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The Notebook

Can we all agree that Nicholas Sparks novels-turned-movies rule the romance genre? Who else do you know that is cranking out emotional porn stories at the rate he has for nearly two decades? The books are crazy successful and their film counterparts have touched the hearts of millions (“If you’re a bird, I’m a bird”). While they’ve more than carved out their important place in pop culture, they have also, like many significant pieces of art before them, totally jumped the shark. That is, they’ve gone too far, to a point where we find ourselves slipping out of the story, out of love with what we’re witnessing. When things get to be just a bit too much. The moment when we realize we’re not just watching an enthralling relationship between two people play out in front of us but, well, just a movie instead.
And let’s be clear: these movies have a pretty strong batting average. We’re all guilty of putting one of these on while we’re cleaning the house, only to find ourselves sitting on the couch sobbing, entirely leaving the shelves undusted. But let’s take this moment to look upon the mantelpiece where Nicholas Sparks films sit, eliciting an “OMG I love that one!” from anyone who passes by. There’s a very specific point where things went south, and it’s best to identify it now.

The Classics

A Walk To Remember, 2002
The Notebook, 2004

Oh, what an innocent time 2002 was. Audiences went to the theater to watch Mandy Moore, who at that time we mostly knew as the singer of “Candy”, and Shane West as two high schoolers from very different cliques fall in love. Only there was no telescope on Earth that we’d be able to use to see the comet of an ending heading our way. From straddling state lines to sweet slow dancing, the revelation and then conclusion of this film was a direct punch to the heart, and as sad as it may be, the surprise of it was what made it as impactful as it was. A Walk To Remember looked at all the flimsy teen flicks of the time and said “Oh yeah? Wait until you see what we can do,” giving depth and sentimentality to teens who didn’t care about clothes or hooking up. It was a beautiful, consuming, and effective film that helped open the door for what was to come.
Sparks films peaked in 2004 with The Notebook. It is unquestionably one of the greatest romance films of all time, and certainly the best he’s been behind. Not only did it propel the careers of Rachel McAdams and this year’s Best Actor Oscar nominee Ryan Gosling, but holy shit did it show us what could be done with unstoppable love; strict parents, James Marsden, and the U.S. Postal Service be dammed. Sandwiched in between the spotty memories of two sweet elderly people is a love story like no other. The flirting, the longing, and of course the boat rides portrayed a couple that might have stronger feelings for each other than any of the rest of us mere mortals could ever feel. It remains infinitely watchable, not just because of the storytelling, or the actors, but the raw emotions it evokes each and every time. These Sparks films might be on to something…

The “If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It”-s

Nights in Rodanthe, 2008
Dear John, 2010
The Last Song, 2010
The Lucky One, 2012
Who wouldn’t want to watch Diane Lane and Richard Gere walking barefoot on a beach? The two reunite for their third film together in Nights in Rodanthe (after 1984’s The Cotton Club and 2002’s Unfaithful, a different kind of intense movie). Their romance, the falling in love part is beautiful, and the ending a tear-jerker, no doubt. Because now we’re following a formula. We know our hearts are going to swell and break and piece themselves back together and beat on. The damage and delight that a Sparks film is going to put us through is evident at this part. We can brace ourselves, and still be devastated, but that’s the fun of it all. Audiences knew what they wanted from the films at this point, and the movies delivered in spades. Somehow the surprises were still surprising, the love still lovely, and the tears still flowing.
The films continued to launch actors into an entirely new stratosphere, with a pre-Magic Mike Channing Tatum pairing up with Amanda Seyfried for Dear John. While the letter-writing theme was still strong (what is the stamp budget for these films?), this movie tackled what it was like to be serving overseas during the war. Crying yet? You know you will be! It’s predictably heart-breaking and hopeful and sticking so closely to the formula that works annoyingly well for these films. Same with The Last Song, which united Miley Cyrus with her IRL love Liam Hemsworth. There’s music, there’s cancer, there’s disagreement with parents, and there are even sea turtles. But what’s most notable about this group of films is the fact that they are both so sturdy and formulaic that they all blend together. “Is that the one with Miley?” “Wait, the one with Channing?” These are the types of questions you and your loved ones have asked at some point while trying to distinguish each film from the other. They’re great when you’re watching, but they don’t puncture your heart in the same way the earlier stories did.
Which brings us to The Lucky One. It might not be the most memorable of this grouping, but it should be. While Zac Efron was already a household name, especially if you had a tween, this role helped him successfully cross the bridge from child star to man actor. Plus, he starred opposite an actress named Taylor Schilling, a near unknown at the time, but now at the head of Orange is the New Black. The war theme carried over from Dear John (always ripe for romance), as did the usual southern setting and involvement of animals, but this is where things begin to get grittier. We get to experience one of the sexier sex scenes as the pair urgently make out under a stream in an outdoor shower, later stripping down from their dripping clothes in his bedroom. Oh, and the misunderstandings of strict parents are clearly in the past, as the baddie title here goes to a 100% meanie, scary jerk of an ex. The Lucky One afforded a bit more edge to be inserted into what we would normally expect from this type of film, and indication of what was to come.

The Turning Point

Safe Haven, 2013
And speaking of edge, here’s where the movies completely go tumbling right over it. Josh Duhamel and Julianne Hough aren’t a bad duo in Safe Haven, but the situations they’re presented with are just a bit extra. While The Lucky One introduced us to the concept of an abusive ex, Safe Haven took it up several notches by throwing in a self-defense stabbing and drunken stalking that could only end with a brutal death amidst a raging fire. Oh, and let’s not forget the large amount of inspiration taken from The Sixth Sense here as well. There’s no room for “I see dead people” in a Sparks film. There was a lot going on, and it never quite gelled together in a way that would produce the butterfly-induced feeling we crave from these films.

The “They Don’t Make ‘Em Like They Used To”-s

The Best Of Me, 2014
The Longest Ride, 2015
The Choice, 2016
So Safe Haven changed the path of Sparks films, as evidenced by the three that have been released since. Even hunky James Marsden couldn’t really make The Best of Me a must-watch, and to date he’s the only man to ever make us question our devotion to Ryan Gosling. The Longest Ride continued the tradition of breaking out male stars by blessing us with Scott Eastwood. And let’s just say The Choice was pretty obvious when it came to viewing last year’s film.
While we love a good kiss, we love the KISS method more when it comes to the best romance films of our generation: Keep It Simple, Stupid. These relationships are complex enough, there’s no need for fires or ghosts (sorry, angels) or bloody knives. All that matters are matters of the heart.