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WeirdHot And Sexy Bikini Movie Moments From The 1980s
By The Thighmaster
@thighmaster
Published
Aug. 12, 2017, 9:00 p.m. ET
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Pools have always played vital roles and settings in film --think Sunset Boulevard-- but seemed to hit their swimmingly breast-stroked stride in the 1980s.
Photos: Everett Collection ; Illustration: Dillen Phelps
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MOVIE: The Hollywood Knights (1980)
In the late 70s, some movie producer was probably like, "we need to make an American Graffiti-type flick, but with a lot of bad jokes and 110% more butts!" The end result of whatever that kernel of an idea was is The Hollywood Knights, which marked the feature film debuts of Robert Wuhl, Tony Danza AND Michelle Pfeiffer!!! Throw in a sexy young Fran Drescher, and a way too quick raunchy pool scene, and you have the recipe for a movie that is about as memorable as More American Graffiti. Wait, they made a sequel to American Graffiti?
Courtesy Everett Collection
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MOVIE: Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)
If you say the word "pool" and then "80s", the next words out of your mouth have got to be "Phoebe Cates' stunning body of work", followed by "Judge Reinhold totally blew it". Fast Times is THE quintessential coming of age movie, and the reason why the animated gif was invented!!!
If you say the word "pool" and then "80s", the next words out of your mouth have got to be "Phoebe Cates' stunning body of work", followed by "Judge Reinhold totally blew it". Fast Times is THE quintessential coming of age movie, and the reason why the animated gif was invented!!!
Courtesy Everett Collection
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MOVIE: My Tutor (1983)
A better title for My Tutor would have been French Dip since our titular French tutor (Caren Kaye) has a knack for midnight skinny dipping, after long days of linguistic lessons with an uninterested student (Matt Lattanzi). When he catches on to her nocturnal curriculum, the teacher-student relationship quickly warms from fail to pass, and wettens from chest to ass! (see what we did there!)
A better title for My Tutor would have been French Dip since our titular French tutor (Caren Kaye) has a knack for midnight skinny dipping, after long days of linguistic lessons with an uninterested student (Matt Lattanzi). When he catches on to her nocturnal curriculum, the teacher-student relationship quickly warms from fail to pass, and wettens from chest to ass! (see what we did there!)
Photo: Crown International Pictures
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MOVIE: National Lampoon's Vacation (1983)
Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) is a man of many credos, and who doesn't buy into one of his favorites that goes "you only go around this crazy merry-go-round once!" I mean, there's nothing "crazy"about wanting to take a once in a lifetime "exhilarating" evening dip with "pool waitress" Christie Brinkley, right? And when that doesn't go as spontaneously as planned, Plan B ain't so bad neither - getting along swimmingly with your as proportionality pleasing wife (Beverly D'Angelo), right?
Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) is a man of many credos, and who doesn't buy into one of his favorites that goes "you only go around this crazy merry-go-round once!" I mean, there's nothing "crazy"about wanting to take a once in a lifetime "exhilarating" evening dip with "pool waitress" Christie Brinkley, right? And when that doesn't go as spontaneously as planned, Plan B ain't so bad neither - getting along swimmingly with your as proportionality pleasing wife (Beverly D'Angelo), right?
©Warner Bros/Courtesy Everett Collection
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MOVIE: Breathless (1983)
Who needs pixie Jean Seberg and prickly Jean-Paul Belmondo when you can have the passionate Valérie Kaprisky and pretty Richard Gere in the 1983 American remake of Jean-Luc Godard's classic Breathless! Say what you will, but the original 1960 film didn't have a swimming pool OR the wet hotness splashed around by Kaprisky and Gere. If you do happen to dive into this remake, there's plenty more action to be found between the two outside of the pool that will leave you equally as breathless. Take that, French New Wave!
Who needs pixie Jean Seberg and prickly Jean-Paul Belmondo when you can have the passionate Valérie Kaprisky and pretty Richard Gere in the 1983 American remake of Jean-Luc Godard's classic Breathless! Say what you will, but the original 1960 film didn't have a swimming pool OR the wet hotness splashed around by Kaprisky and Gere. If you do happen to dive into this remake, there's plenty more action to be found between the two outside of the pool that will leave you equally as breathless. Take that, French New Wave!
