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Sex and television — they’re two things that pair oddly well together like chilies in chocolate. Once upon a time, the very idea of any character having onscreen sex was enough to make people panic, but now it’s not uncommon to see unbelievably steamy scenes in mainstream dramas and comedies. And in the world of onscreen, televised sex, no one is as impressive as Californication‘s Hank.
It’s hard to know whether Hank (David Duchovny) has slept with the most people by sheer, self-reported numbers. Based on his jokes Hank’s had with his friends, we can assume his “number” is somewhere in the three digit range, which actually isn’t all that uncommon. After all, How I Met Your Mother‘s Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris) celebrated number 200 in Season 3, and Charlie Sheen‘s character in Two and a Half Men has alluded to around that number as well. However, when it comes to sexual experience, people tend to lie. The only thing we can really depend on is actual, on camera hookups, and in that arena Hank is king.
According to a video from the Huffington Post, Hank entered Season 6 of Californication having slept with 26 different women. Given that each season lasts roughly a year and that Hank definitely added to his final number in Seasons 6 and 7, it feels safe to say Hank has had more onscreen hookups with different people than almost any other TV character. Of course, the only one who can beat him is Sex and the City‘s own Samantha (Kim Cattrall), who clocks in at 41 men and one woman. Here’s your guide to some of Hank’s worst mistakes and most memorable sexual encounters.
When Hank Messed Up with Mia
Who's that girl? Madeline Zima
Why was it so scandalous? Mia was 16 years old even though she didn't look it
What episode is it? Season 1, Episode 1 Photo: Netflix
Episode: Season 1, “Pilot”
This was the sex mistake that started it all. Hank had always had a problem with wsex, but that problem really came to a head during the show’s first episode when he hooked up with the 16-year-old Mia (Madeline Zima). In all fairness, she did look older. But counterpoint? If you’re ever unsure if you’re committing statutory rape, you should check. Hank’s encounter with Mia haunted him throughout the show’s seven seasons and even led to an in-show book and movie adaptation.
When Hank Slept with the Wife of His Boss
Who's that girl? Embeth Davidtz
Why was it so scandalous? You should never sleep with your boss, especially when your boss is the dean of a university
What episode is it? Season 3, Episode 4 Photo: Netflix
Episode: Season 3, “The Apartment”
You should definitely never sleep with your boss’ significant other, especially when you work in the close-knit world of academia. However, Hank was never known for making good decisions. That personality flaw came to a head in Season 3 when Hank had a steamy hook up with the sexually frustrated Felicia (Embeth Davidtz). Of course there were consequences.
When Hank, Charlie, and a Boxer Had a Threeway
Who were they? Charlie (Evan Handler) and a boxer (Laura Niles)
Why was it so scandalous? You don't see many MMF threesomes on TV much less threesomes that end with everyone's significant others walking in on them
What episode is it? Season 1, Episode 10 Photo: Netflix
Episode: Season 1, “The Devil’s Threesome”
Out of the show’s many sex scenes, this is by far one of the most memorable. Charlie (Evan Handler) is desperate to get laid and convinces Hank to join him and a boxing instructor for an intimate night. However, just when the trainer is squirting on Charlie’s face, both Hank and Charlie’s significant others walked in. You know, just normal, wholesome, family entertainment.
When Hank Snorted Coke Off of Trixie’s Butt
Who's that girl? Judy Greer
Why was it so scandalous? One time Hank snorted coke off her butt
What episode is it? Season 1, Episode 8 Photo: Netflix
Episode: Season 1, “California Sun”
Hank’s many encounters with Trixie (Judy Greer) the call girl weren’t really steamy so much as fun. Trixie was a great character as well as a welcome smiling face in this often gloomy show. However, she makes the list because during one of their first encounters Hank got high in a decidedly intimate way.
When Hank and Karen Hooked Up All the Time
Who's that girl? Natascha McElhone
Why was it so scandalous? It wasn't so much scandalous so much important. They were the show's most prominent on-again, off-again relationship
What episode is it? Basically all of them Photo: Netflix
Episode: Basically all of them
The main conflict in the center of Californication was always between Hank and the love of his life, Karen (Natascha McElhone). One episode they were breaking the other one’s heart, the next they were back in bed. It was a complicated dynamic that was never helped by Hank’s sex addiction.
When Hank Cheated With Another Woman in a Relationship, Kali
Who's that girl? Meagan Good
Why was it so scandalous? The R&B was in a relationship when she first met Hank, but that didn't stop them from hooking up all during Season 5
What episode is it? Season 5, Episode 6 Photo: Netflix
Episode: Season 5, “Love Song”
Our boy really has a problem with other people’s SOs and social boundaries in general. There was a lot of sneaking around in Season 5 with this R&B singer. The only problem was Kali’s (Meagan Good) boyfriend, who was played by Wu Tang Clan’s RZA. The duo gave us an awkward plane near-sex scene that still haunts TV to this day.
When Hank Hooked Up with Mia’s Double
Who's that girl? Addison Timlin
Why was it so scandalous? Sleeping with an underage girl is one thing. Also sleeping with the actress you cast to play her in your movie about the hookup is another thing altogether
What episode is it? Season 4, Episode 8 Photo: Netflix
Episode: Season 4, “Lights. Camera. Asshole.”
The only thing creepier than having sex with an underage girl is writing a movie about said hookup and then having sex with the woman you cast to be said underage girl. That’s exactly what Hank did with Sasha (Addison Timlin). Why? Because Hank makes bad choices.
When Hank Had Sex with a Random Surfer Girl
Who's that girl? Michelle Lombardo
Why was it so scandalous? It was part of Hank's even more sexually reckless phase
What episode is it? Season 1, Episode 6 Photo: Netflix
Episode: Season 1, “Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder”
When Hank was in one of his many sexually adventurous phases, he hooked up with an unknown surfer girl, played by Michelle Lombardo. It was all sexy fun until she robbed him. I highly doubt that’s the only time that’s happened to Hank, but it was darkly funny.
When Hank Hooked Up with One of His Students (Who Was Also a Stripper)
Who's that girl? Eva Amurri
Why was it so scandalous? Just don't sleep with your students, even if they're strippers
What episode is it? Season 3, Episode 8 Photo: Everett Collection
Episode: Season 3, “The Apartment”
Out of the myriad of women who were introduced in Season 3, Jackie (Eva Amurri) was by far the most memorable and the most obvious source of wish fulfillment. She was a student (check) who loved Hank’s writing and classes (check) who also happened to be an extremely attractive (check) stripper (big check). If Hank made up a woman for himself, it would probably be Jackie.
When Hank Had Sex with His Lawyer During His Statutory Rape Case
Who's that girl? Carla Gugino
Why was it so scandalous? You shouldn't sleep with underage women. Also? You shouldn't sleep with the attorney defending you in your statutory rape case
What episode is it? Season 4, Episode 5 Photo: Netflix
Episode: Season 4, “Monkey Business”
Turns out there is something creepier than sleeping with the actress you cast in your statutory rape case re-enactment! And Hank did it. Lawyer Abby Rhoades (Carla Gugino) got Hank off in more ways than one.
