“Nipples And Palm Trees”: Dive Into The Weirdest Soft Core Movies On Amazon Prime

I like to think of myself as a connoisseur of the streaming arts. I try to stay as up to date as possible when it comes to new titles joining the major streaming services, which means I spend a lot of time perusing Netflix and Amazon for new movies and unheralded gems. It’s a much like embarking on a hike to see the leaves change, but only if you replace beautiful fall foliage with Pauly Shore’s In the Army Now.

As a streaming vet, it’s rare that I stumble upon a title that makes me stop, drop, and roll over to my coworkers desk with laughter. Some days are diamonds. Some days are rocks. And some days you discover something truly special:

Nipples and Palm Trees. Bravo, universe. Bravo.

My initial thought was “Has every potential combination of words already been used to create a movie title?” No. No, they have not. Diamond Periwinkle and the Sandbox Squad yielded zero results on IMDB, so there are definitely alternate titles left in the world.

Despite the “Tim Burton took too much NyQuil” of a title, Nipples and Palm Trees currently has a 2.6 out of 5.0 stars rating on Amazon. To put this in perspective, Gigli, the critically-derided 2003 Ben Affleck/Jennifer Lopez film, has 2.4 stars, the aforementioned In the Army Now boasts an inexplicable 4.6 stars, and oh sweet lord we are officially living in the Upside Down world from Stranger Things.

Fearing for my sanity, I decided to dive into the comments section, which is the horror movie equivalent of saying “I’ll be right back.” These are 100% real, unaltered Amazon comments of Nipples and Palm Trees.

That third review is straight up AMAZING. Hey, I get it. Nipples and Palm Trees just isn’t everyone’s particular cup of tea.

Another reviewer was so enamored with the film that they provided fourteen alternate titles for Nipples and Palm Trees including What Did You Expect?, Confederacy of the Lost and Lonely, Hook Up, and my personal favorite: Coconuts and Palm Tree.

In case you’re wondering if this film is an Amazon outlier, it is not. Upon visiting the always intriguing “Customers Who Watched This Item Also Watched” section I was treated to titles like Cum To Live (“A man and a woman are stuck in a house in the French Alps in a snowstorm. They want to have sex but have no condom. Do they practice unsafe sex? To cap it all, they’ve both had a troubled past, have guns and know how to use them!”), Elenore Makes Love, and…

This was a trip down an internet rabbit hole from which I will never fully recover. You can watch the weirdly long and definitely NSFW trailer for Nipples and Palm Trees here.