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During my most-recent Netflix scavenger hunt, I stumbled upon a new Nicolas Cage film titled The Trust. Co-starring Elijah Wood and Nicolas Cage’s mustache, I was cautiously intrigued by the film’s potential. Nicolas Cage and Elijah Wood joining forces? I double checked the calendar and just as I had suspected… it wasn’t Christmas Day. Then I read the film’s synopsis:
“Discovering the location of a vault where a drug ring keeps its riches, two run-of-the-mill Las Vegas cops hatch a dicey plan to burgle it.”
Las Vegas? Secret vaults? Ordinary cops thrust into heroics? The use of the words dicey AND burgle? If I had an assistant, I would have dramatically told him or her to hold all my calls! Join me as I take a deep dive into the cinematic abyss known as Nicolas Cage’s The Trust.
0:55: IMDB says this film was produced in 2016, but this sweet, sweet “previously on Charles in Charge” font evokes the carefree, halcyon days of the 1980s. I like a movie that keeps me on my toes by introducing the possibility that Alf could appear at any given moment.
1:30: The movie begins with Elijah Wood having some spectacularly desultory sex. I really hope this is a character trait. Elijah’s character is just like, “Sex is so yesterday. Boning is only for dorks now, ya bozos!”
2:00: Wait, comedy legend JERRY LEWIS is in this film? Nicolas Cage is basically the Chuck Norris facts of cinema. Expect the unexpected. Believe everything. Believe nothing. Hope. Despair. Life. Nicolas Cage.
9:00: So here’s where we’re at: Elijah Wood is a disreputable cop who appears to be going through a breakup. Nicolas Cage is a frustrated cop because no matter how hard he tries, HE JUST CAN’T CHANGE THE SYSTEM, DAMMIT! Cage comes across paperwork that notes that a drug dealer’s bail receipt was paid in $200,000 cash. Cage, a grown man, asks his father, comedy legend Jerry Lewis, naturally, what he should do. Jerry Lewis says, “A good cop would know exactly what to do.”
This confuses Cage and delights me. Flummoxed, Cage meets Elijah Wood at a bar where the following happens: Cage is refused a coffee refill for no apparent reason; Cage puts Tabasco sauce on a lemon wedge and eats it for no apparent reason; Wood notes that a man across the bar might be getting a handy; Cage tells Wood about the money (plot!); the two cops play paper football.
9:00: Just kidding about the paper football part, but honestly, they may as well have.
13:00: “I’ll do it. I’ll find this guy. But only because when it comes to you and me, I truly mean this sincerely, I truly have nothing better to do, and I despise my job.” — My new hero Elijah Wood to Nicolas Cage
Also, I love how the whole plot of the movie is set into motion due to boredom. Way to raise those stakes!
17:05: Elijah Wood attempts to quit the case, which leads to Cage saying, “Elijah (weird, deep voice) Elijahhhh. Stay positive, dude.” I’m substituting character names for actor names for both clarity and hilarity.
18:30: Despite the fact that this case is off the books, Nicolas Cage goes undercover at a hotel. He receives the time off from his department due to [shrug emoji].
26:15: Exposition theater!
Elijah: Someone built a safe in the back of a grocery store, right?
Cage: Yep.
Elijah: And we found it?
Cage: Precisely
Wood: And we assume it’s filled with money or drugs or whatever. It’s filled with stuff?
Cage: Mmhmm. Yeah.
Wood: Well, how do we get it out?
That’s the actual dialogue. I didn’t make that up.
27:30: Cage engages in some detective work by calling the German manufacturer of the vault to gather intel. Even though he’s a cop and the German manufacturing company doesn’t know he’s planning a heist, Cage, as only Cage can, uses a fake German accent that is… unconvincing.
He really was being sneaky.
28:05: I’m not exactly the Italian Job over here, but this is probably not the most inconspicuous way to plan a heist.
30:00: “You’re a positive thinker. And I respect you. And I f*cking dig you.” — Cage to Wood, moments after putting sunscreen on his nose for no apparent reason whatsoever.
36:55: I’m beginning to suspect that Cage’s character is less idiosyncratic and more deranged sociopath. The tone of the film is irrevocably altered as Cage shoots a man who is just trying to make an honest living selling illegal firearms.
45:00 Almost an hour into this film and nobody’s used the term “loose canon” yet. Sad.
48:00: Heist time! Nicolas Cage and Elijah Wood break into the building, take two hostages, Wood goes outside for like two minutes to get their supplies and when he returns, Cage has shot and killed one of the hostages (offscreen, under suspicious circumstances).
To make matters worse, moments before they begin drilling into the vault, Cage quips “Okay, you know the drill” and laughs the maniacal laugh of someone you immediately regret sitting next to on the bus. Wood’s character (and probably Wood the human actor) is all:
50:00: Note to self: Watch a movie before you pitch a live blog article to your editor.
55:00: This movie has got to be the result of some sort of clandestine Hollywood blackmail scheme gone horribly awry.
1:08:00: The remaining hostage asks Elijah Wood if she can make a phone call. Wood is like, “No way. That’s a ridiculous request. You’re a hostage.”
Just kidding! He’s like, “Sure. No problem!” and allows her to call the father of her three-year-old son. I’m sure this won’t come back to haunt him later in the film.
1:05:00-1:15:00: After a few missteps (#heistproblems), Cage and Wood successfully break into the vault where the two uncover a trove of diamonds. But it’s kind of a good news/bad news sitch, because the two also discover a cache of guns. Wood has a change of heart as he suddenly realizes that stealing millions of dollars from a gang is probably not the best idea. Cage is basically like, “Huh, things that could have been brought to my attention yesterday!”
But the Cage version of that is to yell “open it!” over and over and over again at Elijah Wood.
1:20:00: Cage plans to kill the other hostage. Having grown attached to her or perhaps just anti-murder, Elijah Wood shoots Nicolas Cage, which effectively rules out my anti-murder hypothesis.
1:22:00: Wood returns the diamonds to the vault and attempts to drive the hostage up north where he promises he will safely release her. A van that just so happens to have the same phone number on it that the hostage previously called begins following Elijah Wood. He’s genuinely shocked about this, which delights me to no end. Wood attempts to tell the men in the van that he’s a cop. Shockingly, they don’t care and shoot him. The remaining hostage, who is so inconsequential that her character is just referred to as “Woman” on IMDB, survives.
In the end there was no trust between partners in The Trust, which eventually led to their downfall. Also, they were very, very bad at planning a heist. Laughably inept. On the Nicolas Cage scale of Cageness, I rate this film an 84 out of 100.
