‘Southern Charm’ Finale Recap: Ashley Jacobs Has Been Dropping ‘Pretty Woman’ Hints All Season

Last night’s Southern Charm season 5 finale gave us one last terrible taste of Ashley (well, before the reunion) and it was even more enlightening and dramatic than expected, if that’s even possible at this point.

When Kathryn shared with Naomie that she’d been tipped off on Instagram that Thomas’s girlfriend Ashley Jacobs just might be an escort, Naomie’s eyes widened in shock. However, those of us at home probably laughed and thought, “Yeah, that’s about right.” It quickly became the central drama of Patricia’s Winter Wonderland formal, with Austen being the one to deliver the news to Thomas as the other tables gossiped about it over dinner. Thomas brushed off as “not true” and “absurd,” but there was no actual denial, only a deflection from Ashley.

And as I thought back on this season, I realized Ashley’s been dropping hints that she’s an escort the whole time.

I know, sometimes rumors are just rumors, but also sometimes they’re the cold, hard truth. And this one has been the first piece of information that would make any sense about who this woman is and where she came from.

Remember that shopping trip with Patricia, you know the one where Thomas took care of the bill for over $10k? It was when they tried to class her up via her clothing, calling her previous look too “California.” But when she references Pretty Woman, Patricia is quick to shut her down. Whoops, can’t give it away just yet!

And that’s not the only parallel. Ashley’s earned a reputation as a “polo rat,” likely where she met Thomas when he was out playing the horse sport in Santa Barbara last spring. Cut to just a couple of episodes ago when she was the only one clapping at Thomas’s polo match, pretending to pay attention and trying to fit in with the crowd. Fans of ’90s rom-coms will remember Edward and Vivian’s key polo scene in Pretty Woman as well.

Which brings us to last night’s attire. The red, off the shoulder dress with white gloves? Ashley is sending us Morse code messages through her wardrobe at this point. And this is no disrespect to actual escorts, who are probably much nicer and better at their jobs than she’s been.

I’ll give her credit for being prepared: busting out a prop card that was likely just a DSW rewards card, as it definitely wasn’t a library card or probably one that proved she was an actual nurse either. She had references to Austen’s sister locked and loaded, a sensitive subject as it is, and when it came to Kathryn, she spared no terrible remark, repeatedly flinging the words “baby mama” in her direction.

And yet! Ashley wasn’t even the worst part of this episode, somehow. That award goes to Jennifer Snowden. How she scurried her way into the formal event remains unknown, but she made everyone quite aware how desperately she was drooling to be back on the show by befriending and defending Ashley and inserting herself into any moment where a voice was raised. Jennifer has not once over five seasons contributed anything of worth to this show. She’s been a fake friend and an instigator and a completely useless waste of camera time. Next season, let’s go with 100% less Jennifer and 100% more of Wilson, Naomie’s roommate, who did everything with his one remarkable sentence (“You know it’s a party that’s not going well in your favor if everyone’s talking about how you’re a hooker”).

This also could’ve been our last glimpse of Thomas with this group as there’s no way he can return for more next season, right? He was…fine in this episode, which was an all-around highly entertaining and satisfying finale, and perhaps the fact that he laid relatively low is a good note to go out on.

Though there were more surprises to come. Previously, when Southern Charm hit us with a “Six Months Later…” it cut to Kensie crying and the revelation that Kathryn and Thomas had indeed had a baby together. This time, the show explained that the pair are getting along and co-parenting well, and that Kathryn now has 50/50 custody. Don’t let the significance of that slip by you: it’s a big step for her and that family and it damn near made me tear up with pride.

Please allow Craig zipping his pants with a clothes hanger to serve as the ultimate metaphor for season 5 of Southern Charm: it was ridiculous, dangerous, brilliant, and unlike anything we’d ever seen before.

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