The Guys of ‘Girls’, Ranked Terrible to Tolerable

Ace, how do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways. Somehow, Girls managed to make me hate Dr. Spock, a feat I never would have thought possible until I watched Quinto appear on screen with that stupid yellow toothbrush in his mouth. He uses Jessa to get to Mimi-Rose (Gillian Jacobs) and possesses absolutely no regard for any other human being, and his sense of style is revolting. He proves himself to be a total sociopath after dragging Jessa to see Mimi-Rose and Adam, which evidently does not end well for a single party present (at least for a little while).

Insufferable man-baby Desi is probably the most realistically terrible guy on Girls – when we meet him, he’s an effortlessly chill, dreamy actor/musician that has undeniable chemistry with Marnie – and then the truth comes out. He’s got a girlfriend, but he pursues Marnie anyway, and much like the reveal that caused us to become completely turned off by Booth Jonathan, Desi’s emotional instability, manipulative antics, and self-absorbed behavior all combine to make him the worst.

The first guy to get Marnie going post-Charlie, Booth Jonathan initially appears to be a confident, sexually-forward artist who “knows how to do things”. Once he gets Marnie into bed, however, the illusion is totally shattered; he’s domineering and fairly inadequate in bed (not to mention crazy – he makes her keep her eyes trained on a creepy old doll). Though Marnie continues to delude herself into thinking she has a good thing with Booth, he later sends her into an emotional tailspin by acting like they were never in a relationship. Shiiiiiitty.

It’s hard to watch Chris O’Dowd play such a monstrous venture capitalist after winning our hearts in Bridesmaids, but he does a hell of a job here. After failing to accomplish a threesome with Jessa and Marnie, he has a meltdown of massive proportions – and later surprises the entire group when he marries Jessa. While the marriage is short-lived, his temper tantrums and inability to handle Jessa’s abrasive personality provide enough whining for a lifetime.

Jessa’s quirky friend from rehab eventually proves himself to be just as terrible as the rest of the men in her life; after not seeing each other for a while, he reappears and gets her back into drugs, much to roommate Shoshanna’s dismay. Things come to an abrupt halt when Shoshanna calls Jasper’s daughter (played by a delightfully pathetic Felicity Jones) to take Jasper home to help him get better. Jasper’s disregard for Jessa’s wellbeing and attempts to get into her pants make him one of the worst characters on Girls – because he’s old enough to know better.

Donald Glover‘s brief stint on the show was unfortunately not one that made us fall in love with him. Glover plays Sandy, Hannah’s summer fling that is occupying her time while an injured Adam recuperates. He seems perfectly nice until he loans her The Fountainhead and it’s revealed he’s a Republican, which evidently proves to be a deal-breaker here, even if Hannah acts like it’s not a big deal.

Hannah’s season five boyfriend played by Jake Lacy was seemingly sane (at least saner than her previous companions) but had a series of strange quirks that made him questionable. The stash of nudes from former relationships he kept on his phone was more than troubling, and then there were his control-freak tendencies when it came to Hannah’s performance as a teacher, and finally, his complete freak-out when Hannah breaks up with him (yes, the way she does it is childish, but still) when he calls her a complete bitch and screams that he wasted a year of his life with her. This is not to say that Hannah doesn’t mistreat him, because she totally does – but his temper is still fairly frightening.

Shoshanna’s attempt to lose her virginity in the first season is ruined when old camp friend Matt (Pitch Perfect‘s Skylar Astin) finds out it’s her first time. While he initially brags about how weird it is that he looooves to go down on girls, he’s almost immediately turned off when he learns that he’d be deflouring Shosh if they proceeded to the deed. You can’t completely blame him for not wanting that responsibility, but his douchey-ness is still pretty rampant here.

Elijah’s latest love interest initially appears to be the whole package – played by House of Cards‘ Corey Stoll, news anchor Dill Harcourt is good looking, wealthy, smart, and funny – but he’s not content to settle with just one conquest, which is dismaying news to Elijah. We’d totally be #TeamDill if he’d turn it down a couple notches and treat Elijah with the respect he deserves.

Shoshanna’s entrepreneurial boyfriend that she ditches after moving to Tokyo was actually one of the more tolerable companions of our central characters. While he certainly had his pretentious moments, Scott only ever wants to be with Shoshanna and make her happy, and the way she ditches him is a little undignified.

Charlie (Christopher Abbott) began as a naive boy who loved Marnie so much it made everyone uncomfortable. While his smothering of her was certainly unpleasant, he was still sweet – until his insecurities began to pour out and he became spiteful towards Marnie for the way she treated him during their break-up. Though he had an abrupt exit at the end of the second season that sent us on an emotional roller-coaster, his sad fifth season return – which felt like a total departure from the original character – did give us a little closure. Charlie, while terrible on many levels, was only ever a scared kid who had his heart broken. That makes him pretty tolerable in our book.

Elijah (Andrew Rannells), Hannah’s ex-from-college-turned-gay-best-friend, may actually be one of the best characters on the show at the moment. Though he can definitely be mean and he’s had his ups and downs with Hannah and others, his quippy one-liners, brutal honesty, and genuine concern for all members of the friend group make him a pretty stand-up guy. Sure, he’s selfish sometimes, but who isn’t?

Oh, Laird. So naive, so gentle, so harmless. Adam’s would-be brother-in-law and Hannah’s downstairs neighbor has never held anything but the purest of intentions, whether it be trying to protect Hannah from doing drugs (he doesn’t want anyone else to meet his former junkie fate) or giving Caroline (Gaby Hoffman) her “space” from their baby. Laird, strange as he may be, is the least malicious character on this show – he’s just trying to get by and enjoy his days.

Though he certainly got off to a rough start – peeing on Hannah in the shower and blurring the lines of consent with Natalia, among many other questionable actions – Adam’s character development has surpassed almost all of the men on Girls. Yes, he’s got some silly anger issues on occasion, but his willingness to be vulnerable, open, and follow his heart make him stand out. He’s willing to help people when they need it, even if it inconveniences him, and maybe it’s just the the quality of Adam Driver‘s performance, but it’s really hard not to have a soft spot for him.

While it might seem like Ray and Adam are in a tight race for “Most Improved”, the truth is that Ray was never quite as terrible as Adam was to begin with. There was always a good heart buried beneath his cynical exterior and mooching behaviors – it just took a while to reveal itself. After breaking up with Shoshanna and finally developing a sense of drive (and falling for Marnie along the way), Ray’s growth and maturity when it comes to his relationship with those around him, willingness to give advice to others, and general demeanor make him the most tolerable male character on the show.