Fun
Frisky
Nostalgic
Intense
Adventurous
Choked Up
Curious
Romantic
Weird
Things were simpler in the 1980s, especially in the movies. Heroes and villains were easy to tell apart, and even if the good guys had their faults, you never felt guilty rooting for them. Plotlines were relatively straightforward and you didn’t finish a movie questioning what happened or whether it happened at all. Science fiction, fantasy and horror still had that sense of wonder that made you look up to the sky or under the bed in search of dark mysteries and hidden powers. Even if the world was a scary place, we understood it.
Perhaps that’s the allure of Stranger Things, one of Netflix’s breakout series of 2016 (and whose second season debuted today), and pays blatant homage to classic Reagan-era sci-fi and thrillers. Among the many movies the series liberally borrows from is the little lauded third installment of a famed horror franchise, Halloween III: Season Of The Witch, which is currently streaming on Starz. While HIII is not a great movie per se, it’s still a lot of fun, and shares many attributes with the decades more celebrated sci-fi and horror films.
After creating the 1978 horror classic Halloween and its 1981 sequel, both of which featured sororicidal serial killer Michael Myers, creator John Carpenter decided to reboot the entire franchise. His aim was to turn Halloween into a horror anthology series; each installment having its own distinct storyline, with the only connection being they all took place around Halloween. Enlisting a team of writers, most of whom would end up un-credited due to differences with the final movie, Halloween III toyed with the holiday’s roots as the Celtic pagan festival of Samhain, and blended it with such modern terrors as robots and subliminal messaging.
Here’s the general gist of Halloween III – brace yourself because it’s a doozy; Irish-American businessman Conal Cochran runs Silver Shamrock Novelties, renowned for their Halloween masks. Unfortunately, their masks have one serious defect; when you watch the company’s insanely annoying TV commercial with the mask on a microchip on the back made with shards from one of the stolen monoliths from Stonehenge makes you collapse and die while crickets and cockroaches and rattlesnakes pour out of your mouth. Rather than issuing a product recall, Cochran plans to synchronize a nation-wide sacrifice of little kids on Halloween night to help usher in a new golden age of witchcraft because he’s actually an ancient Celtic warlock. Oh yeah, and in order to help him achieve these goals, he’s enlisted an army of smart-dressed killer robots in suits who vomit tapioca pudding when you kill them.
The only thing standing in Silver Shamrock’s way are power couple Dr. Dan Challis, played by b-movie veteran Tom Atkins, and hot young sidekick Ellie Grimbridge, played by Stacey Nelkin. Challis is a boozy divorced dad and Grimbridge is drawn to the case after one of the robots plays pattyfingers with her Dad’s brain inside Challis’ hospital. They head up to the Silver Shamrock factory after realizing her Dad went there to pick up a shipment of masks before being killed. On the way they research the company’s home base of Santa Mira, California, a “proud,” “predominantly Irish” community where Cochran set up shop and uses the local populace, all of whom have brogues, to keep an eye on outsiders. You know this movie’s old because being Irish still seemed exotic and foreign.
Despite having known each other for less than a day and having zero chemistry, Ellie and Challis almost immediately get it on after the Doctor delivers the sexy pickup line, “It’s getting late. I need a drink.” This gives the filmmakers a chance to indulge in some gratuitous ‘80s almost-nudity and they also throw in some gratuitous ‘80s gore for good measure, when another of Challis’ friends with benefits gets a power drill to the head after she starts snooping on Cochran. The killer robots then kidnap Ellie. Challis follows them to the factory and gets captured, which gives Cochran a chance to show off his new exploding snake mouth masks and lecture him about the history Halloween, going back 3,000 year to when “The hills ran red with the blood of animals and children.”
Challis, of course, escapes, blows up the factory, and rescues Ellie. However, bad news, she’s actually a killer robot now. Let’s just say that killed their relationship. The movie ends with Challis frantically calling television stations telling them not to air the Silver Shamrock commercial, as it plays in the background, it’s simple “London Bridge Is Falling Down” melody driving a hole into your head. The final shot of Challis screaming over the phone “YOU’VE GOT TO STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IiiiiTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!” is something straight out of a ‘50s sci-fi movie or The Twilight Zone.
Having zero to do with the original movies, and, quite frankly, not being able to overcome some giant plot holes, Halloween III: Season Of The Witch was a critical failure and a disappointment at the box office. However, it’s a better movie than it gets credit for and carries all the hallmarks of a classic ‘80s sc-fi horror thriller. While the cheap computer graphics of the opening credits are pure kitsch, John Carpenter’s excellent original soundtrack features cold wave synth stabs and percolating drum machine rhythms, adding to the underlying sense of dread. It’s a very ‘80s fear; that something is happening under our noses but no one can see the horror for what it is, an allusion perhaps to the creeping conservatism of Ronald Reagan’s America. Perhaps it’s a psychotic family member, or a homicidal neighbor, or in this case, an innocuous novelty company which is actually an ancient Hibernian witch coven using computer technology to create a New World Order of black magic and immaculately dressed killer robots.
Benjamin H. Smith is a New York based writer, producer and musician who didn’t go see ‘Halloween III’ in the theaters when it came out because his friend Greg said it sucked. Boy, was he wrong. Follow him on Twitter:@BHSmithNYC.
