‘Outlander’ Season 3, Episode 12, “The Bakra”: The Five Things We NEED To Talk About

The return of Geillis Duncan flummoxed me like you wouldn’t believe. Like, I knew vaguely she was set to return, but I also totally forgot about it. So when we see her emerge, butt first, from a literal bathtub full of blood, I was losing my mind. Heck, I thought I had already lost it.

Remember when Geillis was just this weird neighbor that Claire had? She had a sort of impish giggle and she was super into collecting herbs. She had a rich, old husband she was slowly poisoning for fun? You know, she was quirky, but in a fun way. And now she’s living on an estate in Jamaica, bathing in blood, feeding cake to her sex slaves, and feverishly trying to use magic and prophesy to bring a king back to Scotland.

I like to think I’m game for Outlander‘s plot twists. I like to go with the narrative flow, so to speak. But this is some bonkers shit, y’all. Need I remind you: SHE BATHES IN BLOOD.

In my notes for this episode, at about 10 minutes in, I typed in frantic all caps: “SHE FUCKS VIRGIN BOYS AND THEN KILLS THEM”

Am I wrong? When Young Ian asks Geillis what she does with all the young lads brought her way, she admits to it. Worse, there’s this suggestion early on in the episode that she likes them very young, which is gross and vile in so many ways.

I don’t know how I feel about how the show has turned Geillis into a caricature of evil. On the one hand, Verbeek is killing it. She’s not just bathing in blood; she’s soaking in the melodrama of it all. Also the show is approaching all this with a fair amount of self-awareness. Every cheesy villain line is delivered with a cinematic wink. But then, why? Why do we need all this?  I suppose Outlander could use a good big bad now that Black Jack is gone, but I like the show better when it’s about the relationships.

Again, I’m just totally shocked that she literally said she sleeps with virgin boys and then kills them. That’s…a lot.

Okay, so almost immediately after flailing about the blood baths and the virgin sex slaves and the insanity of the sapphire magic trick, I came to the sobering realization that Roger is a direct descendent of this woman. Let that sink in. Canonically, Roger Wakefield MacKenzie, fan of history books, Dark Shadows, and tweed, is a direct blood relative of Geillis “CRAZYPANTS” Duncan-Abernathy. Sweet Roger, dear Roger, darling nerd Roger has some of this woman’s blood in him.

I am, as the kids say, shook.

In the midst of the plotting and the horror, it turns out that Geillis Duncan is also fast with the quips.

Did you see that coming? Once again, I did not see it coming.

First she greets Claire with a quote from Casablanca. It’s a wise choice because it acts as a sort of secret code. Only the two women from the 20th Century can possibly know about the popular 1940s flick. It’s clever and kicky and I rather liked it.

But then — OH MAN — she pulls an Amy Sherman-Palladino and makes a really on point pop culture joke. As Margaret’s brother explains the prophecy (that is clearly about Brianna), she dings him with a Benjamin Button zinger. Geillis knows her F. Scott Fitzgerald! Wow, lady, if you didn’t absolutely terrify me right down through the core of my being, I would want to get cocktails with you sometime.

Alas, you’re insane.

Lord John Grey is back! And he summed up my feelings about Geillis best when he declared: “She’s a touch strange, isn’t she?”

Bless you, Lord John Grey. You are literally the one character on this show who is reacting to everything happening in the exact same way I would. You are precious and we must keep you safe.

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