10 Ways Roseanne Could Die on ‘The Conners’

Yesterday, celebrated actor and ’90s nostalgia hostage John Goodman seemingly let it slip that the Roseanne spinoff series The Conners — created in the wake of Roseanne Barr making racist insults on Twitter towards former Obama administration official Valerie Jarrett and subsequently getting fired from her hit ABC sitcom — will kill off the Roseanne character in order to spin the show off. This was a development that was widely rumored and speculated upon, but had yet to be confirmed by ABC or anyone with the show.

So … now that we know the Roseanne character will die within the universe of the show, our minds have naturally wandered to how she will die. A few options are more naturally on the table. The re-booted Roseanne made mention of Roseanne taking prescription opioids for her back pain, and addiction was an issue. Down that road often lies tragedy. There’s also the fact that, in the original run of Roseanne, Dan had a heart attack, and in the original finale, it was “revealed” (and later papered over by the reboot) that he had died. Roseanne dying of a similar ailment would have a symmetry to it.

But we got into some wilder speculation here at Decider HQ, and so we’re putting out heads together to come up with some creative ideas. Particularly some ideas that would feel thematically appropriate to a character who returned to TV as an outspoken, Trump-branded conservative. How could such a personality meet her end? The Decider staff weighed in.

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The Plausible

Trampled at a MAGA rally. — Joe Reid

The Wormhole / Upside Down Theory

Maybe Roseanne’s family will just think Roseanne is dead. Considering how fast and loose the Roseanne revival has played with continuity (they didn’t win the lottery, Dan didn’t die, Jackie’s kid disappeared, Harris is years younger than she should be), I think they should totally lean into it. When The Conners kicks off, Roseanne should be sucked back into the alternate timeline–you know, the one where she’s a widow, Jackie’s a lesbian, Darlene is with Mark, and Becky is with David! Yeah, remember how that was the reality the original series ended with? That’s where Roseanne is now, and tries to contact them from that sitcom Upside Down via a Big Mouth Billy Bass mounted on the wall. The question is, will the Conners ever notice? — Brett White

The Rosalind Shays

After having been invited to Trump Tower for going viral after an infamous, racist rant in a Target line, Roseanne falls down an open elevator shaft. — Joe Reid

The Crosswalk Cathy

She stops in the middle of a crosswalk while trying to call the police on a little black kid with a lemonade stand, and gets hit by a truck. — Willow Hubsher

The Ol’ Melty-Face Number

Roseanne stares too directly at the Ark of the Covenant, thus dying in the traditional manner of her kind. — Dillen Phelps

Death by Incongruity

While attempting to pat herself on the back for being nice to her gender-nonconforming grandkid, despite supporting everything that would tear said kid down, Roseanne contorts herself too drastically and snaps her own neck. — Joe Reid

Black Mirror Style

There’s an episode of Black Mirror called “Hated in the Nation” where psychotic robot bees attack and kill whoever is dubbed the most hated on Twitter. First of all, yes, Black Mirror is a very weird show. But secondly I can’t think of a better way for Roseanne to go out than with a sci-fi and Twitter-inspired crossover that would make the show’s bonkers ninth season blush. After her overtly racist and career-ending tweet, Roseanne Barr was the most hated person in the nation for months. No matter what feel-good lesson The Connors wants to give us, we need to remember that. — Kayla Cobb

Netflix Docu-Series Style

Roseanne is killed by an owl attack in her own home, with no witnesses, and Dan is tried for her murder. — Joe Reid

Killer Couch: The Couch That Eats People

After one particularly effective dose of Ambien, she wraps herself in burrito form in that damn quilt on the couch and suffocates in TV’s most iconic prop. — Lea Palmeiri

Death By Reboots

Since the initial success of the Roseanne revival has paved the way for a seemingly never-ending bombardment of reboots, it’s only fitting that Roseanne’s death mirrors the trend. The Conner family matriarch gets a plum job at a factory that deals in selling and distributing second hand clothing. At first, she’s elated! But joy turns to melancholy when Roseanne is crushed to death by a large shipment of returned, knockoff boots. Ironically, she would have been fine if there were a normal amount of returned boots (reboots for short), but the overwhelming amount lead to her untimely demise. — Josh Sorokach

And finally, the most popular and recurring option …

Death By Getting What One Asked For

Roseanne dies from an untreated disease or ailment that her health insurance would not cover.