‘Riverdale:’ Betty’s Weird, Sexy Striptease Was The Craziest TV Moment Of 2017

It’s time to check-in with The CW’s maple syrup-scented fever dream of a series known as Riverdale. If you’ve never had the pleasure of watching the teen drama, it’s basically the TV equivalent of throwing copious amounts of Red Bull, NyQuil, and late 19th century scurvy medication into a blender, downing it in one triumphant gulp, and writing a TV show for 150 consecutive hours. I love this silly, wonderful series because absolutely anything goes. It’s defiantly weird and unlike anything else on television and earth in general.

Today, we’re going to discuss a moment from last week’s episode, “Chapter Twenty-One: House of the Devil.” The episode revolves around a motorcycle gang retirement party for Jughead’s dad, F.P. Jones, who just had his probable 20-year prison sentence reduced to a couple of weeks due to an arcane legal loophole known as an apology. Amidst the normal amount of ho-hum insanity a typical episode of Riverdale delivers, “House of the Devil” gifted fans with the craziest TV moment of 2017: Betty’s biker bar striptease to “Mad World.”

There’s just so much to unpack in this three-minute slice of delirium. First, it’s not as random as it appears. Earlier in the episode, Betty learns that a sexy pole dance/striptease is the unofficial initiation for a female wanting to join the Serpents. Despite Jughead being vehemently against Betty aligning herself with the disreputable biker gang, as well as just general common sense, Betty is apparently charmed by these snakes.

As previously stated, the setting is a motorcycle gang retirement party for Jughead’s dad. Naturally, Archie decides a group of half-drunk renegade bikers is the perfect audience for a sullen duet of the Donnie Darko version of “Mad World.” Inexplicably, Archie isn’t wrong. The bar full of rowdy adults who have been repeatedly referred to as the scourge of Riverdale give these two teens their undivided attention and are immediately entranced by their performance. But there’s a problem. Archie and Veronica are in the middle of a lover’s tiff because Veronica didn’t reciprocate Archie’s declaration of love. During their performance, the two become overpowered by the emotional gravitas of the moment and run off the stage, proving once and for all that love truly is a battlefield.

The surprisingly pro somber karaoke crowd begins to boo, validating that the nightlife in Riverdale is absolute garbage.

This leads to Betty jumping on stage to gallantly continue the song, which evolves into a striptease. A couple of things:

1. Betty absolutely pre-planned her pole dance. She mentions that she has a “surprise” for Jughead and wore striptease-friendly lingerie under her traditional Sweet Valley High meets Nancy Drew attire. A young woman intelligent enough to solve a murder mystery and run (I guess?) a newspaper was like, “The best time to endear myself to a rebel motorcycle gang via striptease is tonight. At my boyfriend’s dad’s retirement party. With my mom in attendance.”

2. Betty, a teenager, is performing a striptease for a bar full of adults. Everyone is okay with this. Is the Black Hood the hero of this story?

3. What was Betty’s initial plan? Archie and Veronica bolting from the stage due to having TOO MANY EMOTIONS gave her the perfect opportunity to perform. What would’ve happened if Arch and V finished their song? Would she have hopped up on stage and sing-whispered, “And also this…”

4. General note going forward: More Sweet Pea reaction shots, please.

5. Betty clearly isn’t singing “Mad World” for most of her performance. Does this means that before the party, Archie, Veronica, and Betty pre-recorded themselves singing the song in order to enhance their live performance? I also love how these four are the best journalists, detectives, outlaw bikers, and singers in town. As always, the adults of Riverdale succcccck.

6. You gotta love Alice Cooper’s reaction to her daughter’s dance.

“The one time I bring my teenage daughter to an outlaw biker bar this happens!?”

The scene ends with Jug’s dad thanking Betty for stripping at his retirement party, followed by the audience giving her a round of applause. Sure!

Honestly, I respect Riverdale’s unflinching commitment to blistering absurdity. If Archie’s dad would have popped in after Betty’s dance and been like, “Also, I’m a vampire now,” I would’ve been like, “Sure! That tracks!” Riverdale truly is a very, very…

Other insane moments from this act. Not even the entire episode! Just this act:

1. Alice Copper walking into the bar like she just left an audition for “Girl Number 3” in a ’80s Bon Jovi music video. 

“Your love is like baaaaad medicine! 
Bad medicine is what I need, whooooa!”

2. Hey, Arch. Passive aggressive much?

As stated above, the Archie/Veronica drama stems from Archie telling Veronica he loves her and V not saying it back. In a rare moment of adulthood, Archie, who usually has the brains and emotional maturity of a burnt Hot Pocket, delivers this surprisingly sweet speech to Veronica:

“I just want you to know. What I said? That was about me and what I was feeling in that specific moment, and you shouldn’t feel any pressure to say it back to me.”

Nice, right? Literally ten seconds later he follows it up with this:

“I signed us up for a duet. That Donnie Darko song you love… or hopefully strongly like at least. Or can you not do that either?”

Despite being as dumb as a barrel of expired, Jingle Jangle-infused maple syrup, Archie continues to be the one character on Riverdale who acts like an actual teenager.

3. Parental discretion ill-advised. 

Pretty neat that all the terrible, terrible, terrible parents of Riverdale are cool with their teens hanging out at the epicenter of mayhem known as the Serpent biker bar.

4. Jughead Jones: Badass

So… you just took a stroll around the bar? This is the way a seven-year-old accidentally promoted to police chief would talk. What does this mean? And by this I mean life.

5. The bartender’s name is Hog Eye. 

Alright. That’s going to do it for me. I’m out. Have a nice rest of the day, everyone!

Stream Riverdale’s “House of the Devil” on The CW’s website.

RELATED: Shower Sex And Jingle Jangle: The Most Insane Moments of ‘Riverdale’ Season 2 (So Far!)

Where to stream Riverdale