‘Watchmen’s’ Full Frontal Nudity Was Unafraid of Nuclear Dong

Superhero movies are typically family affairs. That doesn’t mean they’re squeaky clean; the Marvel movies all have adult language in them and the DC ones lean towards the grim and gritty. But on the whole, even a weirdo franchise full of masturbation jokes like Guardians of the Galaxy still has a talking raccoon and tree in it, two characters that you can find on backpacks and lunchboxes in Target. Even the R-rated Deadpool is weirdly kid friendly, with plenty of action figures found in toy aisles despite starring in movies definitely not appropriate for children.

And then there’s Watchmen, a true superhero film that is in no way appropriate for children, on any level, and it has the lack of merchandise to back it up. You’re not gonna find a Silk Spectre dress-up set or Nite Owl goggles in stores any time soon.

Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ medium-redefining Watchmen was originally a 12-part comic series published from 1986 to 1987 by DC Comics (but it’s not part of the DC Universe–at least not really? Listen, comics have gotten even more confusing in the last few years). The comic series was revolutionary at the time for it’s relentlessly mature take on superheroes, a take grounded in a world more real than the one including Metropolis and Gotham. This was a comic with morally dubious heroes, extreme violence, rape, existential dread, and full-frontal superhero nudity. You name a taboo and yeah, Watchmen went there. The 2009 movie, directed with some might say too faithful of an eye by Zach Snyder, also went there. To all of the theres.

I mean to say, Watchmen is the superhero movie you go to if you want to see full-on super dong.

Billy Crudup plays Dr. Manhattan, an omnipotent blue superhuman–the only actual person with superpowers in the Watchmen universe. He has all-powerful telekinesis, teleportation abilities, can manipulate molecules, create duplicates of himself, and he has absolutely no need for clothing. That’s how it is in the comics, and that’s the vision Snyder brought to life–a vision that includes a CGI electric blue penis dangling on the big screen. While you can make out Crudup’s face and voice, that’s actually not his superhuman physique. Fitness model Greg Plitt was used for Manhattan’s body.

Dr. Manhattan isn’t a side character in the story, either, and you see way more of him for way longer than you do of Ryan Reynolds’ Deadpool. Like Deadpool’s naked (and heavily shadowed) fight scene in his 2016 movie, the nudity in Watchmen isn’t all that sexy. It’s cold and clinical, just like Manhattan himself. In fact, his nudity is a bit of character development. You see, when he first arrives on the scene, he sports some ultra high-cut briefs, like some ’80s European fashion model.

But as he grows disillusioned with his role as a government weapon, he sheds his clothing and any need to fit in with the rest of humanity. While he still wears suits when he has to (like to a funeral or a TV appearance), Manhattan spends all of his time buck naked. That includes when he does the kinda splashy superhero stuff that usually involves spandex or a cape. No cape, cowl, or clothes for him!

The intentional unsexiness of Dr. Manhattan’s nudity becomes super apparent during the sex scene he shares with Malin Ackerman’s Silk Spectre. Instead of the moment being sensual or even the slightest bit erotic, it becomes… creepy. Immediately. As soon as a third hand appears onscreen, caressing Silk Spectre’s body.

It turns out Manhattan’s created a couple of copies to pleasure his partner while he continues his science-y work. Talk about not being in the moment, or possibly being in too many moments at once. This scene does end with the all-too-rare triple dong shot as three Manhattans converge into one.

All this begs the question, knowing that HBO is currently developing a series based on and/or inspired by Watchmen with Lost and Leftovers mastermind Damon Lindelof, what’s to become of the super-dong?

Okay, the more mature way of asking that question is, will Dr. Manhattan have a role to play in HBO’s Watchmen, and will the network let him be as naked all the time as an R-rated feature film did? Well, that’s even if Manhattan is in the series. Details about the show remain scarce; all Lindelof has said is that the show is not an adaptation of the original comic, nor is it a sequel. He also confusingly says that everything that happened in Watchmen happened, but we’ll also follow all-new characters… and also that original story beats will be remixed? Confusing! But if any network’s gonna be okay with a big blue dude hanging loose, it’s the network that gave us this Westworld moment a few months ago.

Until HBO reveals more about its mystery adaptation, you can watch the Watchmen feature film on Amazon’s Prime Video, where it’s currently streaming in three different versions. That’s a whole lotta Dr. Manhattan.

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Where to stream Watchmen