That Gay Episode: ‘Mary Tyler Moore’ Comes Out Of The Closet

Gay people worry about how they’re perceived — not for vanity reasons, but survival reasons. The period of a gay person’s life — be they minutes, months or years — between acknowledging their queer identity and proudly flying a rainbow flag are a nonstop internal Q(ueer) & A session.”Do they know I’m gay?” “Wait, does this make me seem gay?” “When do I tell them I’m gay?” It’s hard to express who you now know you are when you’re dealing with people whose perceptions of you run back decades.

These are the issues at the heart of The Mary Tyler Moore Show‘s 1973 episode “My Brother’s Keeper.” Unlike Cheers‘ “The Boys in the Bar,” which tackled machismo and gay panic by making half the cast straight-up homophobes, “My Brother’s Keeper” saved its big gay reveal for the very end. To get all meta, this is a gay episode that literally plays it straight for 24 of its 25 minutes.

To get even meta-ier, “My Brother’s Keeper” was written by Dick Clair and Jenna McMahon, a definitely-not-married duo (Clair was most likely gay) that performed husband-and-wife comedy routines on variety shows. “My Brother’s Keeper” is also built around the dynamic between gay men and straight women. It’s not surprising that the episode was written by a pair that most likely lived that dynamic.

In the episode, which aired in MTM‘s third season in January 1973, Phyllis’ (Cloris Leachman) bachelor brother Ben Sutherland (Robert Moore) pays a visit for the first and — par for the course for gay episodes — only time. This is a big deal for Phyllis, who has dreamed of setting up Ben with still-single Mary (Mary Tyler Moore) since she arrived in Phyllis’ building. Phyllis brings Ben over to Mary’s that night, forcing a meet cute that turns into a meet awkward.

Phyllis then springs a “spontaneous” double date night of dinner and a concert on Mary and Ben, but Ben squirms out of it by saying he’s jet-lagged. What he wants to say is “I just flew in and boy, do I like men.” He doesn’t. A Tony-nominated stage veteran, there’s no doubt Robert Moore used his experience as a gay man to inform Ben’s character. The actor packs these seconds with subtle identity panic as Ben plots his escape from talk of his love life. I feel you, Ben, because I’ve been there too.

After meeting a Phyllis-approved version of Ben, a slightly more authentic version knocks on Mary’s door a few hours later. Ben apologizes to Mary for abruptly peace-ing out, and then the conversation zags towards the personal when Ben slyly tries to figure out Mary’s age. She catches on quickly, and Ben relates that he hates it when people try to get personal details out of him: “Why don’t they just come right out and ask?” You get the feeling that Ben’s not just talking about age.

And then, Ben meets Rhoda (Valerie Harper) — the brash, bohemian New Yorker that’s also Phyllis’ tenant/sworn enemy. The two instantly hit it off and Ben gives Rhoda that extra concert ticket. Hours later, a grief-stricken and black-clad Phyllis enters Mary’s apartment, traumatized from seeing her brother with… Rhoda.

It turns out that a visit from a quasi-closeted homosexual is just what Mary Tyler Moore needed to contrast Phyllis and Rhoda. Phyllis is a ball of nerves when it comes to how people perceive her; she’s passing off a rented piano as her own because she wants to impress her musician brother. She even hypes up Ben’s career as a jingle writer to Mary’s co-workers, telling them that “if Bach were alive today, he would be doing television.”

Rhoda, on the other hand, is authenticity defined. She wears a matching bright red tunic and bellbottoms to a Mozart concert, which she shows up to late while snapping her fingers to the beat. Rhoda does not care what anyone thinks. Yes, it is believable that the gay guy would hit it off with the person that snaps to the beat of her own classical drummer.

Much to Phyllis’ dismay, the odd couple keeps close — and in Rhoda’s apartment. This turns Phyllis upside-down. She wants to tell her brother to stop having a torrid (and totally imagined) love affair with Rhoda, but she worries about how he’ll react. Phyllis comes face-to-face with her fear at Mary’s party when Ben and Rhoda show up together. This proves to be too much for Phyllis, who derails Mary’s party by calling Rhoda out. In true Phyllis fashion, she refuses to hear the truth (Rhoda says there’s nothing going on with Ben) and doesn’t relent until Rhoda spits out a sarcastic lie (she’s marrying Ben). Phyllis loves a facade!

The crowd clears out, making this Mary’s millionth ruined party. Phyllis and Rhoda are left alone together. Without a crowd around to perform for, Phyllis is finally able to hear the truth — in an exchange that’s one of Mary Tyler Moore‘s snappiest. A shocked Phyllis rattles off a list of Ben’s attributes (“He’s witty, he’s attractive, he’s successful, he’s single!”), and Rhoda comes back with…

With 90 seconds left, the episode finally comes out. This exchange, which lasts as long as a YouTube ad, reveals more about Ben than we’ve learned so far. The fact that he came out to Rhoda — a woman he’s known for maybe 48 hours — indicates that he’s probably out to his friends in New York City (at least as out as he could safely be in 1973). It also indicates that he’s probably pretty comfortable with it; If he wasn’t, he probably would have used a tried-and-true diversion tactic with Rhoda. The exchange even reveals that he’s not out to Phyllis, his sister, which — let me tell you — resonates.

Like Ben, I spent years telling close friends and, eventually, acquaintances and strangers about my gayness before I broached the topic with my family. It was easier for me to introduce myself to new people as a gay man than account for the decades of presumed straightness I had with my family. I know why Ben didn’t tell Phyllis, and while this 30-second exchange doesn’t dig into it, it’s all there.

Also, like, just in general, don’t out people to their families, Rhoda.

It’s also worth pointing out the audience’s reaction. Yeah, Rhoda’s line (“He’s gay!”) is the punchline for a 20-minute setup, and it’s a genuinely great one. The laughter feels like it comes from surprise, not dismissal or disgust. Valerie Harper delivers the line with the bluntness of a “duh.” Rhoda’s cool with it. What’s the big deal? If only Ben and Rhoda could have been the Will and Grace of the ’70s. Sidenote: Robert Moore went on to direct 27 episodes of Rhoda, so at least the off-screen adventures of Harper and Moore continued.

Because the reveal comes so close to the end, we only spend seconds with Phyllis’ response. She’s shocked to learn the truth about her brother, and then relieved that it means he will never marry Rhoda (or other Rhodas). The episode ends with Ben — the only time in the episode we see him post outing — at the piano, and Phyllis lovingly by his side. Right on theme, the episode ends with Phyllis mistaking Ben’s dog food jingle for Mozart.

While this episode doesn’t hit its message as hard as Cheers‘ “Boys in the Bar,” it’s stealthily a more authentic depiction of gay issues. The episode was co-written by a gay man and featured a gay actor — both of whom had their important creative voices silenced by AIDS-related illnesses in the ’80s. With “My Brother’s Keeper,” Dick Clair, Jenna McMahon and Robert Moore delivered a small peek into the daily anxieties of gay life — and 70s audiences didn’t see it coming.

Watch "My Brother's Keeper" episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show on Hulu

Watch "My Brother's Keeper" episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show on iTunes