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I honest to God don’t remember a time in which the television show Suits didn’t exist. The USA drama about sartorial savvy lawyers who love to drink, curse, and occasionally practice law returned last night for Season 8. But this isn’t your father’s Suits. Well, it is. All dads love Suits, but change is in the air at New York City’s most dysfunctional law firm.

Last night’s season premiere marked the first episode since the departure of Suits stalwarts Patrick J. Adams and Meghan Markle. In the Season 7 finale, Mike Ross — a character who worked for years as a lawyer despite never going to law school, got caught, went to jail, and then somehow became a lawyer for real — and Rachel Zane got married and moved to Seattle to run their own firm that some random character decided to give them at the end of the season.

I assume Patrick J. Adams left to pursue other acting opportunities. I haven’t the foggiest idea as to what Meghan Markle’s been up to.

But here’s the thing about Suits: When one door closes, another one inexplicably bursts open and a character with a borderline sociopathic disregard for personal boundaries saunters in saying something like, “I don’t care if it’s impossible! Get Judge O’Real disbarred or WE DON’T HAVE A FIRM ANYMORE!” It’s the Suits way.

Last night, humanity was gifted another historic TV moment. First, Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. Then, a few decades later, Tim Allen’s Home Improvement premiered. On July 18, 2018, One for the Money star Katherine Heigl made her hotly-anticipated Suits debut.

Or did she?

During the Season 8 premiere, Suits nation was introduced to Samantha “don’t call me Sam” Wheeler, a new lawyer looking to be the next name partner at Zane-Specter-Litt-Pearson-Hardman-Dule-Hill or whatever the firm is called now. From second one, Samantha Wheeler is one of the Suitsiest characters in Suits history. She possesses all the attributes of a Suits veteran:

1: A quick-witted character who takes no gruff and challenges the status quo.
2: An unapologetic liar who plays by her own rules.
3: Wears suits.
4. Curses with great impunity and gusto because she’s a lawyer, DAMMIT.
5: Enjoys showing up unannounced and finishing other people’s sentences.
6: Speaks in short declarative statements that end with someone storming out of the room in dramatic fashion.

Katherine Heigl’s assimilation into the Suits-i-verse was simple, easy. Almost too easy, which begs the question: Are we 100% sure Katherine Heigl hasn’t always been on Suits? Think about it; there’s a lot going on in this show. During every single episode, without fail, someone’s ASS IS ON THE LINE. So maybe we just plum missed her?

I decided to rewatch every episode of Suits, and was shocked, nay flabbergasted, to find this photo during a random episode:

If you recall, the Season 6 episode “Once You Pop” centered on Harvey being forced into blackmailing a corrupt hedge fund manager in order to prevent his client, the Pringles division of the Kellogg’s Corporation, from being the victim of a hostile takeover. It was a pretty standard episode: Mike questioned Harvey’s ethics; Lewis almost blew the case due to an emotional outburst; Samantha Wheeler takes a break from planning her sister’s wedding to deliver a key piece of evidence; and Donna quoted Abraham Lincoln during an emotional pep talk to Harvey while an indie acoustic version of Ed Sheeran’s “Photograph” played.

I don’t know what Jessica was doing in the above photo.

Case closed.

Where to stream Suits