‘Jessica Jones’ Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Mommy Fearest

In a total upset of the Traumatic Maternal Preakness, Dorothy Walker was lapped in the fourth quarter by dark horse and late contender, Queens of Wigs, AKA Destroyers of Pianos and Aquariums, Mother of Unholy Strength and…JESSICA JONES?

Wha-Wha-Whaaaaaaa?

Sorry, yikes, that was just Malcolm interrupting with the sound he made in his head when Trish went into battle mode with her tongue. And yo, side-bar: is no one noticing Trish’s total descent into Simpson territory? I mean, we’ve all been there, but this is former Power Couple Trish Walker we’re talking about here! Two weeks ago she was proposed to by perfectly perfect Griffin Last Name, who–unless he was Option A in a RomCom where Option B was a rugged, all-wrong-for-her-in-all-the-right-ways Adam Driver type who pushed her buttons but showed her why the safe choice wasn’t really the heart’s choice*– and has since downward spiraled into a tabloid trainwreck. The sudden fascination with AK47s and vigilantism? The violent bus confrontations and the impromptu rage-outs at country clubs ending in strung-out vomit seshes?

(*Not the case.) (*Though I would definitely see that movie!)

This isn’t to say that Malcolm and Jessica aren’t dealing with their own ish at the moment, but just add the letter T people, and it’s not hard to remember who is always there to help them when Alias Investigations is in over their head. Or just, you know, generally feeling glum. Or need someone to bail them out of jail. Or talk about them on the radio. Trish Walker (or hey, Trish TALKER? Just saying. Call me, Jack Kirby. I’ve got some new suit ideas…) has always had a sixth sense for her friends needing help, be it physical, mental, emotional, or…super-y? Is that a type? Trish is like Claire Temple, but without the nurse practitioner training. She’s there to help those in need. So it really sucks that her own transformation into into Hellcat (which, despite its badass name, is just as toothless as Patsy herself, don’t worry) will have to be gone alone. Well, alone until one of her so-called friends or relatives picks up on her strung-out behavior, gives her a stern finger wagging before a late in the game save by the newly revitalized Pussy from Hell.

Which, by the way, would be a perfect nickname for Mrs. Jones, if you were nasty. Seriously, I don’t know why we’re still so pissed at Dr. Karl for, you know, SAVING JESSICA’S MOM’S LIFE, or why Jessica’s mom was so mad at her daughter for not being more grateful about her own life being saved, when this whole thing could have been cleared up with a “Heeeey, guess what?! We’re both alive and we have super-powers and isn’t it a miracle?! I mean, yeah, dad and your brother are probably, definitely still dead, unless we can find that kid who can bring them back to life by touching them, because this show is basically Heroes now, right? Also, why was I operating on you again? Is this like the riddle where I turn and say ‘I can’t operate on this patient…He’s my SON?‘ Wait, am I even a surgeon? Wait, why am I bald? Why do we have the same powers? Do I know more information than you? Has Dr. Karl been Kilgraving me this whole time? If so, does that mean Malcolm is technically smart enough to get into a Kilgrave-level academy? Daughter, I have so many questions for you, but the first being this: can I touch your hair? Please?”

Anywhoozle, that’s a LOT to get through for next time, including the whole “Jeri could get her ALS cured via some special boy, where Jessica will put Oscar’s creepy painting of her asleep and just where Justis Ambrose will get a new set of four irons,” but I’m sure those pressing issues will be addressed immediately. It’s not like there aren’t seven episodes left to go.

Drew Grant is an editor, writer and YA novelist living in Los Angeles. Formerly the Arts & Entertainment editor at The New York Observer, Drew also founded the brand’s television vertical, tvDownload. Currently, she is managing editor at RealClearLife.com. Her passions involve watching TV, writing about TV and interviewing people on TV. At Oberlin College, she once taught a class on Twin Peaks, and that’s pretty cool. Previous bylines: Salon.com, Cosmopolitan, Maxim, and Gotham Magazine. Twitter and Instagram: @Videodrew.

Watch Jessica Jones Season 2 Episode 6 ("AKA Facetime") on Netflix