That ‘Drag Race’ Finale Proves the ‘All Stars’ Format Is Broke AF

That cacophonous crash you heard last night was the sound of RuPaul’s Drag Race: All Stars breaking in a spectacular fashion. The Drag Race spinoff wherein previously eliminated queens return for a truncated competition for one more chance to join the illustrious Hall of Fame wrapped up its third season, crowning the latest entrant into Drag Race herstory and sending every viewer with a Twitter account (so, every viewer) into a tweeting tizzy. Instead of just tiptoeing around the final results, I’m gonna get straight into SPOILER territory. You’re here, you’re reading this. You already know or you want to know.

The winner was who I wanted to win all along: Trixie Mattel. I’m a Tennessee gay with a reverence for Dolly Parton, so I love Trixie. So I shouldn’t be complaining, right? Nope! It’s Friday morning, my take is still scorching, and I am ready to read. I wanted Trixie to win but, as I tweeted…

(I’m also a comic book gay, and all you other comic book gays know what I’m talking about re: that Hawkeye moment)

In all the seasons of Drag Race, I have never felt literally gagged and literally gagged at the same time. The joy I wanted to feel over Trixie winning was completely torpedoed by the all-encompassing sad-mads I felt for Shangela.

To sum up for those that are reading this instead of watching the episode, the finale opened up with a final four consisting of Trixie, Shangela, Kennedy Davenport, and BeBe Zahara Benet. Those four were put up in front of a tribunal consisting of the six eliminated All Stars queens, who voted on a top two. Trixie and Kennedy got those votes, and they then competed in a lipsync (to Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball,” five years too late?) for Ru to determine a winner. Ru chose Trixie.

That was a bit of a surprise, TBH, as Kennedy is known as the Dancing Diva of Texas and Trixie is known for, well, her words not her moves. But after doing just fine in previous lipsyncs, Ms. Mattel actually upped her game by incorporating some tricks (a well-timed costume reveal!) and some theatricality (well-timed pulling out clumps her hair!), while Kennedy did the always impressive kicks and flips she’s known for. Trixie won, a deserved win considering A. how beloved she is by fans, B. her outside-of-Drag-Race-success, and (most importantly) C. her underdog-to-top-dog evolution during All Stars 3.

Again, no complaints. And also, I gotta say, no shade to Kennedy either. Kennedy is emphatically her own kind of queen, mixing pageant regality with unmatched physical ferocity. Kennedy can storm and stomp a stage like no one else, and then turn a look where a chandelier is glued to her face. She’s great. All Stars 3 ain’t broke because of her.

All Stars 3 is broke AF because of what the format, a change-up from Season 2’s game-twisting change-up, did to Shangela. Shangela. Was. Robbed. This is the hill I am writing from.

Shangela and Trixie were the top two queens, definitely after BenDeLaCreme pulled herself out of the competition just a breath away from the finish line. But instead of letting mother Ru make that final decision, the show allowed the eliminated sisters to make the call, thus turning the entire season into the one thing it has definitely not been: this ain’t RuPaul’s Best Friend Race!

We don’t know who voted against Shangela or for Kennedy. We may never know (although fingers crossed some Reddit sleuthers are sleuthing (UPDATE: No need for Reddit, the votes were officially ruvealed!)). But Shangela did send two queens home (Thorgy Thor and Morgan McMichaels), so odds are she didn’t win friends then. And no edit could hide the fact that Shangela has to be A Lot to deal with in the workroom. Think of all the “halleloos” that don’t make it into the show! And what I would not give for a mastercut of other queens trying to make sense of Shangie’s extended Game of Thrones metaphor. Kennedy is grumpy as hell (what I would not give for a drag special titled How the Kennedy Stole Christmas), but she’s also real as hell. The way she spoke about how fans and her peers underestimate went straight to my heart. But how much should workroom politics play into the competition? Should how well you play with others factor in at all? Being loathed sure didn’t hurt Drag Race Season 2 winner Tyra Sanchez! This was a competition, and T.B.H., Shangela was a better competitor. Period. Putting her fate in the hands of queens whose interpretation of her merit was wildly inconsistent just feels…. wrong. It feels wrong because this Shangela shut-out perpetuates one of the most frustrating things about this franchise, IMO: Drag Race has a Shangela problem.

After getting voted out in the first episode of Drag Race proper Season 2, Shangela came back for Season 3 and made it to the top 6–no easy feat, but one that queens continually forgot to recognize in every subsequent season. Shangela became a running joke (not helped by the fact that Shangela was in on the joke when she was wheeled into the workroom in the Season 4 premiere for a gag). Every season features a dig on apparently the only memorable thing about Shangela: she was on two seasons, back to back. Shangela’s All Star return gave her the opportunity to rewrite her record–and lord, did she!

The edit made it clear from the get-go that Shangela should be a top two queen, as Shangela’s talking head became the de facto voice of God all season long (if God had an HBO Now password). But there were things no editor could deny. No other queen is as well-rounded as Shangela. From her talent show performance to her Fox live musical “Kitty Girls” number, Shangela served Beyonce realness like a pro. She slayed in “Snatch Game” and that raunchy girl-comedy trailer. Her looks were on point every week (That snowglobe? The inflatable spike monstrosity?!). She got compliments on her improved padding and makeup. Sure, she still can’t sew, but she can do literally everything else. Shangela may be grating in those one-on-one interviews, but her best-all-around talent is undeniable no matter who is in the edit bay.

And she didn’t make the top two. After winning three challenges and only being in the bottom twice (Kennedy won once and was in the bottom four times). I wasn’t expecting this to be as heartbreaking as it was, but it really gutted me because it’s so painfully obvious that Shangela is a damn hard worker–and it’s obvious that that hard work slays off. She got to show the world what she’s capable of in win after win, but didn’t get to the top two because of… who knows why (get on it, sleuthers!).

There needs to be a change for the inevitable All Stars 4. The lip-sync-for-your-legacy bit may be tired, as my Decider Drag Race brother-in-arms Joe Reid previously pointed out. But this twist, wherein the eliminated queens get to let their personal biases and/or grudges affect the outcome, is totally turd city. It turned the show into RuPaul’s Best Friend Race, and nobody wants that.

Where to stream RuPaul's Drag Race: All Stars