Fun
Frisky
Nostalgic
Intense
Adventurous
Choked Up
Curious
Romantic
Weird
A lot of you are hurting right now, and I don’t blame you. Last Sunday, Discovery Channel promised us all that we could watch Michael Phelps race a freaking shark. It was billed as the ultimate test of man vs. nature. Who would win? America’s favorite swimmer or an aquatic killing machine? What actually ended up airing was a disappointing hour of over-hyped television that culminated in a boring simulation.
No one who tuned into the Phelps and shark face-off wanted numbers. We wanted to witness an insane feat of man that would maybe let us forget about that bong picture. Instead, viewers were treated to disappointment, but die-hard Shark Week fans shouldn’t have been surprised. The truth is, Shark Week has been an overhyped corporate holiday fueled by psuedo-science for years now.
I say this as both of fan of Shark Week and, more importantly, sharks. Shark Week used to be a glorious celebration of nature’s most efficient killing machine. What made Shark Week so much fun was that it was like watching a real life horror show. Discovery Channel’s never-ending supply of shark-themed documentaries transformed a predator that everyone was afraid of into the animal kingdom equivalent of Loki or Walter White — a certified bad guy that everyone still roots for because he’s just that awesome. Shark Week highlighted what the Discovery Channel did best. It turned an interesting animal you probably didn’t know much about into an event in a fun but respectful way.
That all changed in 2013 with the premiere of Megalodon: The Monster Shark Lives. Depending on what you read about the special, the program is either a mockumentary or docu-fiction. Whatever you want to call it, it wasn’t a true documentary though it ran alongside Discovery’s other programming as if it was. Megalodon and its follow up series and specials were huge hits for both Discovery Channel and Shark Week. The Monster Shark Lives still stands as one of the highest rated Shark Week episodes to date, raking in 4.8 million viewers. It was also a poorly disguised lie that began to muddy the waters of this truly awesome TV holiday.
Before the rise of this highly rated docufiction, you could pretend that the hours you wasted watching sharks bite things and jump was educational. Shark Week was a laid-back summer holiday you could respectably talk about with your co-workers, friends, and family. Heck, I’ve even united people who hate each other through the wholesome, fact-based version of Shark Week. However, with the rise of these fake specials, it became harder and harder to enjoy this programming block without coming across as a crazy person. Put a few drops of conspiracy-laden blood into the water and the sharks of insanity will come, and they did.
In 2015, Rich Ross, the current President of Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, Science Channel and Velocity, promised to remove docufiction from Shark Week, but the damage has already been done. Shark Week is no longer just known as a delightfully toothy and blood-filled week of the year. It’s a television event colored by fake science. Of course Michael Phelps didn’t get to race an actual shark. Maybe this holy, animal-loving week will return to its predator-infested roots in the future, but right now Shark Week is still tainted by over-hyped expectations and disappointment. At least Michael Phelps had fun.
