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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert went live after Wednesday night’s final presidential debate so that they could be all over the latest in barbs tossed, moderators shouted down, and sniffs sniffed. Colbert was up to the task. He even brought Hugh Laurie along to play one of those dead voters that Donald Trump seems to be so worried about.
But Colbert saved his most direct commentary for Trump himself (no surprise there). Were there jokes about Trump’s tiny hands? Of course. Was there some sock-puppet theater? I mean, it was a monologue about a presidential debate — of course there was sock-puppet theater. Colbert even hauled out his two Emmy Awards in order to brag to Donald, who made it clear in the debate that he’s still sore that he doesn’t have one.
Colbert’s most direct rebuke to Trump came on the subject of Trump’s most controversial and divisive statement: that he wouldn’t necessarily accept the results of the election; that he would keep the nation “in suspense” as to whether he’ll respect the concept of a peaceful transfer of power. Colbert minced no words in his reaction. He played a clip of Hillary Clinton’s reaction — “That’s horrifying” — and then seemed to get legitimately angry.
“Ooooh, suspense! I guess Democracy’s gonna end with a cliffhanger! I guess we’re all going to have to wait until November 9th to find out if we still have a country. If Donald Trump is in the mood for a peaceful transfer of power. Or if he’s just going to wipe his fat ass with the Constitution.”
Surely, Trump will be tempted to respond to this by assuring the American people that he wipes his ass with toilet paper — Trump-brand toilet paper, it’s tremendous toilet paper, the best toilet paper, you’re not gonna believe how great toilet paper will be when he’s President — and not the Constitution. But nothing yet.
