Shark Weak! Fans Are Outraged That Michael Phelps Didn’t Race A Real Shark

Expectations for the Discovery Channel’s heavily promoted race between Olympic gold medalist and noted Subway sandwich enthusiast Michael Phelps and a great white shark plummeted to the bottom of the sea Sunday night after it was revealed that Phelps would not be competing against a real shark. After 57-minutes of buildup, ecologist Tristan Gutteridge divulged that the hotly-anticipated race would be a simulation.

“Clearly, we can’t put Michael in one lane and a white shark on the far lane. We’re gonna have to do a simulation.”

WHAT? No. We are not on board with this aquatic miscarriage of justice. Instead of man vs. shark, viewers were served man vs. computer as the scientists used all the speed data they collected to create a CGI simulation of a shark for Phelps to race against. To make matters worse, Phelps lost to the virtual shark as the facsimile “swam” the 100 meters in 36.1 seconds to Phelps’ 38.1 seconds.

Good grief. If you’re going to go the CGI route, why not up the ante and have Phelps bare-knuckle box a Sharknado?

The Shark Week special, which was heavily advertised over the last few months, was billed as a “battle for ocean supremacy,” but the only thing that reigned supreme on social media over this debacle was mass disappointment.

Despite losing to what basically amounts to a clever hologram, Phelps is game for round two. “Rematch?” the Olympic star tweeted. “Next time..warmer water. #SW30 @Discovery @SharkWeek”

Sure. We’ll fire up the ol’ Xbox.