‘Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol’ Is the Greatest Spy Film Ever and You Know It

There comes a point where a man reaches his limit, where he decides he just can’t suffer any more glaring falsehoods. I have reached that limit. Now is the time when I stand up (metaphorically), outstretch my arms (figuratively), and scream out to the world via WordPress (literally-ish), “Are we just going to keep pretending like Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol isn’t the greatest spy movie of all time?!” Yes, of all time! Of all time of all time!

Why am I finally calling out the most pressing unspoken, film-based truth of the 21st century? For one, my Ethan Hunt-level gutsiness and my Benji Dunn level courage have driven me to speak out. But really, it’s because every time a new Mission: Impossible comes out in theaters (Mission: Impossible – Fallout, in theaters this Friday), I have to listen to people say over and over again, “You know, those movies are actually pretty good” or “Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation was great” or “Those are the only Tom Cruise movies I watch because while I’m very uncomfortable with the humanitarian misconduct perpetrated by Scientology, I just really love seeing that little man hang off of things perilously.” Yes, yes, yes, all that is true, but the fact that the Mission: Impossible movies are “actually pretty good” should not be a surprise–especially since we all know that Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol is the greatest spy movie of all time!

Didn’t we all reach the same conclusion years ago, back in 2011 when we first saw Paula Patton get into a barefoot brawl with Lea Seydoux, a brawl culminating with Patton mule-kicking that diamond-hungry assassin out a billion-story window in Dubai? And didn’t we all agree when we saw Simon Pegg’s adorable energy as tech-guy-turned-field-agent Benji that the M:I franchise had finally found the perfect, affable balance to Tom Cruise’s intensity? Sure, it was a bit surprising at the time to admit that Ghost Protocol reached literal and figurative heights that the James Bond franchise had only dreamed of, especially since the also great Skyfall came out a year after the Impossible Mission Force was ghosted. But in retrospect, I remember us all silently nodding at each other, around the time the so-so Spectre came out in 2015, and deciding that “yeah, you know, nothing touches Ghost Protocol.” I could swear we all did that! I know I did!

If you forgot that we made that cultural pact, understandable. A lot has happened since Sawyer from Lost got fridged real hard in order to provide Agent Carter (but not Marvel’s Agent Carter) with a red hot vendetta. I ask you to revisit Ghost Protocol, the first and only spy movie to marry the swingin’ swagger of Dean Martin’s “Ain’t That a Kick in the Head?” with a dazzlingly choreographed prison riot/breakout, and be reminded of why you remarked to yourself years ago, “Wow, Ghost Protocol is not only the best spy movie, it’s the best Tom-Cruise-running movie ever.”

Ghost Protocol is more than its fantastic snappy banter (“Mission accomplished!”) and jaw-dropping fashion (Patton’s gorgeous green gown during the done-with-a-wink seduction scene). What makes Ghost Protocol a stunning achievement in film, honestly superior to that year’s Best Picture Oscar winner The Artist, is its pacing. Ghost Protocol is the best spy movie because, unlike every other spy movie, there is never a dull moment.

Director Brad Bird, the buh-rilliant mind behind the daringly executed Incredibles franchise, truly captured what it would probably feel like to be chasing after a madman with nuclear codes and a perverted mission to obtain world peace through world destruction. The. Movie. Doesn’t. Let. Up. For. Ninety. Minutes. It jumps from a gut-punch of a flashback to a joyride jailbreak to an intense Kremlin break-in to Ethan’s hospital escape to the insane heights of the I-can’t-believe-they-did-that Burj Khalifa set-piece in Dubai. Even something as simple as Hunt and Brandt (Jeremy Renner) trying to board a train is complicated by the train ramping up to full speed ahead.

But let’s zero in on that Dubai scene, because it’s the best of the best for two reasons that make Ghost Protocol the best of the best: everything goes wrong and everyone (mainly Tom Cruise) gets hurt. The spy genre is a well-oiled machine, usually starring a lone super-agent whip out gadget after gadget (no euphemism intended) on their heroic quest. It looks cool because it is cool. But in Ghost Protocol, the mask machine breaks down, the marks arrive early with an unexpected plus one, and the building’s servers can only be reached from outside. We have to watch spies improvise. They panic and then plan. And that plan, when it comes to hacking into the servers, involves Ethan Hunt scaling a 163-story building with nothing but suction gloves and sporty little shoes!

His frustration at being the only guy for the job, and Benji and Brandt’s guilt-tinged relief at not being the guys for the job, makes this scene sing. And the direction, the one-shot that tracks from inside the hotel room, through the cut-out glass and over Ethan’s head as he grabs on to the side of the skyscraper, it beautifully heightens the mission’s daring drama. And, in this scene and throughout the adventure, you feel every painful punch, especially Ethan’s shoeless and shirtless feet-first dive onto a moving van and the way the window clotheslines him when he swings back in from his jaunt outside. It hurts, and it’s great.

You remember all that, right? The thrill of it all? And you don’t need to be reminded that after that pulse-pounding sequence, Brad Bird finishes the movie off with a cat-and-mouse scene inside of an elaborate automated parking garage unlike anything captured on film before. Ghost Protocol is the spy genre in fast-paced perfection mode, all killer and no filler. I’m glad that my written words, my passionate screaming conveyed through text, have reminded all of you what you knew to be true in 2011 and know to be true today. Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol is the greatest spy film ever, and it’s time we started acting like it.

Where to watch Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol