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Previously on Top Model: People are pretty, judges are mean, and 14 women are chosen to continue on in a competition that, if it doesn’t ruin their reputations with friends and family back home, will surely ruin their self-esteem.
The house on America’s Next Top Model this season is a gorgeous townhouse somewhere in a neighborhood in Manhattan far too expensive for ugly people like me to live in, and the women are excited. Justine is especially excited, as she and her family lived in a one bedroom apartment while she was growing up, and now she’s in this beautiful home. We’re shown a picture of Justine as a child with her family, and according to article 14c of the Reality TV Constitution, that means Justine is definitely going home.
In her confessional, Tatiana does this season’s first version of “I’m not here to make friends” with her “If someone tries to get in my way in the competition, I will gladly step right over them.” It’s no Jade from Cycle 6’s “This is not America’s Next Top Best Friend,” but for a deliberately more subdued reboot of the over the top first iteration of ANTM, this will do.
This season, the women will be receiving their challenges via Ritalerts instead of Tyra Mail, which sounds more like a pacemaker brand than an exciting email from Not Rihanna. Today, the girls head up to Harlem to meet with Stacy McKenzie, a striking black woman with fair skin, blonde hair, and freckles aplenty. She’s a “fashion icon”, who has walked for Gaultier, Betsey Johnson and few other names that I’m too poor to remember. Stacy is going to be their runway coach for the day. And since we’re in Harlem, we obviously have to have Voguers come in and teach the models how to do something completely different than what will actually be demanded from them should they be successful models. So yes, we can rest assured that this show will coopt black gay culture in the very same way Tyra did years ago, in case you were worried about the show being too culturally sensitive. (The Voguers, House of Mugler, are super dope though.)
The models are split into two squads that will have a walk off, with the winners getting runway coaching from Stacy ahead of tomorrow’s runway show. The walks are all unremarkable for the most part, with the exception of Binta, a runway superstar, and Kyle and Justine who look like broken dolls.
Squad 1 wins.
Back at the house, the women are in the backyard where Paige, super blonde, privileged white woman is expressing her desire to learn more from this diverse group of women. There’s a performative feeling about it all, especially in her declaration of “Black lives matter! They matter TO ME!” but before I have time to be annoyed at Paige’s “wokeness,” Binta jumps in to yell that black dictators in Africa kill their own people, and so I guess she means black lives don’t matter? I don’t quite understand her point. Giah is trying to articulate that while she and Binta are both black, their experiences are quite different because of slavery in America, but Binta insists that Giah is African no matter what. (She’s not.) Binta is now yelling, trying to force Giah to identify as African. Ahh yes. In Binta, we finally get our Bitchy Black Girl™ of the season.
Later on that evening, Stacy comes in to chat with the women and do some runway coaching for the winning squad. She adds a 4th B to the triple we got from Tyra last week: Believing in yourself! Stacy shares her story of perseverance, telling of the rejections from agency after agency (and including a tearful recounting of an agency owner denigrating her in front of new colleagues). It was a powerful story, but one wonders why she would be so insistent upon working in an industry that wants so badly to tell her that she is ugly. The models are inspired, but I find it masochistic.
This week’s challenge is not just a runway show, but a photo shoot art directed by Drew Elliot, where the women will be walking the runway and falling off the stage into a the arms of a bunch of really hot dudes. It sounds silly, the way all the Top Model photo shoots do, but I don’t have VISION, so it’ll probably be surprisingly beautiful in the end and I will feel like a fool.
The models are a little over eager and hands on with the clothes they find back stage, and while it’s unprofessional, Binta cares entirely too much about what the other models are doing. Mind your business girl!
Law Roach shows up to style the shoot, and he introduces his guest Zendaya, who, he says, “is fashion icon thanks to me.” Ummm, ok. Now look, Zendaya is not an icon. She’s gorgeous to the point that it hurts my face, but she is no icon. Naomi is an Icon. Cindy is an Icon. The Mozilla Firefox shortcut on your desktop is an Icon. Zendaya is no icon.