©Orion Pictures Corp/Courtesy Everett Collection
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MOVIE: The Flamingo Kid (1984)
Well before Garry Marshall was making schlocky rom-coms revolving around holidays (too bad he never got around to making Arbor Day), he was making fun and serious films that both conjured up memories and made them, like 1984's Flamingo Kid (apparently the very first film to get tagged with a PG-13 rating, but not the first to be released as one). The kid in question was Matt Dillon, a Brooklyn fish out of water who takes on a summer job at the Flamingo beach resort, and a lot more than he can chew. It took "just one look" at the future Mrs. Wayne Gretzky (Janet Jones) exiting from the club's pool to send him and the male audience into a tizzy. The same Doris Troy tune would once again cause a lot of bubbling and fizzing when Cindy Crawford downed a Pepsi in 1991 (sadly not anywhere near a pool).
Well before Garry Marshall was making schlocky rom-coms revolving around holidays (too bad he never got around to making Arbor Day), he was making fun and serious films that both conjured up memories and made them, like 1984's Flamingo Kid (apparently the very first film to get tagged with a PG-13 rating, but not the first to be released as one). The kid in question was Matt Dillon, a Brooklyn fish out of water who takes on a summer job at the Flamingo beach resort, and a lot more than he can chew. It took "just one look" at the future Mrs. Wayne Gretzky (Janet Jones) exiting from the club's pool to send him and the male audience into a tizzy. The same Doris Troy tune would once again cause a lot of bubbling and fizzing when Cindy Crawford downed a Pepsi in 1991 (sadly not anywhere near a pool).
Photo: ABC Motion Pictures
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MOVIE: L'Annee des meduses (Year of the Jellyfish) (1984)
Vive la France!! More like, vive the French and their love of nude beaches and nudity in general!!! Valérie Kaprisky (making her seconde, that's French for 'second', appearance on this list/slideshow/whatever it is after Breathless) spends a majority of L'Annee des meduses (Year of the Jellyfish) without a top on at the beach, but it's only towards the film's denouement that she finally lets all loose in a piscine (who needs all that sand!!!), alongside the equally delectable Dutch actress Barbara Nielsen. Loose lips may sink ships, but loose women in pools always stay afloat!
Vive la France!! More like, vive the French and their love of nude beaches and nudity in general!!! Valérie Kaprisky (making her seconde, that's French for 'second', appearance on this list/slideshow/whatever it is after Breathless) spends a majority of L'Annee des meduses (Year of the Jellyfish) without a top on at the beach, but it's only towards the film's denouement that she finally lets all loose in a piscine (who needs all that sand!!!), alongside the equally delectable Dutch actress Barbara Nielsen. Loose lips may sink ships, but loose women in pools always stay afloat!
Photo: European Classics Video
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MOVIE: Cocoon (1985)
Looking for a sensual pool-centric movie that works for all generations? Look no further than Ron Howard's fountain of youthful Cocoon! PopPops and MeMas can ogle at all the ye old Hollywood guys and molls (Don Ameche - who took home a Best Supporting Oscar for his work, Jessica Tandy, Maureen Stapleton, Wilford Brimley, Hume Cronyn, Gwen Verdon), while the rest of us can throb for 80s' "heartthrob" Steve Guttenberg, and soak in Raquel Welch's daughter Tahnee Welch supple swim moves that are alien in nature AND beauty.
Looking for a sensual pool-centric movie that works for all generations? Look no further than Ron Howard's fountain of youthful Cocoon! PopPops and MeMas can ogle at all the ye old Hollywood guys and molls (Don Ameche - who took home a Best Supporting Oscar for his work, Jessica Tandy, Maureen Stapleton, Wilford Brimley, Hume Cronyn, Gwen Verdon), while the rest of us can throb for 80s' "heartthrob" Steve Guttenberg, and soak in Raquel Welch's daughter Tahnee Welch supple swim moves that are alien in nature AND beauty.
©20thCentFox/Courtesy Everett Collection
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MOVIE: The Legend of Billie Jean (1985)
There's nothing sexy going on, in or around the pool in The Legend of Billie Jean, but to me, it is perhaps the silver screen's sexiest pool of all time. What if I told you there was a twisty water slide that took you from your bedroom window directly into a swimming pool??? Then you too would literally be having wet dreams of one day owning a slide and pool combo like the legendary one Keith Gordon did in Billie Jean. Sadly, the real house where the scene was filmed shows no current signs of a slide emanating from the house. A boy can still dream though, can't he??
Photo: Delphi III Productions/The Guber-Peters Company
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MOVIE: Screwballs II (1985)
Apparently the success of the Canadian Porky's rip-off - Screwballs - warranted a second coming. In round II, the characters are new, and so is the school (welcome to Cockswell Academy!), but the randiness is more of the same. While sequels can be tiresome, especially in the sex-comedy genre, there's always room to be a little creative. One scene in particular is boarding on ingenious - two of our horny heroes find a chemical solution that dissolves clothing, and when they mix their concoction into a pool full of ladies, they'll have their hands AND eyes full!
