‘Ghostbusters’ Is a Low-Key Dan Aykroyd Thirst Trap

When it comes to Ghostbusters, there’s no shortage of #hottakes. That’s especially true in recent years, when the online convo around one of my all-time favorite movies got disgustingly toxic. But I’m not here to dwell on negativity (but also I have to say, if you object to the idea that women can bust ghosts, full stop, buh-bye). I’m here to talk about another side of Ghostbusters–a sexy side.

Don’t act like those Ghostbuster boys aren’t hot! Obviously Bill Murray’s supernatural swagger makes Venkman a stud, and there’s no denying that Ernie Hudson’s Winston is the hands-down handsomest of the bunch. And I know puh-lenty of people that carry a torch for Harold Ramis’ Twinkie-loving scientist Egon (#geekchic). But you know, I rarely, possibly never hear anyone stumping for who I consider to be the hottest Ghostbuster: Ray Stantz. And it being Dan Aykroyd’s birthday (pop open a skull today and drink its vodka in his honor!), I’m here to fix that.

Ghostbusters is a low-key Dan Aykroyd thirst trap, and I am here for it.

First, Dan Aykroyd is hot. Period. Fact. Just because people that aren’t me never talk about it doesn’t make it not true! You bet I just busted out a quadruple negative, Dan Aykroyd has me that worked up. Just look at this hunk of a cutie in the Saturday Night Live opening credits in 1976:

Swipe right, am I right? No seriously, am I right? I was with my now husband before Tinder became a thing.

Anyway, now that I’ve proven that Aykroyd was a stealth hottie throughout the ’70s (just GOOGLE IT), let’s talk about Ghostbusters, the 1984 comedy classic that proved that busting ghosts makes you feel good and cemented Dan Aykroyd as a certifiable hottie.

Ray Stantz is thoroughly a babe. The guy is Grade-A boyfriend material, no questions asked. You know Venkman’s kind of a creep (a creep I love, but also don’t hit on the women you’re running psychic experiments on!), and you know Spengler thinks only about his job (I’m thirsty for Ray just like Janine’s thirsty for Egon, not that he noticed). There’s actually nothing at all wrong with unsung hero Winston Zeddemore. If I had to stretch, I’d say it seems like Winston’s seen some shit (how is he so unfazed by ghosts?!) and has no qualms about packing up and heading out when things get rough. But that’s a stretch. Winston’s great.

And then there’s Ray–sweet, smart, goofball Ray. He has everything you could ever want in a man: he’s smart AF, and he’s a bundle of positivity. No one else on the Ghostbusters crew gets as giddy when encountering slime as Ray does. He loves his job, he knows his shit, and he feels his emotions proudly. This is a guy that loves the little things in life–and this is never on display better than when he freaks out upon seeing the firehouse for the first time.

Coincidentally, that’s 100% what I would say to Ray, were we a few drinks in and hitting it off on a first date.

Ray’s personality is a winner, but now I gotta talk about Stantz’s style. Throughout the movie, Ray serves up the fiercest professorial eleganza this side of Vampire Weekend.

Turn it out, Ray! Can’t nobody tell me that Aykroyd ain’t filling out those khakis and sport coats to their maximum potential. Again, a triple negative and I actually don’t know what that last sentence means; these outfits have me swooning so hard I can’t think straight. Pun. Intended.

Obviously Ray’s definitive look is not his put together softer-side-of-Sears ’80s realness. It’s his Ghostbusters uniform, and boy howdy, does he wear it well!

Look how happy he is to be on the job! Listen. I was in my 20s once, too. I get how appealing Venkman’s cooler-than-everything ‘tude is. I was into those guys something fierce a decade ago. Once you get into your 30s, though, you just want a nice guy like Ray who is proud of the work he does and loves smiling–and you also want a man that’s not afraid to accessorize. Ray’s the only one who tops off his spook-spooking look with Ecto Googles!

Also, like any good drag queen, Ray knows how to find his light and make it work to his advantage. And who needs one of those selfie ring lights when you have the luminescence of the demon-god Gozer?

Stunning!

Okay, before I get to my final point, I have to get this out of the way because it’s probably the thing you’ve been waiting for me to address: Ray gets a blowjob from a ghost.

This was part of a deleted scene that was repurposed as part of a dream sequence. Yeah, they cut the scene but figured out a way to keep that ghost BJ in the movie! This is… it’s weird! It’s not sexy, because Ray makes cross-eyes like a pervy Looney Tune! Moving on!

If you’re still not thirsty for Aykroyd, let’s talk about all the smoking. Real talk: I find smoking to be disgusting. I actually have a quasi-severe reaction to prolonged exposure to cigarette smoke. It’s no good, IMO. But. More real talk: I cannot deny how the already-adorable Ray increases his sexiness tenfold by lighting up. Come on!

Come ooooon, honey!

This is the one thing that gives Ray an edge. He’s a total boy scout with food mascots on his mind except for this one vice–this one hot vice. Smoking is bad. Don’t smoke. But if you’re going to smoke, be Dan Aykroyd in 1984’s Ghostbusters.

I don’t know what else to say. Obviously I was right about Aykroyd’s total gorgeousness before writing this article, and obviously I’m even more right now that I’ve written 1000ish words about it. I know you’re convinced. I know you’ll never look at this bright-eyed man-of-action the same way again. And because we’re all in agreement, I’ll leave you with the absolute sexiest moment in all of Ghostbusters.

Thirstin’ makes me feel good.

Where to stream Ghostbusters