Zendaya is there to identify the “boss” of today’s shoot, and the reward is a picture with Zendaya to be posted on Instagram. I’m almost 30 years old so this may be me being an old, but a fucking Instagram pic? That’s it?! The prospect excites a few of the models, though. Justine tells us, “it’s
sad to say, but social media is my life.” Aren’t you the girl with super strict parents? Yeah, of course social media is your life. Your parents won’t let you go outside.
The shoot is not particularly interesting, but that’s standard for Top Model I guess. I never care for the drama on set. Let’s see. Giah is beautiful. Binta is shitting on Paige for no reason. Kyle improved so much. Courtney is perfect. Cherish is lame. Marissa is a goddess and I love her very much. Cody is happy to not have her sister overshadow her. Tash did incredible. India is so pretty I can’t even. Tatiana looks a little stiff to me. Justine is awkward as hell but her face is stunning. Marissa is uninterested in Coryanne’s mom, and the camera doesn’t seem interested in Coryanne either. Krisslian is terrible.
After the shoot, Zendaya determines that Kyle did the best at being a Boss, and so they take a selfie that Zendaya posts to Instagram.
Back at the house, Binta presses Paige about her behavior during the shoot. Paige is adamant that she is just being herself, and she isn’t lying because we already know herself to be super annoying. Tatiana agrees with Binta that some of the women are being obnoxious on set, but Binta, Bitchy Bitchy Black Girl ™, can’t help but make this a confrontation where it doesn’t need to be. Paige feels attacked, but Marissa is there to comfort her. Marissa tells the confessional that she thinks Paige is sweet, but Marissa doesn’t see supermodel in Paige. Me neither, girl. Me neither.
The models arrive at Panel. Ashley Graham, Drew Elliot and Law Roach are all seated while Rita Ora stands. You guys, Rita is TINY! She’s standing, presumably in heels and barely edges out Ashley Graham in her chair.
We finally get to see all the pictures from the photoshoot. India looks incredible in her shot. Binta, of course, looks great. The judges say Kyle’s shot is fantastic, but I don’t see it. Justine looks amazing in the face but the body is terrible, as her legs were wide open throughout the shoot. The judges love Tash, while I’m meh on her shot. Cherish does poorly, as I expect she will continue to do throughout the competition. I don’t get her. Tatiana looks great, as usual. Coryanne’s shot is terrible, as we should have expected. Paige is fine, but the judges love it. Krisslian is terrible and full of excuses. Giah looks great. Marissa kills it. And COURTNEY IS PERFECT. She’s still my pick for winner.
Oh gosh. Cody is crying. She’s super anxious about her shot, and apparently she has felt overshadowed by her twin sister her whole life. Girl, you’re in a beauty competition with your twin sister. You are begging to be overshadowed! Rita tries to comfort Cody, and Law asks Tash to give Cody a hug. The moment is sweet, but this feels all bad. If there’s a reunion at the end of the season, their development is going to be that Cody smothered Tash with a pillow while the latter was asleep. Cody looks incredible in her photo though, so Tash won’t die today.
After discussion, the panel comes back for elimination. Cody has best photo. I was hoping Courtney or India would win best photo, but I guess Cody needs this for her self-esteem or whatever. CoryAnne and Justine are in the bottom two. Rita stands before them, tiny yet all powerful. She doesn’t want Coryanne’s mom’s legacy to be hangs over her and ruins her ability to perform. Justine is young, but needs to learn how to be aware of her body. The models are crying, and Rita, unlike Tyra who subsists on the tears of models poorer than she, starts to tear up, too. The screen shows Coryanne’s photo as the final one, and Justine is going home. I was right about that editing! But I can’t celebrate being right for long, because Justine, who is barely 18 years old, drops to the floor and sobs. GIF (Justine crying 39:47)Rita gives her words of encouragement, but there is something so upsetting about watching a teenager’s dreams being dashed. Bummer.
Ok! That’s long enough for empathy, right? There’s a preview of next week’s episode where Marissa goes in on Courtney and that looks fun. On to more drama! I wanna see them fight!
Rae Sanni is a comedian and writer from Brooklyn, NY who has been bringing her unique perspective on everything from pop culture to race and gender relations to audiences all over. Rae co-hosts the monthly stand up comedy show LoudMouth!. You can find Rae on Twitter @Raesanni, where she muses on her love for Rihanna, NBA players, and being a black person.