Apparently the success of the Canadian Porky's rip-off - Screwballs - warranted a second coming. In round II, the characters are new, and so is the school (welcome to Cockswell Academy!), but the randiness is more of the same. While sequels can be tiresome, especially in the sex-comedy genre, there's always room to be a little creative. One scene in particular is boarding on ingenious - two of our horny heroes find a chemical solution that dissolves clothing, and when they mix their concoction into a pool full of ladies, they'll have their hands AND eyes full!
Photo: Crazy Wheels Film Corp.
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MOVIE: Porky's Revenge! (1985)
The gang is back for one final romp in Porky's Revenge! Things get off to an auspicious start when the boys are promised an orgy by the cheerleaders for winning a big basketball game. The cheerers lead them into the pool to drop their swim trunks, only to withhold their end of the bargain. Instead of a Roman bacchanal, it turns into more of a sausage fest, with the fellas ultimately losing their shyness and supplying the buns as well.
The gang is back for one final romp in Porky's Revenge! Things get off to an auspicious start when the boys are promised an orgy by the cheerleaders for winning a big basketball game. The cheerers lead them into the pool to drop their swim trunks, only to withhold their end of the bargain. Instead of a Roman bacchanal, it turns into more of a sausage fest, with the fellas ultimately losing their shyness and supplying the buns as well.
Photo: Melvin Simon Prod.
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MOVIE: Private Resort (1985)
I wonder if Rob Morrow and Johnny Depp ever dust off their VHS copies of Private Resort and look back with rose-tinted glasses at the body of work work of bodies on display in their 1st and 2nd feature film appearances respectively. While there's plenty of hard-bodies to soak up by the pool area, the 'film' also marks the acting debut(t) of Morrow and Depp's posteriors, which were sadly exposed indoors (and sadly untanned).
I wonder if Rob Morrow and Johnny Depp ever dust off their VHS copies of Private Resort and look back with rose-tinted glasses at the body of work work of bodies on display in their 1st and 2nd feature film appearances respectively. While there's plenty of hard-bodies to soak up by the pool area, the 'film' also marks the acting debut(t) of Morrow and Depp's posteriors, which were sadly exposed indoors (and sadly untanned).
Photo: TriStar Pictures
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MOVIE: Dragnet (1987)
Dragnet is one of the great (OK, maybe really good) forgotten comedies of the 80s, which found Dan Aykroyd playing it beyond super straight as Sgt Joe Friday's nephew to wacky new partner Tom Hanks (in peak comedic form, and a year before being nominated for Best Actor in the silly-serious Big). When the budding buddy cops go to gather information from a Hugh Hefner type publisher (a lispy-Dabney Coleman), who is holding court poolside, there are delightful distractions at every deckchair. On their way out the door, Aykroyd and Hanks get questioned themselves by a sultry centerfold (Julia Jennings), who is looking for perhaps something else besides "just the facts."
Dragnet is one of the great (OK, maybe really good) forgotten comedies of the 80s, which found Dan Aykroyd playing it beyond super straight as Sgt Joe Friday's nephew to wacky new partner Tom Hanks (in peak comedic form, and a year before being nominated for Best Actor in the silly-serious Big). When the budding buddy cops go to gather information from a Hugh Hefner type publisher (a lispy-Dabney Coleman), who is holding court poolside, there are delightful distractions at every deckchair. On their way out the door, Aykroyd and Hanks get questioned themselves by a sultry centerfold (Julia Jennings), who is looking for perhaps something else besides "just the facts."
Photo: Mark VII Limited
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MOVIE: The Secret of My Success (1987)
It was no secret how 80s awesome Michael J. Fox was. He was the perfect everyman in every movie he was in. That was his path to such great cinematic success. But did he have to keep screwing around with his relatives??? Mom was overly frisky with him in Back To The Future, and in The Secret of My Success it's his aunt by marriage (Margaret Whitton) who's trying to pool his resources. Yikes!
It was no secret how 80s awesome Michael J. Fox was. He was the perfect everyman in every movie he was in. That was his path to such great cinematic success. But did he have to keep screwing around with his relatives??? Mom was overly frisky with him in Back To The Future, and in The Secret of My Success it's his aunt by marriage (Margaret Whitton) who's trying to pool his resources. Yikes!
