good job of that already, without the sex. We meet Andy Talman (Carl Weintraub) at a hotel where he quickly finds himself underneath a pretty brunette, while Phil creepily watches for a moment. The exchange that Andy and Phil have after the brunette leaves the room, immediately sets up their relationship and gives us an insight into who they both are, with none of the previous bouncing necessary.
Next up, we meet Izzy (played by breakout Otmara Marrero) while her boyfriend/hookup dude enjoys a morning romp with her. She is clearly distracted and not getting much out of it. And neither are we. We come to learn that she’s been using him for his electricity to get her tech idea going, and it’s safe to say he’s using her too as he refers to her as a “lay” and is unwilling to collect a package for her. Izzy soon moves into her parents’ place, and we very clearly have an idea of what kind of woman this is, and how much she does or doesn’t have her life together. In no way did we need to see a man moving back and forth on top of her to figure this out.

Just moments later we get to Phil’s never-ending steamy shower scene with his ex-wife, Cheryl. From this personal encounter we learn that Phil likes to do it from behind, and that he’s hoping the shower steam will cloud his ex’s judgment, as he asks her to get the lawyer attention off of him during their divorce proceedings… so he can continue on with the shady business he’s currently conducting.
Oh, don’t worry, there’s still plenty of time for more banging. The next honor goes to Nick (Adam Brody) and his girlfriend Taylor (Ashley Grace), who share their sweetest moments as Nick explains the new startup he wants to invest in, over glasses of wine. In fact, too many glasses of wine. Because instead of things truly getting hot and heavy, they are more mild and limp, literally, for Nick. Don’t worry, he still makes it up to Taylor. While their scene is the most romantic, as they are the only couple who are currently together, it still feels quite unnecessary. Get to the good stuff – you’re wasting time in between the sheets!
StartUp’s biggest turn on is the intrigue it provides and the modern story it wants to tell, no explicit sex really necessary. The show has a handful of complex and unique characters (played by fantastic actors) whose interactions are naturally interesting. The way their business relationships and friendships grow and break apart will keep viewers hooked, without ever having to enter into a bedroom. And let’s be clear: we all love a good sex scene! But to throw so many unclothed actors at viewers in such a short span of time feels like really cheap thrills. Give us something meaningful, StartUp. We’re both worth more than that.
[Watch StartUp on Crackle]