‘A Suitable Girl’ Sheds Light On The Unequal Sacrifices Women In Arranged Marriages Are Required To Make

Arranged marriage has always had shades of reality for me. As a second-generation Indian-American, I am the physical embodiment of a successful one: my own parents took part in the Indian tradition before immigrating to the United States in the 1980s. People often gawk at the idea of a wedding being based on anything except love, but the reality for many in India is a union based on family/community matches and an occasional dabble into astrology.

For women (especially in the more rural areas of India), marriage is viewed as the ultimate goal — above education and careers — and is the primary measure of success in a girl’s life. It’s this patriarchal aspect of the practice that is the subject of the moving documentary A Suitable Girl, which hits Amazon Prime today after premiering at the Tribeca Film Festival last year where it won the Albert Maysles Best New Documentary Director award.

A Suitable Girl quite literally discusses a girl’s suitability and merits as a potential spouse, splitting its attention between three girls (Dipti, Ritu and Amrita), each of whom buy into the cultural norm to varying degrees. Dipti, buoyant and contagiously optimistic, is by far the most ready to tie the knot, while Ritu and Amrita are less willing to give up their careers in favor of marriage. Ritu is ultimately swayed into agreement by her matchmaking mom Seema but manages to hold onto her professional aspirations; Amrita’s love marriage plays against stereotype when she sacrifices her career after settling into her new family.

In an interview with Decider, co-directors Sarita Khurana and Smriti Mundhra spoke about the delicate approach they took in tackling a subject that is often fraught with pre-existing opinions and judgment. “We found that [arranged marriage] has its own logic. It’s not necessarily better or worse than a love marriage, which also has its own logic and can be very patriarchal,” Khurana said. “[A Suitable Girl] doesn’t claim to speak for the entire country … it doesn’t even speak for the entire middle class. It’s about these three girls and their stories.”  

A Suitable Girl is truly remarkable in its non-judgmental approach to the topic, though the filmmakers are still grappling with aspects of the tradition. “What I still don’t agree [with] is that it requires women to sacrifice the most,” Khurana said. “[They] are required to move, to give up their careers, to take on the norms of the family they’re marrying into.” The documentary presents these facts without question: all three girls’ families are actively worried about having unmarried daughters, all of the girls eventually move away from their families after marriage, and they all sacrifice some aspect of their professional ambitions. But in the end, they all ultimately agree to the terms of their marriages.

The film doesn’t take the obvious route of “good vs. bad” in regards to the practice as a whole; instead, Khurana and Mundhra approach the topic from a personal point of view, and A Suitable Girl is striking in its generous storytelling, shedding light on the unequal sacrifices that girls are required to make in a marriage and focusing on the diminished female agency within Indian unions.

Filmed over four years in India, each of the three stories packs a distinct emotional punch. Dipti’s experience subtly speaks to some antiquated expectations around female appearance, specifically as some avenues she pursues lead to rejection based on her weight and age. Ritu holds steadfast to her standards, not giving into the summons of marriage until finding someone whose values matched hers. But Amrita’s trajectory felt the most harrowing of them all, unable to go to work due to caretaking duties in the home; the one love marriage of the bunch ends up feeling the most stifling.

One of the more heart-shattering images comes during Amrita’s wedding, where a look of complete fear takes over before tears begin to fall. While the filmmakers can’t read minds, Mundhra offered her own explanation of the days’ events: “I don’t think it was regret or wanting to run away, it was realization that this means sacrifice. … I think any major transition in life comes with some excitement and some fear and some longing for what you’re leaving behind.” In the end it seems like Amrita is leaving a lot behind, caring for the elders in her new family and adjusting to a housewife life that she hadn’t imagined for herself.

As India evolves, the growth could render itself as a clash between older traditions and values and modernized norms. There’s a reconciliation to be had, and Khurana and Mundhra are careful and measured in their approach to the topic, noting how “the institution is going to keep morphing and adapting and adjusting to the times [because] Indian culture is so flexible and can absorb so much.” Their portrait of arranged marriage isn’t painted by dull philosophies of child brides or unwilling participants, but rather offers insight into how important Indian values like family compatibility and community acceptance have evolved over time.

Being set in modern-day India, A Suitable Girl firmly chooses to not be about an ancient practice that no one in their right mind would pursue by showing how the process itself has adapted to the 21st century. Whether through matchmaking services or courtship periods that resemble dating, the arranged marriage of today is less rigid and is only as “arranged” as a blind date set up by your mom. The end result is a documentary that is simultaneously inquisitive, critical of, and loving toward the complexities of societal expectations alongside an evolving world, and will genuinely open your eyes to the layers of a tradition that aren’t typically peeled back.

Radhika Menon (@menonrad) is a TV-obsessed writer living in New York City. Her work has appeared on The TV Addict, Brown Girl Magazine, Breadcrumbs Mag and Syndicated Magazine. At any given moment, she can ruminate at length over Friday Night Lights, the University of Michigan, and the perfect slice of pizza. You may call her Rad.

Watch A Suitable Girl on Amazon Prime Video