Photo: Rastar
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MOVIE: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)
In the fourth installment of the Police Academy franchise the force looked to enlist civilians to help them fight crime. The Citizens On Patrol (including David Spade) briefly turned into citizens on the prowl/howl when the buxom Officer Callahan (Leslie Easterbrook) played a drowning victim looking to be saved. If they had a wet t-shirt Hall of Fame, Callahan/Easterbrook would be a first ballot hall of famer!
In the fourth installment of the Police Academy franchise the force looked to enlist civilians to help them fight crime. The Citizens On Patrol (including David Spade) briefly turned into citizens on the prowl/howl when the buxom Officer Callahan (Leslie Easterbrook) played a drowning victim looking to be saved. If they had a wet t-shirt Hall of Fame, Callahan/Easterbrook would be a first ballot hall of famer!
Photo: Regency Enterprises
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MOVIE: Drowning by Numbers (1988)
Naughty writer/director Peter Greenaway always has something wicked (and naked) up his cinematic sleeve. In his Drowning by Numbers, three married women - all named Cissie Colpitts - drown their husbands, one by one. The youngest Cissie, played by Joely Richardson, has perhaps the most seductive spouse drowning of them all, but don't pity David Morrissey, as there are worse ways to go than seeing Vanessa Redgrave's youngest daughter topless in a pool!
Naughty writer/director Peter Greenaway always has something wicked (and naked) up his cinematic sleeve. In his Drowning by Numbers, three married women - all named Cissie Colpitts - drown their husbands, one by one. The youngest Cissie, played by Joely Richardson, has perhaps the most seductive spouse drowning of them all, but don't pity David Morrissey, as there are worse ways to go than seeing Vanessa Redgrave's youngest daughter topless in a pool!
Photo: Film Four International
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MOVIE: Far From Home (1989)
Drew Barrymore was an incredible child actress who always seemed so wise beyond her years. We all knew she grew up too fast off-screen, but it appears that happened ON-screen too. Take her work in 1989's Far from Home, where she would have to be no older than 14 years of age when filming began (her character was 13 going on 14). Cavorting around in a bikini at a seedy desert trailer park is not the kind of place you want to draw attention, but it's hard for anyone to keep their eyes off of Drew, at any age. This movie marked Barrymore's first ever screen kiss.
Drew Barrymore was an incredible child actress who always seemed so wise beyond her years. We all knew she grew up too fast off-screen, but it appears that happened ON-screen too. Take her work in 1989's Far from Home, where she would have to be no older than 14 years of age when filming began (her character was 13 going on 14). Cavorting around in a bikini at a seedy desert trailer park is not the kind of place you want to draw attention, but it's hard for anyone to keep their eyes off of Drew, at any age. This movie marked Barrymore's first ever screen kiss.
Photo: Vestron Pictures
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MOVIE: Summer Job (1989)
This will be the first and probably last time in this decade that anyone draws any attention to this movie. They often say "they don't make them like they used to," and in some cases, they wouldn't bother to make movies today like they used to cause they are as dreadful as Summer Job is. But if you're a connoisseur of saucy 80s pool comedies, then I guess this would have to make the list. There's some flashing in the pan, just not a lot of sizzle... or a lot of anything. The only amazing thing about the movie is that it was shot in 35mm. Wonder if Christopher Nolan is pushing for its preservation???
This will be the first and probably last time in this decade that anyone draws any attention to this movie. They often say "they don't make them like they used to," and in some cases, they wouldn't bother to make movies today like they used to cause they are as dreadful as Summer Job is. But if you're a connoisseur of saucy 80s pool comedies, then I guess this would have to make the list. There's some flashing in the pan, just not a lot of sizzle... or a lot of anything. The only amazing thing about the movie is that it was shot in 35mm. Wonder if Christopher Nolan is pushing for its preservation???
Photo: Gormillion Studios
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MOVIE: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)
Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) cannot catch an aquatic break. Even his pool fantasies are interrupted disasters! So what if his Xmas Vacation didn't get fully X-rated. At least this time around he didn't get caught with his pants down (and underwear still on). His fantasy femme fatale was embodied by probably the second greatest Scorsese ever - Nicolette, who was Sean Penn's reality at the time.
Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) cannot catch an aquatic break. Even his pool fantasies are interrupted disasters! So what if his Xmas Vacation didn't get fully X-rated. At least this time around he didn't get caught with his pants down (and underwear still on). His fantasy femme fatale was embodied by probably the second greatest Scorsese ever - Nicolette, who was Sean Penn's reality at the time.
Photo: Warner Bros.
