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We already know that Showtime is a destination for quality programing. With historic shows like Dexter and Weeds and current favorites like Shameless and Homeland, the network knows a thing or two about creating dramatic tension. But who knew that Showtime was also so prolific at creating a torrent of sexual tension?
The workweek is over, and the lights have been dimmed. You know what that means: It’s time for a little Decider After Dark!
We’ve already detailed HBO’s all-time most controversial sexytime moments and shared a collection of the hottest TV sex scenes of 2017, so in this week’s edition we open the Showtime archives to bring you some of the cable network’s steamiest scenes. From a sultry dive bar tryst between Mary-Louise Parker and Mark-Paul Gosselaar on Weeds to an explosion of sexual chemistry between Emmy Rossum’s Fiona and Nick Gehlfuss’ Robbie on Shameless, the braintrust from Showtime truly are the masters of sex. So much so, that they decided to air an entire series about it: Californication, which stars the incomparable David Duchovny.
Curious to discover which scenes made our list? Then step behind the velvet rope and experience the sultry after-hour delight known as Decider After Dark.
'Nurse Jackie' Season 5, Episode 6: Carrie And Coop Play Doctor
Betty Gilpin earned a much-deserved Emmy nom for her performance on GLOW, but before she was making her opponents pay as Liberty Belle, she was playing doctor on Showtime's Nurse Jackie. Gilpin's Carrie Roman embraced the seductive charms of dirty talk in this office quickie from Season 5's "Walk of Shame." It's basically what the sex scenes on Grey's Anatomy would be like if the series moved to cable. Stream Season 5, Episode 6 of Nurse Jackie on Netflix. Photo: Netflix
Before Betty Gilpin was dishing out fearsome forearms on Netflix’s GLOW, she was romancing Dr. Fitch Cooper (Peter Facinelli) on Nurse Jackie. This equal parts funny and erotic scene from Season 5 revolves around Dr. Carrie Roman giving Coop a series of increasingly provocative orders via pre-written signs.
Sometimes you don’t need to be vocal to be sexy. You can stream the episode on Netflix.
Tudors Season 1, Episode 10: Let's Have Sex In The Woods!
You know what’s surprisingly super sexy? 16th-century England!
You won’t be able to get King Henry VIII (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) and Anne Boleyn’s (Natalie Dormer) first sexual experience out of your mind. Historically accurate? No idea. Hot? Definitely.
You can stream the scene on Netflix.
'Californication' Season 5, Episode 6: Hank And Kali Make Some Music
David Duchovny and Meagan Good have some seriously simmering chemistry during the fifth season of Californication. As you may recall, the duo almost hooked up in an airplane bathroom during the season premiere, but were rudely interrupted before they could get down to business.
Kali sneaking around with Hank behind her boyfriend’s back was one of the steamiest moments of the infamously sexy series.
'Weeds' Season 6, Episode 8: Nancy And Zack Morris Do It
In terms of pure sexual intensity, it’s tough to top this kinky sex scene between Mary-Louise Parker and Saved by the Bell: Hawaiian Style star Mark-Paul Gosselaar.
Weeds has treated us to a number of memorable sex scenes during its eight-season run, but the carnal spontaneity of this dive bar tryst is certainly the steamiest. Good news! You can stream the episode on Netflix.
“I said no smoking.”
'Masters of Sex' Season 2, Episode 11: Robert & Libby Give In To Temptation
You might think a scintillating Masters of Sex scene on a list like this would involve Lizzy Caplan and Michael Sheen, but the smoldering chemistry between two characters — in this case Robert and Libby — finally giving in to their desires is too difficult (and too hot!) to ignore.
“I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what I am. I don’t why that I want what I want. I just think… if you would kiss me then maybe I could figure it out.”
'The Affair' Season 1, Episode 4: True To The Title, Ruth And Noah Have An Affair
We were tempted to use one of the many hot hookups between Noah (Dominic West) and Helen (Maura Tierney), but the series is titled The Affair not Marriage on the Rocks.
In this festive sex scene, Noah and Ruth partake in some acrobatic love-making that starts near the winnnnnndows but ends on the wall. What I’m trying to say is that the two get low.
'Queer As Folk' Season 1, Episode 1: Brian Takes Justin's V-Card
They say you never forget your first time, and we’re guessing that goes double for Randy Harrison’s Justin on Queer as Folk. Taking place in the pilot episode, the series wastes no time getting into the steamy stuff as Brian and Justin’s steamy hookup begins in the car but ends in the bedroom.
Watch the scene in its entirety on Netflix.
'Homeland' Season 2, Episode 9: Jess And Mike Rekindle An Old Flame
One of the most buzzed about sex scenes of 2012 was the silent but sultry hookup between Morena Baccarin’s Jessica Brody and Diego Klattenhoff’s Mike Faber. It doesn’t get much more complicated than Jessica and Mike’s relationship. That whole “husband coming back from the dead” thing can be a real mood killer.
The Jessica/Mike romance was reignited in a big way during this classic Season 2 episode.
'Shameless' Season 4, Episode 3: Fiona And Robbie Don't Even Bother To Clear The Table
Dysfunction has never been so sexy.
The Gallagher family has provided us with a lot of laughs during their seven season run, but the series is also known for its seductive side. In the Season 4 episode “Like Father, Like Daughter,” Fiona finds herself embroiled in a sudden affair with her boyfriend’s brother Robbie that begins with an unexpected yet passionate kitchen quickie.
The two are nearly caught, but the thrill of the encounter leads Fiona and Robbie back to the same familiar sexual territory in the very next episode, which you can stream here.
'The L Word' Season 1, Episode 1: Jenny & Marina's Bathroom Makeout Sesh
Jenny and Marina’s initial rendezvous is on YouTube, but their episode 4 hookup is simply too hot to ignore. Solution? We’ll include them both! While the forbidden bathroom grope session is as steamy as you’d imagine, their climactic tryst at the end of episode four also deserves a special shoutout.
