Fun
Frisky
Nostalgic
Intense
Adventurous
Choked Up
Curious
Romantic
Weird
Writer/Director Sylvie Verheyde‘s Sex Doll is neither sexy, nor dolly (whatever that means). It’s a about a prostitute with a heart of gold cold! But wouldn’t your heart be icy not-so-hot, too, if your job was to soullessly give up your body for cash to seedy European men??? Probably, but I wouldn’t know for sure since I haven’t prostituted myself… yet. So if Sex Doll is neither sexy nor dolly, what is it? It’s a middling Euro-drama with a minorly interesting love story buried among barely bare bodies! Sign you up??
Meet Virginie (Hafsia Herzi), a not so virgin-esque French babe, forever on call as a London call girl. Sure, she has family and friends and a dog she loves dearly, but not much else to look forward to. Her days and nights are spent in anonymous hotel rooms, pleasuring clients, while deriving zero pleasure herself. You get that sense right off the bat in the very first scene, as she lies there, actually looking like a sex doll being used just for her body.
For a moment, I thought, hey, this is going to be a movie about an actual sex doll – like those fancy, creepy life-like ones the Japanese make! But, sadly, the film isn’t that creative. Virginie is a living (not so well), breathing (not so heavily) human being, who finds sex very unsexy. And you will too when watching this movie!!! Take a look at our girl as she hands in one of the least interesting hand jobs I’ve ever seen on screen…
I mean, the offscreen hand jobs mentioned in Rushmore seem 9 1/2 Weeks more sexy than the one that happened in Sex Doll! (For the record: the ones mentioned in Rushmore aren’t all that sexy.)
OK, so maybe you didn’t come to this movie looking for pleasure. If you didn’t, you will find a real movie to watch.
Early on, Virginie meets Rupert (Ash Stymest, in his not so bad acting debut), who isn’t a client, or a guy quickly looking to get into her pants. He kinda looks like a softer version of ‘hot felon’ Jeremy Meeks, so he has that going for him! Virginie is intrigued, but keeps her distance as love isn’t her thing, and outside action is frowned upon by her madame (Karole Rocher, making this her fifth collaboration with director Verheyde). As time passes, she loosens her guard and lets him in… only to find out that maybe he isn’t who he says he is!!!
Spoiler alert – he’s a guy whose job it is to rescue young prostitutes from the streets and set them free. Will Rupert set Virginie free?? More importantly, will this movie set our actors’ clothing free from their bodies??? Spoiler alert – it will not (except for one ever-so-brief moment around the 38 minute mark). Seriously, how unsexy can a movie about sex be? You have a movie that centers on a prostitute and she doesn’t even really take her top off???? Somebody needs to send Sylvie Verheyde back for a remedial workshop on Sexy Filmmaking 101. I think ‘show boobs’ is covered on day one of that class. Not sure what’s covered (or should that be UNcovered?) on day 2.
Finally, after about an hour of boringness, the film finally picks up on the action. We’ve got a fourseome! But guess what? It’s the least sexy AND naked foursome you’ve ever seen, and doesn’t climax all that well either. OK, I lied, you do get to see someone’s breasts!
Reddy Redfaceington’s!
After this lust-less encounter, the plot does thicken a bit between Virginie and Rupert, and the movie wraps up in a mostly satisfying way. Too bad Sex Doll itself wasn’t all that satisfying.
Sex Doll is currently available for streaming (not creaming) on Netflix.
If you’re looking for more fun in your filmed prostitution, why not watch Showtime’s Secret Diary of a Call Girl? Or looking for something a bit more risque? Risky Business is on HBO Go/Now. Or want something that will knock your socks off AND your pants off? Try Sleeping Beauty on for size/thighs, streaming on Sundance Now.
Thighmaster is full time master of thighs, and editor-in-CHEF of ThighsWideShut.org, an organization based out of Thighland. In his free time he eats fried chicken, and runs street teams to promote the greatness of David Fincher’s Zodiac, and the greatness of the Zardoz trailer.
