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Gettin’ Jizzy With It: The Semen Scenes We Can’t Unsee

By Lea Palmieri @littleleap

Published Sep. 1, 2017, 9:00 p.m. ET

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Semen Scenes — Join us on a journey of jizz! Photo: Universal Pictures ; Illustration: Dillen Phelps

*Insecure* Season 2, Episode 6, "Hella Blows" Let's be honest, the most recent episode of *Insecure* was the entire inspiration for this list. Issa (Issa Rae) continues to hoe around in season 2 (you go girl), which leads to a very fateful blow job (ooh, sorry girl). She goes down on Daniel (Y'lan Noel) and works her magic so well that he finishes all over her face -- including in her eye. Seeing that man juice mass on her face was just as shocking for viewers as it was for her. Well, almost.HBO

Semen Scenes - There's Something About Mary — ***There's Something About Mary*** The most iconic semen scene of all time! Ben Stiller's Ted jerks it before his big date with Mary, but then he can't find the end result anywhere. Oh, but she does -- hanging from his ear. Mary mistakes it for "hair gel" and proceeds to give herself one of the most memorable, unfortunate hairstyles of all time. Twentieth Century Fox

Semen Scenes - American Pie — ***American Pie*** Party foul! After Kevin (Thomas Ian Nicholas) adds a "protein boost" to a beer cup in the bedroom, Stifler (Seann William Scott) later enters the room and gets a mouthful of something he wasn't quite planning on. If anyone was going to chug cum, we're just glad it was Stifler. Universal Pictures

Semen Scenes - Ted 2 — ***Ted 2*** Things go awry at a sperm bank, as they are known to do with this dirty talking stuffed animal, and Mark Whalberg finds himself drenched in jizz. And yes, it's as disgusting as it is funny. Universal Pictures

Semen Scenes - Y Tu Mama Tambien — ***Y Tu Mamá También*** Of course this sexy movie comes (pun intended) complete with a semen scene. You know, that thing when two bros lie around on diving boards and send their swimmers directly into the pool. That thing. Anhelo Producciones

Semen Scenes - Girls — *Girls* Season 2, Episode 9, "On All Fours" In one of the most controversial episodes of the entire HBO show's run, Adam (Adam Driver) finishes on Natalia's (Shiri Appleby) chest and, well, he leaves quite a mess.HBO

Semen Scenes - 40 Days and 40 Nights — ***40 Days And 40 Nights*** Well, that's the opposite of a clean load (of laundry, at least). While Josh Hartnett's character is all pent up with sexual energy (and juices, presumably) it is the metaphorical image in this dream sequence that says it all. Miramax

Semen Scenes - The Sweetest Thing — ***The Sweetest Thing*** This serves as not only a great (and super funny) semen scene, but one of the best and most mortifying dry cleaning scenes of all time. When Jane (Selma Blair) drops off a stained dress, it is inspected like never before, including licking and the company of the clergy. Just drop and run, girl. Sony Pictures

Semen Scenes - The Switch — ***The Switch*** Ok, so this one is less gross but much more frustrating. When Jennifer Aniston's Kassie is about to get knocked up with handsome Patrick Wilson's sperm, spazzy Jason Bateman goes and knocks it out of its cup and into the sink. Should it have been stored in a much more secure location, yes, of course. But the sperm he replaced in the cup did create the cutest darn kid, so not all sperm spills are bad news after all. Mandate Pictures

Semen Scenes - The Squid and The Whale — ***The Squid And The Whale*** Oh gosh, we should be encouraging people to take out books from the library! Not so much here, in a scene from Noah Baumbach's 2005 film that thoroughly explains how books get that sticky. Owen Kline's Frank Berkman is an angsty teen that retreats to the library only to rub up against the bookcase until he's all done, but spreads his goo all along a row of books. Rude. Sony Pictures

Where to Stream:

There's Something About Mary

Semen is simply a part of life — none of us would be here without it! But it’s also caused some of the stickiest, funniest, and most disgusting pop culture moments of our time. You’re gonna want to put on a raincoat for this stroll down movie memory lane.

We’re reminiscing about all the unfortunate (and ridiculous) sperm spills that made us gag in between laughs. In fact, we’re even honoring an HBO comedy (or two!) that inspired this list. Remember to always wear protective eyewear when going down on a gentleman.

From pools to public library books, there’s quite an array of locations these loads have landed in some of your favorite TV shows and movies. Some fun facts: it took a season 2 episode of Girls to find out exactly where HBO will draw the line, and Cameron Diaz appears in not just one, but two of the films included on this list.

Comedies have routinely turned to the spunk for gross-outs and jokes alike, from high school bros to grown women to America’s favorite dirty talking teddy bear. These are the TV shows and movies that have shone the spotlight on this bodily function in a way we’ll never, ever forget.

Where to watch There's Something About Mary